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I haven't been here for a while. Hard to see how this happens to so many people and we are left so...alone. At least that's how I have felt, being only "the girlfriend" of a person dying in a car accident. But I'm learning you're only alone if you let yourself be. And you. are. not. alone.

For reading as a widow/girlfriend... I suggest a book called

Companion Through The Darkness: Inner Dialogues on Grief [Paperback] - Ericsson

It won't heal your wounds, but it will make you chuckle at the people who are "trying to help you." They have no freakin' clue.

For those of you who might be like me... WRITE. Write a poem, a dream you had about them - good or bad. Write down everything you loved about them. The only other person in my relationship was me, and after my boyfriend died in a car accident.... it's up to me to keep him alive, and OUR memories alive. Not always how other people knew him, but our memories.

Also- cry. Cry until your head hurts and until nothing else will come out. Cry in your office. In your car. Get it out. Don't let ANYONE tell you that you should have moved on by now. What do they know? Do what is right for YOU and for the person you lost. Eff everyone else. (meant that in the nicest way possible.)

Do I still have his toothbrush by mine? Absolutely. His comb, deodorant? Of course-it's right there on the counter with my stuff.

I look strong. Don't let me fool you. I'm not. Ever get that? "You're so strong." No- it's not about being strong. It's about avoiding all the ways to off yourself, remembering the person you lost wouldn't want that, and remembering people like your little five-year-old nieces, or your mom... or for some people- your kids. We all have someone not to leave, no matter how much we want to. Don't let me fool you. I'm a good faker. I'm jello inside drinking away at my bottles of wine and rum without him. I'm not strong, but I'm here.

In NO way did this cure my heartache.... but do something for the person you lost. It helped me. For the first time in almost nine weeks I've finally felt like I've given him something, done something for him besides tie notes around his cross in the road and at his grave. I'm half crying through it- it's tough. Not meant to be anything for showy purposes, it's only for him and to hopefully help others who are trying to get through the mud of all this.

Song for my guy.... this is how I get it out.... "Tears Fall Like Rain"

Or if you just want to hear the music and read the words...

Instrumental for him

Click "Show more" for the lyrics.

I hope it helps somebody.

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