I don't know what is wrong with me.... recently lost my dad

[lizzytish]

I lost my father a week and a half ago. I'm just confused about this grieving process. I feel like i intellectually understand it but that isn't helping.

I have cried some but i don't cry all the time, and i feel like i should be. It's been just over a week...how am i not still crying? I've also had a complicated relationship with him the past 10 years and i even stopped talking to him for about 5 years and just started taking to him again 4 years ago. But obviously there was still awkwardness and even anger up until he died. Does the fact that i only cried everyday for a week mean i am over it? Did i not love him as much as i thought? My Dad was not perfect (neither am i) and he could be very difficult to get along with but i thought i loved him more than this. I just think of him looking down at me and not seeing me upset enough and being hurt by that. I don't want to hurt him.

I'm sure this is all silly but it doesn't feel silly... if that makes any sense.

Liz

[ModKonnie]

Liz, Grieving is so individual. You may have cried the first week and not this week, but next week you may not be able to stop crying. Some people don't cry at all, and that is perfectly okay. It doesn't really mean anything at all. Your questions and concerns are not silly in the least bit--what you are experiencing is totally okay. You may go back and forth and up and down with lots of feelings--including anger, fear, resentment, loneliness, sadness and then it may disappear for awhile or start again. So, don't worry about how you are reacting. Just do what feels natural. We will be here for you--ModKonnie

[Dreamery]

It's an individual thing. My dads death was a shock I crude every day at least once but not for long. I do think of him a lot. To be honest the realisation is starting to occur and it's hard. Everyone copes differently.

[Dreamery]

#cried

[melissal]

^{Liz, I know from my fathers passing that it doesn't make sense no matter how much you know about the grief process. the 13th marked 9 months since I lost my dad. I was a lot like you tho, I cried for a few days and then I only cried every once and a while. it doesn't mean weve moved on were just tired of crying. I still have days now where all I want to do is cry. me and my mom are really close and always have been and it hurts me but she cries sometimes too. your father is in heaven watching you but hes not looking down on you and thinking that you don't care and that you don't love him, he knows how you feel inside wether you show it on the outside or not. im not gonna say it gets easier because it doesn't and I don't think it ever will its a learning process and it takes time. I promise there will be days where you don't know if you should cry or laugh but in some cases you just need to do both. I am here if you ever just want someone to talk to.}

[kaycee42]

Hi,

Just wanted to say sorry for your loss and to let you know that there is no wrong or right way to grieve, you are a unique individual and as such your experience of grief will be just that, yours. It does not mean that you loved any less or did not care, it is just a reaction that you are having, it is still early days for you, give yourself time and try not to analyse yourself so much. Take care of yourself and give yourself time.

[jeninma]

I'm so sorry for your loss. As you've heard everyone grieves differently. Don't think you have to cry all the time. And don't measure how much you loved your father by how much you cry. Grief is so complicated and person. In the 3 weeks or so since my Dad died I have cried some, been angry at him and me, felt guilty, cried some more, some more anger, some guilt.

Unfortunately, I do not think you are "over it" whatever that means. My mom passed away almost 20 years ago and I cannot yet say I am over it, though I don't grieve the same way. It does get easier.

Try not to be so hard on yourself and take good care.

[bozeman]

I lost my father a week and a half ago. I'm just confused about this grieving process. I feel like i intellectually understand it but that isn't helping.

I have cried some but i don't cry all the time, and i feel like i should be. It's been just over a week...how am i not still crying? I've also had a complicated relationship with him the past 10 years and i even stopped talking to him for about 5 years and just started taking to him again 4 years ago. But obviously there was still awkwardness and even anger up until he died. Does the fact that i only cried everyday for a week mean i am over it? Did i not love him as much as i thought? My Dad was not perfect (neither am i) and he could be very difficult to get along with but i thought i loved him more than this. I just think of him looking down at me and not seeing me upset enough and being hurt by that. I don't want to hurt him.

I'm sure this is all silly but it doesn't feel silly... if that makes any sense.

Liz

I am in the same boat as you kind of. Lost my mother over a week ago and sometimes I feel like should be sadder than I am. Then i realize how much of a loss it is and it's just that im processing everything still. I think like people have said, grieving is different for everyone. For me, my life just feels so different. I have lost one of the most important things in my life and i feel it. It's something i never felt before but it's there. It is one of the worst feelings in the world and i think right now, i am just avoiding confronting it. Which is probably why i am not crying all the time as well. But like you Im up, missing my mom, googling about grief. So you shouldn't feel bad at all. Obviously you're upset and hurt by all this.