Chandler Sky

[paris_ro]

I had found out I was pregnant on my birthday of last year.I was so scared because I was so young and I was a pastor's daughter so I was afraid of what everyone would think of me. I kept the pregnant a secret for at least a month abd when I told my parents they were so angry. I was so stressed and afraid I would have a miscarriage. Ofcourse with time all wounds healed and things got better. So in January of this year I had a doctor's appointment to go to. That morning was starting off so bad. My childs father wasn't picking up the phone and then my dad had to take me to my doctors appointment. Next thing I know the doctor couldn't hear mommy child's heart beat so we both thought maybe he was hiding. so I went to get an ultra sound and all I saw was my child just laying there. not moving at all. I didn't want to believe it. I wanted everything to be wrong. My world ended on that day and I haven't been the same. I planned my entire future out with my baby in it. And lately I've been having dreams about him. Older. And of what he would've looked like if he had lived. Some things do get better with time but I just don't see how I can ever recover. The moment I knew he died was the moment my heart left. And I can't help but feel like I was being punished. why do bad things happen to good people? why?

[517958]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think just about every parent that loses a child asks that question of "Why?" "Why us, why me, why MY child???" I've figured out that there really is no answer for this - at least not one that will satisfy us. But I still ask it sometimes. I don't know where you are but something that has helped us is to attend groups. There have been a few grief groups we've attended. One is called Compassionate Friends. There are also resources in our state of MN for pregnancy and infant loss. It helps to talk to people that know how you feel. The best way to find one is on the internet.

Once again I'm so sorry for your loss. Try to be good to yourself.