one month.....

[Lostherwillawaysloveher]

I hit a month on the 28th. Prior to that I felt like I could do this like I could cope, adjust, move on a little. That very day it was like the shock the reality of it all hit harder than it had in the first place. I couldn't even bring myself to go to work today. $th of july has been our favorite holiday since "I do" always trying to out do the last one. Lighting off fireworks with the boy's was something I dreaded. My oldest picked out all of her favorites and hugged me and talked about how much mom would have loved them, and hoped she could see them from heaven. I'm broken at this point I feel like i am going deeper into some f'ed up abyss.

[OldGeek]

While my loss isn't that much older than yours, I have found it to be a roller coaster. Sometimes days go by without much grief, then I crash over the littlest thing. Gradually getting stronger and coping better, of course when we are talking about different shades of terrible, it's still very sad & lonely. I think just in the past week I am starting to get some perspective on the situation, it's less unreal at least.

[Lostherwillawaysloveher]

Roller coaster and the peaks are low elevation. The triggers are so random. it's unreal.

[catz]

it is that yes. And the power that it can hit you with is unbelievable. You can go from being on a relatively even keel to literally gasping like youve been punched in the stomach.its been almost 11 weeks for me, almost 3 months, and i still get hit by it. ive found the only thing to do is ride it out, tiring tho that is. I still miss Alex so badly its a tangible pain, an ache in my guts that i fear will never go, and then again in a way i dont want it to cos thats HIM or at least all of him that i have left. Yes i have memories, but as we all know, memories dont kiss you goodnight, or hug you when you need it, or make you feel that you are a very special person to someone.

[LizzyW]

That seems to be the way grieving goes. In ups and downs, one step forward, two steps back, then repeat. It's normal to feel like you are tumbling down the rabbit hole, and have no idea where it's leading. Try to take good care of yourself at this time, although that is very difficult. This level of stress is hard on you in every way. Be kind to yourself, be gentle with yourself, Express your love to the boys often. Share your feelings as much as you can. We can do this.