losing my beautiful daughter

[harty66]

I lost my daughter Bianca June 28th 2012 she was just 18 years of age and for the last 12 months I have been struggling deeply to come to terms of her passing. She died unexpectedly on that day from what we were told was SUDEP which is sudden unexplained death from epilepsy , she had never previously had any history of epilepsy apart from a seizure she had some 6 weeks prior to which was being investigated. I have a wonderful family a supportive wife and two fantastic children who are both leading their lives in a way we are so proud of. However the pain just does not go away and I kind of don't want it to as I worry that I am forgetting her which I am not because she is constantly on my mind 24 /7 . I have thought about support groups and counselling however feel uneasy about doing so. I am feeling so low at times it is unhealthy and that is why I am looking for support from like minded people who have suffered such a traumatic event of losing a child. The thought of not seeing her again only in my dreams is a painful thought and it takes my breath away at times just thinking about it, I suppose its a natural way of coming to terms with our loss and many of you must feel the same. We are preparing ourselves for the first anniversary of her death this friday and I know it will be a difficult day for all of us. Any event such as birthday's ,christmas or family gatherings are always so difficult however I just kind of think of her as just somewhere else as the thought of not seeing her again just comes flooding back along with lots of tears. She was such a wonderful girl and was loved by so many people so much that over 500 attended her funeral and we are determined to keep her name alive by setting up a trust fund in her name which raises money to support local charities in our home town . I suppose its our way of continuing to do things for Bianca as we did for her 18 years of her life and it feels so right that from her passing someone else is benefiting . I hope that someday I will learn to come to terms with our loss however at the moment it feels a lifetime away.

[NeverAndAlways]

I know what you mean about not wanting the pain to leave...sometimes it feels like our last connection...the lingering sorrow that started the day they left. I can even say I'm afraid to lose it. But going to compassionate friends meetings and talking with other parents...i've learned that it is not a valid fear at all. Some memories seem to fade and then...there they are again after some unexpected trigger. Some memories come back to me that I didn't know I'd forgotten before they died. I'll admit that sometimes the counselors helped and sometimes they got on my nerves. Sometimes going to compassionate friends is comforting and sometimes I want to escape. Sometimes anniversary plans make the day feel meaningful...and sometimes I want to hide instead. She's beautiful and sounds like she was and continues to be well loved. Sorry for your loss...seems lots have summer anniversaries (angel dates)...maybe that's when we look for answers...don't know. - N&A

[tobyfreefoot]

harty66

i work nights and am on my way to bed but just wanted to tell you

1. you have a beautiful daughter and i am so sorry for your loss

2. go to "loss of an adult child" a subtopic in "loss of a child" you will find a very active group of people who have all lost young adults and support each other and listen to anything and everything. whether you want to just talk about your daughter or scream and curse we all are grieving in our own way and offer strength and hope and an understanding that i just haven't been able to find in the outside world.

bianca's (such a lovely name) first "angel date" is coming up and if you are like me the anticipation and angst of that approaching anniversary is all consuming. i lost my 28 year old son, forest, july 3, 2011 when his girlfriend fell asleep at the wheel and they plowed into the back of a parked semi going 67 miles per hour. the young girl also died.so i am coming up to 2 years. i completely get not exactly wanting the pain to go away. i am finding ways to keep my son in my heart and alive in my daily life that are helping me be more willing to revisit the horrible pain less often. please come to the forum you will be so welcome and find so many people with kids your daughters age that will help you face this awful pain. it has literally saved my life i am pretty sure.

[Mermaid Tears]

To the parents....our hearts and hands reach out to you on this grief journey...as Gretchen said....please go to the site called...'Loss of Adult Child'....and really...it doesn't matter if your child was 4 or 40....I am so thankful I was 'led' to that site....many of the parents that are on there have been there for many years...some as many as 10 years....I call them 'our Guides'.....and they have been a life line for my human boat that seems to go down...down...down....and then they reach out and pull me up....yes...it is hard to breathe at times for the pain is so hard...I call it coming up for 'air'. We want to hear about your child..your children...your pain...your questions.....we may not have the answers...but we do have the ears to listen. I do not have a circle of friends around me that have lost a child...and that is why this site has been the only comfort and place of understanding I have found in the 'foreign land' I have found myself. Peace and blessings to all of you.