losing my beautiful daughter

[harty66]

I lost my daughter Bianca June 28th 2012 she was just 18 years of age and for the last 12 months I have been struggling deeply to come to terms of her passing. She died unexpectedly on that day from what we were told was SUDEP which is sudden unexplained death from epilepsy , she had never previously had any history of epilepsy apart from a seizure she had some 6 weeks prior to which was being investigated. I have a wonderful family a supportive wife and two fantastic children who are both leading their lives in a way we are so proud of. However the pain just does not go away and I kind of don't want it to as I worry that I am forgetting her which I am not because she is constantly on my mind 24 /7 . I have thought about support groups and counselling however feel uneasy about doing so. I am feeling so low at times it is unhealthy and that is why I am looking for support from like minded people who have suffered such a traumatic event of losing a child. The thought of not seeing her again only in my dreams is a painful thought and it takes my breath away at times just thinking about it, I suppose its a natural way of coming to terms with our loss and many of you must feel the same. We are preparing ourselves for the first anniversary of her death this friday and I know it will be a difficult day for all of us. Any event such as birthday's ,christmas or family gatherings are always so difficult however I just kind of think of her as just somewhere else as the thought of not seeing her again just comes flooding back along with lots of tears. She was such a wonderful girl and was loved by so many people so much that over 500 attended her funeral and we are determined to keep her name alive by setting up a trust fund in her name which raises money to support local charities in our home town . I suppose its our way of continuing to do things for Bianca as we did for her 18 years of her life and it feels so right that from her passing someone else is benefiting . I hope that someday I will learn to come to terms with our loss however at the moment it feels a lifetime away.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Many of us post in the Loss of An Adult Child Forum on a regular basis. I have found a lot of good people there who are willing to listen and help each other along this grief journey. It is truly difficult and lonely at times..Peace to you...

[Melodyannhudson]

It's day by day, ups and downs, twists and turns. I can fully relate, I lost my daughter 1/18/10 she was 171/2 when she was struck and killed by a car driver speeding and digging for something on the passenger side floor trying to beat a red light (it was yellow). It was MLK day that year and my life is forever altered as yours is. It seems like it was today or yesterday although it was 3 1/2 yrs. ago now. It went public and it was so surreal I still try to put it all together to this day. I could "feel" your pain as I felt mine in yours as I read your story. I'm so sorry you've had to join the ranks of Angel parents, I wish it upon no one. I just wanted to let you know your not alone we're all struggling, coping and dealing with our losses in our own way and in our own time. There's no rights or wrongs in our feeling which can be very tricky at times but we're all here for the same reason(s). Please feel free to write me and talk about anything, I feel I may have someone who can relate with me a little better given our daughters were fairly close in age when they had to leave us for a time. I still struggle daily I'm not an expert at this I'm just another Angel Mom in search of a means to cope, I'm on the same journey just may seems comforting to not feel your going it alone. Just know I'm here if you need me to talk, listen exchange thoughts and ideas. I hope this finds you doing ok. Hugs!

[shellykut]

Melody - I just saw your post and I'm so sorry that you lost your daughter. I too lost my oldest daughter

to leukemia 3 years ago. I struggle daily as well but am having a particularly hard time this summer. I hope this gets better for each of us soon. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Melodyannhudson]

I am sorry For your pain in the loss of your daughter ShellyKut. I just saw your message as I was browsing through, I wasn't notified, probably the name thing so I'm so it's been so long in a response. I hope this finds you doing well and again I'm sorry it took so long. Ever want to talk feel free to message me anytime, please. hugs.

[Allysons mom]

Harty66,

 

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter and the pain I know you are going through. It's been awhile since your original post, but I felt compelled to reply. I lost my beautiful 22 year old daughter suddenly on July 5, 2012. She went to sleep just after midnight and never woke up. No cause, assumed cardiac arrythmia. We are left devastated and with no answers. My husband and I did see a therapist and she helped us tremendously, especially for my husband. You and I are both at the same place in our grief and I look back and realize how far we have both come in learning to live this awful new life without Allyson. It still doesn't seem real.

 

I share every feeling you wrote in your post. Reading the posts on this site helped me realize all those feelings are normal. At the time you wrote your post, we were also coming up on the 1st anniversary. That was an incredibly tough time and  I hope you and your family made it through as well as you could. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are probably a lot stronger than you ever thought. I hope you are finding a little more peace than 7 months ago.

 

Allyson's mom, Sheryl