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Sibling Grief and Resentment


fsparks19

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My dad passed away very unexpectedly in March of 2013 followed shortly by his sister (about 2 weeks) who was fighting lung cancer. I live out of state but my sister lives pretty much next door to my mom. Since my Dad and Aunt both passed away, my Mom and Uncle got close. They took a vacation together a few weeks ago and ended up falling in love with each other. I am stoked, thrilled, elated or whatever you want to call it. I want my Mom to be happy and i don't want her to be alone. My Uncle is very financially stable and can take care of my Mom if she needs him to. It took a huge weight off of my shoulders just knowing that I didn't have to worry about my Mom being alone. My sister, on the other hand, is absolutely CRUSHED. She can't stand it, can't handle it, it makes her sick to her stomach to even think about it. (a brief history of the sister: she has been struggling with deep depression and most likely some sort of anxiety disorder since her separation from her husband, my Dad was always the one that would talk to her when she was struggling really bad.) While I understand that mental disorders are extremely difficult to overcome, I have tried and tried to suggest that my sister seek some sort of professional help. She won't for whatever reason she comes up with at the time. It has pushed me to think that I myself need to seek counseling just to deal with her mental illness that she won't take responsibility for. I feel like telling her she's selfish beyond reason and to quit having a pity-party over something she can't control. I don't know what to do, my mom and I are best friends and her relationship with my sister is strained, i want to help, but this stuff is eating away at me. Does anyone have any insight as to how I should handle my sister?

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Lostwithoutmum

Your sister is dealing with the loss of your father, separation from her husband, and is clearly unable to handle things the way you or your mother do.

She is probably just grieving differently from you? I would give her the time she needs and just keep on encouraging her to seek counselling..

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Daddy's Girl

It's very difficult to deal with two losses and with the idea that the person she considered an uncle for all her life may now become her stepfather. She may take a long period of time to adjust to the idea, be patient. You're all suffering. The fact that she has a history of depression and anxiety only makes it harder for her to even breathe sometimes.

In the end, she may not understand that your mom's happiness is at stake, but she may accept it anyhow. That's what unconditional love and support are all about. If I were in the same situation, maybe I'd react in the same way, but in the end, we're all adults, my mom would not need my approval to be happy, but it sure would be nice to show some support.

If she refuses the help you think she needs, maybe she's just asking for time. Allow her to get grieve, I'd say. If you need counseling in dealing with her, do it. Get all the help you need, it's not easy. Life isn't...

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