Siblings don't seem to understand my grief!

[zadoodle]

My mum lost her short battle with cancer at the end of 2012. My dad died of heart failure 4 months earlier. They were both in their 60's.

I'm really struggling with their death's, especially my mum's and here I am 6months on and if anything it seems to be getting worse. I am the youngest of 3 (in our 30's and early 40's) and my brother and sister don't seem to be experiencing grief in the same way that I am!!

They have both said they have accepted it all and have moved on with their lives. I on the other hand am struggling with it all still and am tearful and emotional and feel like my heart is still being wrenched from my chest when i think about my mum especially. I've had no contact from any relatives since my mum died & My siblings have obviously talked together about me and my brother has told me they find my grief to be self indulgent, that they are fed up of it and have told me to stop trying to make people feel sorry for me.

I'm really shocked & hurt by that because I genuinely am not trying to make people feel sorry for me. In fact I always put on a brave face with other people because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable nor do I want to burden them with my sadness. I've tried to be supportive & have regularly emailed my siblings asking how they are dealing with it all, rarely mentioned my feelings and even contacted them on mother's day & father's day etc incase they are finding significant dates difficult and yet here I am feeling like the bad guy.

I don't understand why they are being like this. Why can they not understand or accept my grief or way of grieving or that it may be different to theirs? I feel now that I can't even be honest about how I feel with them and I feel so so alone.

Please help me understand and please please, how do I get over the pain of losing my parents?

[ModKonnie]

_Zadoodle,

_{I am very sorry about the loss of your parents and your siblings misunderstand of your grieving. I have five siblings, and when my father died, we each dealt with our loss in very different ways.}

_{Have you considered seeing a professional counselor or joining a grief and loss group in your hometown? Many times funeral homes or your local Hospice chapter may be able to help you find the right group. Coming here is another great way to deal with your losses. Talking with others in similar situations truly does help with the pain.}

_{We will be here for you,}

_ModKonnie

[Daddy's Girl]

Zadoodle,

My deepest sympathy. You are going through a rough time and unfortunately, people just don't understand. Until now, I used to think that unless they have experienced the same nightmare, they wouldn't be able to relate, no matter how much they claim to 'know just how you feel'. Obviously, this is not the case. I can relate to you, except that may father passed away 2 weeks ago and everyone has moved on with their life. What's going to happen at 6 months? Maybe they won't even remember his name. And I have heard things similar to you, I've been called a martyr by no one else than mom.

My conclusion is as follows: some people just don't know any better. Maybe they try to care, even to understand, but don't have the patience. While we're left behind, feeling guilty when we have 'ok' days or put on a mask to not let others see our true feelings. True. What I do is I no longer cry in front of the family at least. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'd rather do it at work, where people won't criticize me for breaking down, or alone...

If you need to talk, I'm here.

Best wishes,

Ana