Have you ever?

[MissuDad]

Exactly 7 weeks ago today, it was my daddy´s funeral. For the last week and half I took some time off work, home and near family and decided to go to a friend´s house on the countryside near the beach. While I was there, I was not feeling amazing, but was feeling kind of ok, but I returned home yesterday and I feel horrible… Right before my lift was about to pick me up there, I had a rage outburst and got angry at him for small things, but I felt like I could explode.

On the way home that anger gave room to an extreme sadness and feeling of loneliness. My friend then took me to see the ocean and talk for a while and then a few tears came down from my eyes…

While away I found myself not thinking so much about my dad, even though there were periods of guilt about it. I think I engaged in less recommend behaviors as an outlet for my loneliness.

Now back at home, I had again, a hard time falling asleep and kept dreaming vividly about my dad and other stuff on my mind.

For the most part of this day I felt so sad and down, I couldn´t even force myself to leave the house, adding to that, I also felt anxious and extremely stressed.

Does anyone here have these periods of extreme sadness, loneliness, hopelessness and despair? If so, how do you cope with these days?

I created a blog so I can share my experience with others dealing with the same pain, it´s still new, but I´ll add to it, as time goes by. If any of you want to take a look - http://myjourneythroughloss.blogspot.pt/

[Lostwithoutmum]

MissuDad,

Sorry you have felt especially down returning home: you have come face to face with your dad's (physical) absence and you are facing it afresh...

We spent 3 days away for mum's funeral - and coming back to that place that was once 'home' was just like daggers.

Even in the only week mum got poorly, I remember returning from hospital in the morning - mum stayed in ICU for two days before we were made to believe she got better and was recovering - but when I returned home after a night there, I broke down crying in my bed, I felt terrible at how this strong woman who always made hard times easier for us was not her usual self. Mum got discharged after that even sat with us the next morning in the living room, we talked and joked with her everyday and made plans...we thought mum was on a recreation/recovery period and no-one told us otherwise despite dr's home visits, blood test etc ...17 days after that, mum was gone...just like that..

So I imagine your pain, you are feeling the gigantic gap dad has left..it is so hard, but all I can say is surround yourself with 'close' friends and relatives, don't stay there alone...

In my case, returning to work has helped dull the agony for hours, simply because I could not break down crying in class in front of adult students etc ...But it is the hardest things I have had to experience...my heart goes out to you..

I read your blog and it sounds like your dad is a great caring man who loved you and felt your love, this never dies ..

Take care of yourself

Thinking of you

[MissuDad]

MissuDad,

Sorry you have felt especially down returning home: you have come face to face with your dad's (physical) absence and you are facing it afresh...

We spent 3 days away for mum's funeral - and coming back to that place that was once 'home' was just like daggers.

Even in the only week mum got poorly, I remember returning from hospital in the morning - mum stayed in ICU for two days before we were made to believe she got better and was recovering - but when I returned home after a night there, I broke down crying in my bed, I felt terrible at how this strong woman who always made hard times easier for us was not her usual self. Mum got discharged after that even sat with us the next morning in the living room, we talked and joked with her everyday and made plans...we thought mum was on a recreation/recovery period and no-one told us otherwise despite dr's home visits, blood test etc ...17 days after that, mum was gone...just like that..

So I imagine your pain, you are feeling the gigantic gap dad has left..it is so hard, but all I can say is surround yourself with 'close' friends and relatives, don't stay there alone...

In my case, returning to work has helped dull the agony for hours, simply because I could not break down crying in class in front of adult students etc ...But it is the hardest things I have had to experience...my heart goes out to you..

I read your blog and it sounds like your dad is a great caring man who loved you and felt your love, this never dies ..

Take care of yourself

Thinking of you

Thank you for all your kind words. I´ve been here before, but this time it got harder, I lived here alone with my dad for over a year, my niece is now here, but she only moved in on last November and wasn´t really close to my dad, so I´m left grieving him on my own.