new her.

[M.Mata77]

My name is Miguel. I lost my 11 year old son on Sept. 6, 2011. He passed from a severe asthma attack. He was ina comma for the longest 6 days of my life. I went back to work imediately after the funeral as way of trying to avoid dealing with the loss. My days consisted of work and bed for six months. I live day to day dealing with the pain as it comes. The past few weeks have been extremely hard. Not sure why. My biggest concern ia that after almost two years I still have a lot of anger. I find myself flying off the cuff at people that in rhe past I would have just ignored. My wife seems to have moved on and we really don't talk about Junior very often. I guess I just finally have gotten to a point where I feel the need to know someone else cares.

[dsmurph]

I could be wrong but, I have noticed that men tend to hold on to the anger. I;m so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. even thou gh your son and my daughter were not babies, they really still were. They still had a whole life to live. I know you miss him. I miss Emily every minute of every day. I never dreamed that our life would have to be lived without her in it. I pray that you let go of your anger and start using that energy toward things that will help you and others. It is so hard, I know. I have my anger days. They drain me more physically. I hate those days. But, I think it is part of the grief. Sometimes I can't fight those days. so, I just give in and let them have their way until they calm again. Then I try to be positive and help others with their pain. I'm glad you came here. Keep talking. Hugs

[Mermaid Tears]

My name is Miguel. I lost my 11 year old son on Sept. 6, 2011. He passed from a severe asthma attack. He was ina comma for the longest 6 days of my life. I went back to work imediately after the funeral as way of trying to avoid dealing with the loss. My days consisted of work and bed for six months. I live day to day dealing with the pain as it comes. The past few weeks have been extremely hard. Not sure why. My biggest concern ia that after almost two years I still have a lot of anger. I find myself flying off the cuff at people that in rhe past I would have just ignored. My wife seems to have moved on and we really don't talk about Junior very often. I guess I just finally have gotten to a point where I feel the need to know someone else cares.

Anger is a very natural part of grief....your anger can be a catalyst in your journey...it is simply a very normal phase...so don't be afraid of your anger....the fine line is not to confuse 'normal anger' and abuse....abuse to yourself is your anger going 'inward' ...directed to yourself....abuse to other's is your anger is not being used in the right way and directed to innocent people. Every parent on this site can identify with you...look straight in the face of your anger...and resolve to use it in the right way. Easy said..hard to do. We all carry guilt issues concerning our children and we can work on that simply by letting others know what you are thinking...feeling...and please...let us know about your boy...there is a site on here called 'Loss of Adult Child'....please go there...it really doesn't matter if your child was 4 years old or 40 years old....they are still your child...and there are many on that site that can help you with this dark and sad journey...you can read other posts...and there will be a 'word or words' that can help you. Grief is such a heavy burden....it is a very physical heartache. I lost my son, John David, he was 42....he has been 'gone' for 10 months...it is just so damn hard.

[517958]

Miguel

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear son. My 5 year-old daughter Charlotte drowned in a swimming pool on July 6th, 2011 just 2 months to the day before your dear boy. I just do want to let you know that people do care and that all who are on this chat board do feel your pain. As for your relationship with your wife, I've also found that trying to grieve with your husband or wife is so very difficult. We are all different so we will all grieve differently. Then there are the differences between men and women. I often don't share my sadness with my husband because I think, "he seems good today. I don't want to bring him down by letting him know how sad I feel." Your wife may be trying to 'save" you from her feelings. You probably do that as well with her. I still find it difficult to talk to my husband about Char's death. It's something we have to work on together. We've been helped by a group called Compassionate Friends. You can check the website at compassionatefriends.org. Feel free to post in either the Loss of a Young Child or Loss of an Adult Child Thread. You will be welcomed to either.

[gambitjr]

Miguel,

What you feel is normal. The problem you may have is that you went back to work to soon. This did not give you the time you needed to grieve. It would appear that it was kind of put on the shelf. Grieving is very hard work. Some who bottle them up find out that they come out in bursts later on and the person can't understand why. From what you have said the anger is right under the surface, and all it takes is something simple to set it off. Sometimes I feel the same way, but it is usually when I am tired. I think you need to revisit the anger you feel about the event, and I mean really visit it. If you find yourself angry then let it out, even if you are talking to the wall in your bedroom. It needs to get out. I find myself so angry sometimes that the only recourse I have is to throw punches into the air. It does help. It seems that what I want to do is to make something or someone feel as bad as I do. I just let it out where I am not hurting anyone nor myself. It does work for me, but you have to search for what works for you. Bottom line is that you need to let it out.

Hope this helps a little, you are not alone,

God Bless,

Al

[M.Mata77]

Thank you all. I'm so glaf I've found a place to talk about this. I've seen a lot of reference to an angel date. Can some one please explain this to me

[517958]

The Angel Date is the date that our children became angels, or the day they died. We also sometimes call it an "angelversary."

[M.Mata77]

Thank you. Thats kinda what I thought just wanted to be sure.