Lost my daddy

[amnesiachick]

I lost my dad on April 20, 2013. It's still new and fresh to me and is so very painful. I loved my dad so very much. He was a gentle and caring person. He loved everyone and had a heart to help others. He was a pastor of a church for many years and he was a good one. He loved and cared about the people in his church. He would go and visit them, talk with them, and pray with them. His love for others was truly unconditional. I know he loved me for me and nothing I did would make him love me any less.

He battled cancer for 5 years. We knew the day would come when we would lose him, but you know we still weren't prepared for it when the time came. I keep thinking of things I want to tell him and things I want to ask him. I keep picking up my phone to call him and then remember that I can't anymore. I miss him so much. It hurts so much.

I am so thankful that even though he had cancer for 5 years, he was spared so much of the pain that comes with it. He only took Tylenol occasionally for pain. While he was sick, he still got around most of the 5 years. He traveled and preached revivals at churches all around Missouri and South Texas as recently as last August or September. He always said that as long as he was able to preach, he was going to. Then the time came when he wasn't able to drive anymore....being in the car was too uncomfortable for him. So, he stayed home the last few months of his life still witnessing and giving his life's testimony to people who came to visit which included hospice and others. While at home, he still moved around pretty well, made his own meals, etc. I got to spend Spring Break with him last March (I work for a school) and we had a great time that week hanging out and visiting. I am so thankful for that time. About a month before he passed away, he got real sick with a UTI and went into the hospital. I went up to be with him...the whole family was there. We had a good time visiting and singing together. We had church in his hospital room every day. I told Dad how much I loved him and he said that he loved me, too, and he was going to miss me. Mom took him home from the hospital after a couple of weeks and he passed away a couple weeks later. I am glad that he was able to be home.

I feel as if I am rambling. I can't keep my thoughts together for very long at a time. I get confused real easily since Dad passed away. My thoughts get mixed up. Is this normal for grief? This is the hardest loss I have ever experienced in my life. I just don't know what I am going to do without my daddy. I loved him so much. If you'd like to read more about my dad and the lives he touched, I made a memorial page for him at https://www.facebook...vWayneWheeler

Thanks for listening. I am glad I found this forum. I need to talk to others who know and understand how hard this is. I am going to share a picture of my dad with me and my sisters. We took it last March. I am the sister in the middle.

Cassie

[MissuDad]

Hi Cassie, I´m truly sorry about your loss and completely relate to all the feelings you´re having. Every once in a while I find myself thinking if what I´m feeling at that specific time is normal. I do believe that we´re in for the ride of our lives and nothing can prepare us for the pain and all that comes with after you lose someone you love so much and learned to depend on. I´m almost as new as you on the grief matter so all I can say is that I also get mixed up thoughts, feelings and sometimes even speaking I say the words wrong, for some periods of the day it seems I´m only partially functioning and I believe it´s probably normal. Our core has been changed and we need time to adjust to this new existence.

[Lostwithoutmum]

I am sorry for your loss,

I remember someone on this forum told me that there are no rules for grief, anything you feel IS normal...

Your loss is profound and no wonder you feel confused. Take solace in that your dad is much loved and treasured. And this is what a wonderful person leaves behind: love and great memories x

[jacourty]

Hi Cassie..

I am sorry for you loss of your father. I also lost my father 5/3/13 and it sounds as if you were very close with your father as I was with mine. I am at a loss for words as my emotions are all over the place as I am sure most everyone who has lost someone is experiencing something similar.

[MDenise]

Nice picture of your dad and you girls. It sounds like he was a great man, and there were good times. I hope you get better.

I lost my own dad months ago, and we had been very close, for years after the losses of my mother and my sister. He was very good to me. He died after flu-like symptoms that were off-and-on for two weeks. I witnessed the death at home.

[melissal]

Hi Cassie, I too lost my daddy Novembet 13, 2012. It is still very unreal to me. My daddy had not been sick though we had no idea, but I don't know which is better. its just as hard either way. I am so sorry to read about your Father. he seems like he was a great man and still is. he may not be here in physical body but he is here in spirit guiding you as he always had. I try not to think about my situation as hes gone but that its really just a see you later. I am here if you ever just wanna vent how you feel. things will get better but it will never be the same. hope all is well and I look forward to hearing from you