Little brother overdosed.... How? Why? When?

[Ajack317]

My little brother overdosed from what appears to be heroin on May 2nd and was found by my mother on the 5th. My brother was a wonderful, hilarious young adult who passed at the age of 22. This was completely unexpected. My brother was sober for three years from a pill addiction and almost a year sober from alcohol. My brother was succeeding at life.... I don't know why now?

My brother came clean to me when he turned 18 years old that he was seeking treatment and was on suboxon. My brother would steal his own doctor bills and pay them so my parents did not know. He came to me right after I graduated college to help him pay for it when his insurance lapsed and he had to wait for his new insurance to picked him up. As a new grad I did what I could and then he finally came clean to my family. My mom was in denial she missed the signs. My brother told me he got himself into this it was his job to get him out. Shortly after he met a girl ( his future wife) who was ten years older then him. They met in rehab and leaned on each other for support and got married when he was 19. For 1.5 years i hardly saw my brother his wife controlled every aspect of his life. He was allowed to stop into family holidays for 30 min. Not allowed to engage with us because she was nuts. Every fight they had my brother would binge drink and would call me at odd hours of the night to come find him. I came everytime it didn't matter if I didn't see him for months or even got a hug or thankyou. I sat all night with him in the ER because I was scared and called the cops I thought he was going to stop breathing that night. When he was awake and his wife finally chose to get him he called me every name in the book because I called the cops..... Never said he was sorry...

Finally he left his wife and my mom and I decided we would take him whatever way we could have him... My brother shortly after joined AA and came to live with me. I always worked I thought it would give him his own space and it wasn't as bad as having to live back with your parents. I never asked him for rent or money for food. Deal was he got back on his feet. I had my brother back it was the best gift I ever received. He hugged me and told me he loved me and that's all I ever needed from him. I got married this past January to my husband in the military stationed in Hawaii. My brother was happy for me and told me I could not sacrifice my life for him and he would be okay. I cried I was so worried all I ever did was take care of him it was my job. I moved him into an apartment I gave him all my things to start over with .

His divorce was finalized at the end of March he was happy and healthy. He took all his friends to AA and was so serious about his sobriety. Idk why?

On May 5 th my brother was found in his apartment dead in the bed I gave him. He had his bed made I was a stickler on him to make his bed smh! My mother and father both called me wondering if i heard from him two days before he was found I said no but maybe he was out with his friends. We started panicking when his phone went straight to voice mail. My mom called me saying she was going over there she was worried because he was acting weird the past two weeks and she was scared. She found him face down in the bed. She didn't think it was him because he was so big and black. My mom saw his tattoo and knew .. My mom has been haunted by what she saw and smelled also that she feels she is a horrible parent because she didn't hold her own child but was repulsed. She called me and my life shattered. I had to call my dad and tell him and his screams I will never forget. I followed by calling my sister and grandparents. I got on the fastest flight home 13 hours it was the worst night of my life.

I had to plan most of the funeral my parents were not able too... I could not allow my self to grieve I thought it was just a bad dream. I am home now and am suffering I don't sleep. I blame myself for leaving I should have stayed and he would have been safe. My husband blames himself from taking me away from my family . I just don't know why??? He was doing so well even applied for college we got the acceptance letter a day after he was found. Suspiciously his ex checked in for rehab for heroin , which was found his apartment. There was no marks on him toxicology takes10 weeks. The cops have his phone and computer I just want to know what happened, why what day he really died on? All his friends just said they can't believe he would use he was so dedicated. I found his serenity necklace my mom bought him on his coffee table he took it off to shoot up was my guess because he was embarrassed.

I had to clean up the apartment and puked about three times he was a clean guy just the smell ( you know). The last text I sent him idk if he ever saw it said I love you how r u doing and btw I want my pillow top mattress back when ur done with it. He was dead on that mattress probably when I sent it... I had to throw the whole bed out because of the body stains how thoughtless i was. i have nightmare every night probably not as bad as my mom. Or just dreams of him and i talking or that i interviened before it happened. I feel guilty going back to work, or doing anything. He will never get to grow up he will always be stuck at 22. I loved that little boy more then the world

I just don't understand he was doing so well... It's like a bad dream and it will be a lie and he will come walking in and I will be able to talk to him! The only thing that gives me any closure is him telling me along time ago" I am a functional drug attic I am very good at what I do or i wouldnt be one I hide it so well you wouldnt even know it has nothing to do with you I got myself into this I have to get out by myself" I just wish I could turn off my mind ...

[ModKonnie]

Ajack317, I am so very sorry about your brother. You cannot blame yourself, nor can your mom or husband blame themselves for this tragedy. Your brother had a disease, and it reared its ugly head and grabbed ahold of him. You and your family did everything you could to help. You've got to believe that. I am an addictions counselor at a prison, and I've seen this many times. I know many, many families who have also called the law on their addicted loved ones, and that takes much love and courage. You truly did everything you could. When remembering your brother, try to stay focused on his positive and the love he gave you. It will be very tough, but in time, you will be okay. Perhaps if you attended some NA or AA meetings or even an Al-Anon meeting, you will get information that may help you understand you couldn't fight his addiction for him, he had to do it himself. We will be here for you--ModKonnie

[dsmurph]

You and your parents have a long road ahead of you. Be kind to yourselves.

[hollyr]

Hi. My brother passed away March 21, 2013. He OD on rx pain pills. He had been on suboxon too but wasn't on it at the same. He was 21. I'm his older sister and only sibling. If you want to talk, I"m here. I just can't get him off my mind. I keep thinking about what happened to him. Was it painful? Did he know it was happening? How is this even possible? It makes me want to puke.

[Ajack317]

Thankyou it's just hard... Some days are good days but I make them bad because I feel I shouldn't be happy when he is gone. I just don't want to be guilty anymore. I look at his picture and Facebook daily and just cry it's like he is still here. I hope it will get better with time. I am going to do some counseling . I also don't sleep we'll or can't alone... I worry all day about my mom . How can I go on with my life when he is gone?

[gambitjr]

Ajack,

The heroin/rx pain killers problem in his country is at an epidemic level. The drug has no eyes, it doesn't see success, it doesn't see color, it doesn't see religion. It can't tell that it is destroying someones life, yet is does, everyday across this country. Most of the time the people who are mostly in the dark are the familIes. The addict is very good at hiding the addiction. From the studies I have read, the drugs reprogram the brain as to how it senses pleasure. Heroin is supposed to give the user the greatest feeling they ever had, but that feeling is limited to the first time they use it. The remainder of their using is spent chasing the feeling they got the first time they used. The dangerous ground is right after a detox, no matter how long it has been. If they can't stop the urge to use again, a lot of users go back to the last dose (how many bags) they used before they were clean. Then comes the overdose. With most of these drugs a lot of people like to say "Don' they know any better?". The answer to this is that yes they do, but the drug doesn't. The brain will torment them until they use again, because it wants to have that great feeling again. The brain has had it pleasure sensor all reprogrammed do to the use of the drugs, whether it was pain pills or heroin. Do people actually believe that the addict wants to be an addict? They don't but they are powerless, the drug is in control. It is a crying shame that more is not done to stem the tide of deaths, and most do not care because they think it won't affect them until it does. The general public does not understand what it is like to go through what all the families have gone through in these forums, and won't unless someone in their family dies from addiction. We as a country need to wake up and take a strong stand against these drugs, start worrying more about dying children, and a little less about the rest of the world. Let's start to take care of our own, let's start to put an end to our children dying.

Hope this helps a little,

God Bless,

Al

[angmar]

AJack, First of all, I want to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. My heart aches for you. I also had to help plan my sisters funeral and feel like I have to stay strong for my parents. I know exactly what you are going through. I lost my younger sister 16 days ago. She was bipolar and had a prescription pill addiction that she has struggled with for years. She was doing well for a month before her death. I had just spent the weekend with her and she was doing great. Then 5 days later she was gone. The last time I spoke with her was on a Monday, we got into an aruguement because I tried to take her son because I could tell she had taken something. The last time anyone spoke with her was on Wed, and Friday we found her. We are awaiting the toxicology report to see what happened. After speaking with someone she had just met, we think she may have gotten drugs and that's what killed her. I have been taking care of her children for a couple of months so she could get her life on track. Now they are with their fathers so not only do I feel like I lost her, but I feel like in some way I have lost them too. Even though I can still see them. I am so sad. I miss her so much. We found her journal and just days before her death she was saying how strong and hopeful she was and that she didn't want to die. It's all so new and still doesn't seem real to me.

[Chandra]

Ajack317 and angmar, I can relate to so much of what both of you have said. My brother overdosed last month on his 33rd birthday. He had also been doing much better over the last year or so, before he met his girlfriend who also suffered from addictions. I talked to him on his birthday and my mother did too. He made insinuations that he was going out with his girlfriend to do something "stupid" that night, and he told my mother it wasn't a good night to take him out for dinner. I felt very uneasy after the conversation I had with him and I wish now I had acted on those feelings.

Nobody heard from him for a couple of days (this was not entirely unusual) and then he was found in his apartment on his bed with two Fentanyl patches on his shoulder. He would often drink with his girlfriend, and he had also been taking medication that is known to cause heart attacks when combined with certain other drugs. His girlfriend, who we didn't know that well (I never met her) and is the only one who could have shed some light on what happened, was then found a few days later in her apartment. We don't know if she took her own life after she found out about my brother, or if it was just a terrible coincidence.

And heliveson, I keep having the same kinds of painful questions. I hope he simply passed out on his bed and passed away in peace, and didn't wake up first in pain or terror, alone, realizing what was happening to him. But there is no way to ever know. There is also no way for us to know for sure why it happened or how it happened. In my heart I don't believe that he set out intentionally to end his life - I can't believe that he would willingly have caused us this much pain. I think it was probably a birthday "celebration" gone too far. But I do think he knew he was taking a risk, and he didn't value his life enough to be careful.