Angry

[MissuDad]

My father passed away a month and a half ago and until now, I had never felt really angry at anything. Last night for the first time I was able to have a almost decent night sleep and today I had an "ok" day until a few hours ago. When I woke up and until late afternoon I was feeling kind of norma, but as the day went by and became feeling a bit weird, sometimes I felt some guilt for not remembering my dad, but tried to distract myself doing stuff like cooking, surfing the web, chatting, etc... Later I had to go to the market and even though I was not very fond of going, I ended up bringing lots of groceries, I only refused to drive as I was starting to feel weird. I prepared dinner, baked a cake and while doing I almost had a panic attack (unfortunely I´m used to those). Today was also one of my best friend´s birthday and I completely forgot, but another friend called me and reminded me of it. So, I invited that friend here so he could have a slice of cake and be with me. After he had gone, a few hours later, I got a huge text from him telling me that he was the one who asked our other friend to remind me of his Bday considering my mind hasnt been on its best, but then he regreted it as I had remembered our other friend Bday and would be preparing a line to sent to another friend of mine, while he´s been the one always by my side since this happened to my dad. After that text, at first I really felt like sh``´` (sorry), but now I started to feel really angry and enraged. I replied his text right away saying I was sorry and had in fact been an awful friend for forgetting his Bday, but I only remembered the other one as he kept talking about his dinner plans, while he only mentioned it once. I know this may sound silly, but that text really got into me, I felt a mix of sadness and extreme anger fir the situation and don´t think it was the best way to tell me that, he could´ve done it in person... Now I feel this mix of feelings and cannot even sleep, had to take a calming pill as I was feeling out of control like never before :-( Has anyone here ever felt this way over something like that? Yesterday I got a stupid text from my sister also criticizing me and now this one from my biggest supporter, I really feel bad, sad and angry, it´s almost body and mind consuming... Sorry about the huge text

[Lostwithoutmum]

MissuDad,

I am sorry you have been feeling down recently.

If I got it right your friend was disappointed you forgot his birthday? My guess is he just wants you distracted...But of course you have every right to forget. Seriously, I lost sense of time for many weeks after mum passed and when people asked me what a day was, what date, I honestly would not know...

So please try to relax about how other people feel: it's YOU who matters, and your well being should be your priority. It's you who have suffered a massive loss and you need to take your time processing it.

We are here for you, chin up - nothing to apologise for - a true friend would appreciate that.

[MissuDad]

Hi Lostwithoutmum,

Yes, he got upset as I forgot his birthday, but not because of that fact alone, he got angry as I forgot his, but didn´t forget another one before (that friend of ours spoke about it all week) and that I would probably not forget another Bday from a friend of mine that he doesn´t like...

Since this happened I cannot even cry... It feels almost impossible, I have the urge, but nothing comes out...it´s so weird

[KGJ]

I know this feeling very well. Its a mixture of wanting to screaming and sob, but the emotions are so built up and intense that nothing will come out, so you just feel even worse because you can't release it.

To be honest, if this guy is your real friend (I know how lame this sounds but it's true) he'll forgive you. Explain that you were having an off day and while that's no excuse, it can't be helped. You were happy to spend time with him right? Relieved that someone reminded you so you could? That's a great friend in my book. At least you cared enough to do that much and feel this guilty over forgetting. He'll either see that or he won't. The hardest thing is life is realizing we have very little control.

Try not to beat yourself up over something you can't change.

With Care -- Kaycie