Nights are so hard for me

[Without you Dad]

I am new here. Trying to find a place for some support. I have never felt so alone and misunderstood in my life.

My Dad died a little over a month ago, he was my best friend and I am convinced the only man that will ever love me that much. I am trying to get through this but I feel like I don't know how. I feel so let down by the people in my life that should be supportive during this time. My fiance told me tonight that if I don't 'dig deeper for strength I will lose him'. Well my tank is empty I have given everything I have to getting out of bed and functioning. All I can think is I've lost my Dad it doesn't get worse. I am 6 months pregnant and completely worn out. I just can't find the magic button.

I wanted my Dad to be a part of my son's life he was so excited for his first grandson especially since I miscarried a year ago. Now he is gone and I miss him terribly.

They had redone his heart through multiple surgeries and we talked about him having another 20 years now that everything was new. I guess it wasn't in Gods plan.

I watched him die, they brought him back and he was on life support for a week. I can't get the image out of my head. To make matters worse his wife never bothered to tell me they were taking me off of life support or gave me the opportunity to be there with him. I called the hospital to check on him and they told me he had passed around noon.

Nights are so lonely. If I get to sleep I always wake up with that image of my Dad dying and my mind races.

I love my Dad much he was an amazing father and I would give anything for one more day.

Thank you for reading.

[Lostwithoutmum]

You sound like you are dealing with a lot during a very hard time.

Why don't some people understand that losing someone so special is the most difficult experience in one's lifetime. Your fiance sounds just worried about you, especially that you are pregnant.

Getting out of bed and functioning IS an achievement at this stage, I still struggle to do this after 3 months and 12 days of losing mum to a heart condition too...

I know what you mean about wanting one more day with him, I have wished that many times...all I can do is let mum's memory live on in my heart and in my mind..Your dad will always be a part of your and your little one's life

There are no words that can make the pain less but you try to look after yourself, and take it one day at a time, it must be overwhelming..

[Angela2013]

Hello Newbie, I am new on here too. The pain you are going through right now is normal, don't let anyone tell you otherwise and that includes the images on his last moments going around and around in your head. In time you will remember the great times you had together and not just those last moments. If it helps, try and remember something good and when you see that image of the end, try and make yourself think of a better memory. Allow yourself to grieve, you have some hard times ahead of you. When your child is born it will be difficult for you as you may well feel torn between happy and overjoyed at having your baby and very sad at not having your Dad. Your baby will have inherited some of your Dad's traits, he is still a very big part of both of you. As your baby grows you can tell him/her of all the good times you had and who his Grandad was. I'm sorry you are not getting support at home, it sounds like you are already digging deeper to get through this, but please be kind to yourself. Take time out to cry when you need to. Talk to your Dad - not as mad as it sounds!!! I hope you get some better nights sleep soon.

Angela2013