Members KeriD Posted May 25, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 25, 2013 I don't know who I am anymore. It seems I have always been Tony's momma at least until April 28. The actual date my world stopped spinning us the afternoon of April 17. The phone call that changed Tony's life as well as mine. A friend telling me there was an accident and Tony had been life flighted.I arrive an hour later in Nashville to find my baby on life support. You see he was in a coma do to the horrific brain trauma he had suffered. After 12 long days of fighting, my baby couldn't do it anymore. Tony fought hard and long but in the end I had to let him go, for his sake. I thought all those days that I couldn't bear the pain of watching him suffer. Now I am suffering with pain I cant even begin to describe! At some points in the last month I have honestly thought I myself will die from the heart break. I am so alone without him. He was and is my best friend. I raised Tony pretty much on my own. We were so close that some people thought we were actually just an extension of one another. He was and now his memory is my life. Can someone please help me understand how I am supposed to survive this? I don't know from day to day if I even want to. I am praying that someone on here will atleast understand some of my confusion and pain. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shellykut Posted May 25, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 25, 2013 KeriD - I hear your cry and I'm so sorry you lost your son. It is not how things are supposed to happen.I can tell you that you will survive this pain, that it won't be easy, and that some days you won't want to. My 29 year old daughter died in August of 2010 from leukemia. In the almost 3 years since, I am still here, still hurting but much better. Time will make it better. May I encourage you to post on the "Loss of an Adult Child" thread of this website, where you will be welcomed by many who've lost their babies and who will listen and give you strength. My prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dsmurph Posted May 25, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 25, 2013 Keri, Tony's Mom, My name is Debbie. Last October I lost my 14 year old daughter, Emily. I don't know how we get through this. I just know that somehow we do. Hour by hour, miute by minute, day by day. It is the most painful thing you will ever go through. But, you will get through. Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members computrtek Posted May 25, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 25, 2013 Hi KeriD,It is devastating, but like others say... it's a second by second, minute by minute fight to survive your own mind. It's important to find a way to escape the despair that we all feel inside. My 15 yr old son left on May 8 and every day for me is a fight for survival. I'm so sorry that you had to experience this in life and a parent should never have to bury their children. I keep surviving and some days are more controllable than others and I am hoping that things get better in time. It's going to take a long time and we are all here to help. Just keep talking and sharing and don't keep it bottled up inside.James Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kirasmom Posted May 26, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 26, 2013 Keri- your pain is so fresh and new. I have been without my daughter for almost 2 years now and still seems so raw to me. Not sure how long it takes if ever to feel at peace again. Someone told me to think of flash light you shine in front of you- you only can handle what is within the beam of light. So if you hold it close to your feet you only deal with that small portion right in front of you. If you shine it further out than there is a wider beam and more things on your plate to deal with. I only shine my light near my feet , which pretty much means I am only taking one day, sometimes only 1 hour at a time. Please feel free to contact me - I will be here for you. From: Kira's mom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lost mom Posted May 27, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 27, 2013 KeriD, I too just lost my son in a morotorcycle acident on March 31, 3013, it is right now 8 wks, 16 hrs, and 32 minutes. The pain is so immense that it feels like a wave constantly hitting you and you cant breath, when you think for a second the tears continue to come. I'm a critical care nurse and rec'd the call while on duty and my life as I knew it ended. I to raised him as a single Mom and he was my everything. He is the reason who I became. The first thing I would like to say is what you did by ending his life support is one of the most unselfish things you did for him, I know the Love you have for him was what allowed you to do, as difficult as it was. Each day you have to start tiny, you have to have a reason to get out of bed and move. Lean on the people who are around you and supporting you. A thing that helps me express my Love to him is post to his FB page daily and talk with him.The pain you feel in your chest is your heart that is completely broken, as time goes on that pain will ease, but will never be gone, I feel it daily, I break down and cry a couple times a day, I cant go in his room without falling to my knees. I talk a lot to God and Josh daily, asking for the strength to get me thru this. I'm also new to this site searching for answers, talking about it and writing also helps Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members andy88 Posted May 28, 2013 Members Report Share Posted May 28, 2013 Keri,Two years ago I could have written your post. First, let me say how terribly sorry I am for your loss. It is too immense a pain to even be imagined except by those who have been there. I lost my only child, Andy, on 2/11/11. I was divorced, so like you, raised him by myself. I had no idea who I was. I was Andy's Mom, first, foremost, and always, and I liked it that way. So who are we after we lose our reasons for living?Keri, I can only speak from my own experience, but little by little, you will discover new things about yourself, and yes, even find a little happiness. Right now you are so so early in your grief journey, I am certain you can't believe that. I certainly didn't when I was at that stage. Just take it minute by minute for now. I have become an activist for ending addiction. It keeps me busy, and I find peace knowing I may be able to save another parent from this grief. No, I don't have any other children, but I am in constant contact with all of Andy's friends, so I have that hole filled. No, I will never be a grandmother, but I have Andy's friends babies that I dote on as much as possible.I hope you can find a bit of peace each day. Please know that it does get softer with time. We will NEVER forget our beloved children and never stop loving them. I am glad you found this site because it truly saved my life. Please check out "Loss of an Adult Child" as that's where most people post. Sending love and many hugs your way.Pam, Andy's Mom <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NeverAndAlways Posted June 21, 2013 Members Report Share Posted June 21, 2013 I'm so sorry. You survive by grieving through it. I've been grieving not only for my darlings, but for everything that left with them too. You will understand in time what that means. You are still a mother, still his mother, and he is still your son. Don't allow anyone to tell you that you can't have that title anymore, most of all yourself. I loved the flashlight comment below...how true. Nothing behind me, nothing in front of me, nothing above me, nothing beside me...I only think about what is right under my feet...N&A Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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