Sudden Loss of my son who had Down Syndrome

[Davy'smom]

My son Davy passed away on April 12, 2013. He was 16 years old and in many ways the center of our family. Because of the extra care he required due to his having down syndrome and other medical issues, he needed much of our attention.

His medical issues were under control and he was doing well. Suddenly, he began vomiting the Wed. night before he died. I thought he had the flu. When he passed out the next morning, we found out differently. His intestines had flipped over sometime during the night. The blood supply to his intestines was cut off. He died a day and a half after he started vomiting.

I miss him so much. I keep looking at that night and wish I had known that something more serious was going on. He was mostly nonverbal and always had a high tolerance for pain. I wish I could have got him medical care sooner. He was acting like he did when he had the flu.

Does anyone else feel guity because they didn't know how seriously ill thier child was before they died? How have you coped with it?

Thank you

[gambitjr]

Davy'smom,

So sorry to hear of your loss. All of us want to help our children in any way that we can. All of us are not doctors, and can't tell most times if it is something serious or not. We do the best we can do. There was no way you could have known what was going on with your son, when the only thing you saw was him throwing up. How would you know that he had a problem with his intestines? All of us who have lost a child wish we would have done something different. We all wish there was a magic wand we could wave and everything would be alright. We all wish that we could have done something different so save our childs life. Most times it isn't up to us, and that is hard to accept. Most times our children resist our help.

I wish i had some magic words that could comfort you, but everyone who has lost a child knows that anything that is said won't help. We must, and will grieve. The pain is sometimes unbearable, but we will make it through it, we have to.

All parents can say "If I only would have known", but we don't know everything, "If only i had...", but we didn't. If we all rushed our children to the hospital every time something was wrong with them we would be there all the time. We do the best we can do, and make the best decisions we can based on the information available. The only signal that could have been given is that your son had thrown up fecal material, and most people don't know that. I can only say that because I had a strangulated hernia and was rushed to the hospital due to the severe pain and burning sensation I was experiencing. If I had waited 20 minutes longer, I probably would have died. That is what the surgeon told my wife.

You had no way of knowing what was happening to your son.

Hope this helps a little.

God Bless,

Al

[Mermaid Tears]

Davey's Mom....I think because we have that 'special Parent's heart'...that no matter HOW our child passes....there is always a 'thread' of guilt...(even though our rational minds know the truth)...our emotional reasoning compass goes off the charts...for when that child was put in our arms...we were their Caretakers...the role changes as they grow older...it is a life long 'caring'....please be very kind and good to yourself...it is called 'self care' at this time...you left no stone unturned...we are here to help you and listen to you...

[Davy'smom]

Thank you for your kind words. I rationally know we did all we could for our boy, my heart is just going to need some time to catch up. I'm so sorry for your losses too. I also wish I had magic powers. I'll have to accept my limits though. There isn't really another choice.

I'm working on the self care. Our family is really trying to help one another through this. We can get through if we stick together. It's amazing to me that its been more then a month already.

I guess I understand more fully how fragile life here really is.

Thank you again.