How to get through this

[lost mom]

It's been 7 wks, and 1 1/2 days that my Son died in a morotcycle accident. I havent been able to stop crying, sleep or just be. I think about him every second. Im tired of hearing everyone say "he came to me in my dreams", really, why hasnt he come to mine. I'm mad, angry, devasted, Mad at God, and anyone else who says anything. My life was him, my dreams are gone, nothing makes me happy, I constantly feel like the wind is knocked out of me. Everyone says time will make it better, really, time is making it worse.

My son did three tours in Iraq, and I knew those risks, but this wasnt expected, How to go on?

[gambitjr]

lostmom,

Sorry to hear the sad news. You have every right to feel the way you do. We have all felt it. A huge part of you is missing now, and you have every right to be sad, angry, cry, and question everything. Each person deals with grief the best that suits them. It is the unexpected that rocks our worlds. Nothing makes any sense anymore. Plans and dreams are all gone. Feels lilke someone ripped a part of your soul out. How can you ever be happy again, when such a big part of your life is now gone. All of us who have lost children have asked the same questions. Some of these questions have no answers. We have their memories to hang on to, but they to are painful. Everytime we turn around we find ourselves saying, "it should have been", "it could have been". Its not fair. You will go through the entire gambit of emotions. They come, they go, and they just plain bust us into the ground. It hurts, yes it hurts so bad we cant even think anymore. BUT...each day we manage to pick ourselves up and take another step, even if it is small. Somedays we stand still, and that is ok too. The choice as to how much pain we allow ourselves to feel is totally our own decision. I personally chose to feel it, experience it, and stop it. I do this in lttle bursts, because when I first lost my daughter, it just destroyed me in every way it could. If I would have kept on the path I was on, it would only lead to dispair, and it did for a while. I found out it was just crippling me, and found myself frozen, and in the worst pain I ever felt. You need to move away from this, if only in small steps. Everyone will go through the grieving process sooner or later, and its not easy. You can do it, we all can do it, we have to do it.

Hope this helps,

God Bless,

Al

[computrtek]

LostMom,

You go on second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. Tonight marks 2 weeks since my son left us. I have cried every day and there is not a second that goes by that I am not angry at what seems like everyone and everything. I thought for a solid day that I was starting to get a tad of control back around me. Notice that I didn't say better but more control of myself. Some of the time I find it hard to breathe and take the next step. Everything I see reminds me of him and everything I touch reminds of him and everything I do reminds me of him. He was my preemie baby, my son, my world day in and day out. All I can say is what everyone else says and I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry that anyone experiences this feeling of total loss. With all of that said, I still cannot feel what you are feeling because Al is right and you feel something totally different and unique and it's going to take a lot longer than any of us wants it to take. We would all prefer to undo what has been done or to wake up from what seems like a nightmare. If I read correctly, I truly am sorry that you have lost your only child. As much as I am hurting, I cannot imagine your pain and heartache. Remember the good conversation and remember all the good that your son has accomplished. Try to just find a glimmer of a smile. Yes, I know it seems impossible, but just a small movement like a smile when you think of something special and wonderful about your son. I am here if you want to chat more about anything and just keep realizing you are never alone.

James

[Guest]

...

[dsmurph]

I'm sorry for everyone's losses. minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, until we can do more.

[Mystic Earth Angel]

I know how you feel lost mom. My son was hooked on drugs for 10 years. When he finally woke up and cleaned himself up, with our family's help, he only lived about 13 months. Time makes it easier? I don't know about that. My son has been gone almost 9 months and I still think about him every day. Your son did three tours in Iraq? Amazing. God bless him and God bless you for raising such an unselfish man. When you think about him, or speak to him, right I said speak to him, he can hear you, tell him how proud you are of him for giving part of his lifetime in service to his country. However, you have to go on, even if it's just to keep his memory alive. I know that you're mad at God, but I'll keep you and him in my prayers, anyway.

Blessings, Light and Love

Kathy Z

[Mermaid Tears]

The emotion of 'anger' was put in us for a reason....and I believe that ' a God..or you can call it any thing you want'....can handle our anger...use that anger...get mad and holler and yell....just get it all out...for anger is a catalyst....and it should be the most natural response to losing our child....that a parent CAN be angry....and SHOULD be angry......I am still learning how to use it....I know I can't take it out on my loved ones...or friends...(they aren't the reason he died)....and I can not use it to go inward and cause it to devastate me...let your 'angry fire' burn....and burn....it can cleanse you....it is simply a normal phase of grief.

[lost mom]

Thank You all for the words. I've found every news feed on the accident and read every post. I'm frozen and afraid to move becasue I might miss something. Ive gone back to work just to keep busy. I've shared with some of my patients when there loved one is dysing to let them know that it's ok to cry and grieve, I jsut dont know how to "fix myself". I dont want to watch while everyone else is enjoying life moving on. I'm so afraid to say it as well. Im being selfish becasue I know that I'm never going to experience those moments again with my son. We had so many moments but its not enough. Im angry, devasted, sick with emotion, and tired. I just want to wake up one morning and say wow what a bad dream, what a nightmare. My phone doesnt rink from him anymore nor do I get texts. Why is this such a cruel thing to happen, when he was just blosomming inot becoming an even better man. So many what ifs, no answers. SO SO SO sad.