Can't get the tragic and intense images to stop

[Kmoncky]

My dad died in August just days before my birthday. He had a violent seizure when had a heart attack. I was sitting next to him. I called 911 immediately and then my mom and I dragged my dad off he couch so we could give him CPR. My brother arrived and started CPR. We later learned that my dad was probably already dead when we dragged him off the couch. So my dad literally died in my arms. Lately I can't stop seeing that whole event in my head over and over again. It has been so bad that I've ended up in the ER twice in the past couple weeks because my anxiety attacks have set off my asthma attacks. My psychiatrist admitted me to a partial hospitalization program aka PHP. It's a good program but I am the youngest person there (I'm 25) and I'm the only won dealing with the death of a close family member. So I feel like I'm a bit lost I guess.

[gambitjr]

So sorry to hear of your loss. The only thing that comes to mind from your post is that you were there, and you did what came natural for you. You tried to help your dad. You were there when he passed. In a strange way, and for some people, you were blessed. Some either can't be there. or got there too late, and they feel absolutely miserable because their loved one passed alone. They didn't get to hold them, they didn't get the chance to help. You got the chance to help your dad, and you did everything you could. Some, who have lost loved ones, would trade places with you in a minute. Maybe need to rethink how you feel.

A lot of people lose loved ones that are alone in a hospital room, some distances away, some in lonely alleys....and they died alone. Your father was surrounded by the best people on earth...his family.

God Bless and I hope this helps,

Al

[MissuDad]

Hi K. I´m so sorry for your loss. Believe me you are not alone, lots of people suffer from anxiety after a major loss, it´s completely understandable and as hard as it might seem, you should not feel lost. Since I´m 19, I´ve been having periods of extreme anxiety leading to panic attacks, since my dad passed away, these have become more and more frequent, it all starts like you said, thoughts trigger anxiety, anxiety does the rest... I think anxiety after someone we love dies intensifies as emotions becoeme so hard to deal with that we try to conceal them, but eventually the have to come out. Hang in there

[Kmoncky]

Thanks. I am blessed for being there with my dad. My dad was a soldier, a paramedic, fireman, 911 dispatcher and sheriff's deputy. We literally had every deputy and police officers in the county parked in front of my house, every fireman that was able to showed up in addition to the paramedics. They all knew and respected my dad as well as my family. Because of that, the cops allowed my family to take what time we needed before they took the body. My brother and I each got like 10 mins each alone with my dad. A blessing yes, but a painful one.