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First month


LynetteR

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Today was the 4th week since my dad passed away. I woke up feeling really low and during the day the feeling has remained pretty much the same... Now as I´m getting ready for bed, I get this feeling of agony and sadness trying to burst through my eyes. I was getting my tea ready and kept looking at the pans and remembering how much he used to love to cook using the pressure pan, how lately he used to buy all kinds of can food and how no one here will ever do the same. I cried writing this small text. Does anyone here remembre how their first month was?

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noahsmommi

Miss U Dad, I remember the first month all too well...My momma passed away 3 months ago yesterday. I think the first month, especially the anniversary of it, was the most difficult for me. It was when my shock and numbness was starting to fade and the reality of it was starting to be pretty clear. Shes not coming back. I still overwhelmed most of the time and find myself looking at certain things like yourself and remembering doing things with her. Her coffee cup in the morning and the empty chair where she would sit while we talked every morning. Its a haunting feeling...Your in my thoughts. Stay strong.

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Hi Miss u momma and thank you for replying. Each day that goes by I start to miss him more and noticing every little detail of how he used to be and we used to do and what we´ll never do again :( Wish I could get him back. You´re also in my thoughts, hang in there :)

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If_hes_not_here_then_where

Today it has been 3 months, and I can tell you that it hasn't really become any better. I feel like all of the happiness is gone from the world and my outlook on life has truly changed for the worse. Its hard when people tell you that things will get better and you will have a better life eventually because how can life be good when you can't spend it with the people you love dearly? My father was 54 years old and died tragically- he fell over 50 feet to his death while hiking in California. How can you cope with the fact that one day they are here and the next they are just gone? There are so many unanswered questions, and everyday I feel as though its not true and we are living some lie. My mom, two brothers and I last saw him on New Years Eve...he moved out to California about 8 months ago because of a better job. My family was going to move out there this summer when he got everything settled out there. I still can't get over the fact that he is gone, nor can I get over how it just happened. I would give up anything in this world to have him back! In the last 3 months I can tell you that its been more than difficult, we think about him constantly! Depression sucks, and the pain definitely has a way of really sinking in to your very soul. But I will tell you that if you surround yourself with people you love, and if they give you mere moments of happiness to break you out of your dreadful sorrow...you will have hope that you will one day be ok That and getting back in to routines keeps you busy and helps to pull you out of the dark. Just keep on going, thats all anyone can do. I hope that this isn't it for us, humans, suffering these lives...I just hope its not the end and we will be meeting again.

You are all in my thoughts.

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I am sorry for your loss. One thing you need to know is all the emotions you have are normal. Everyone on here has gone through them. You need to go through them the best you can. Talking and sharing with family would be good therapy for everyone. The actual feeling of loss is the hardest to deal with, if we ever deal with it at all. A sudden and unexpected loss, in my opinion, is the hardest to deal with. If you feel like crying, yelling, being angry, by all means you need to allow yourself to feel all these emotions. It isn't pleasant, but by allowing it you are dealing with the grief that comes with a loss. There is nothing you can do about the "what ifs", "it could have been", but you can hang on to what was. These are the good memories that will get you through this.

God Bless,

Al

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Lostwithoutmum

MissuDad, I just want to say feel your pain, I know how difficult it is to just make sense of this life-altering experience...

I just hope that you are surrounded by close friends and family members.

And we are here for you of course if you ever need to take it out of your system

Thinking of you

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lolafulana

I'm in the midst of my first month as well. My daddy was a part of of my everyday life. Everyone tells me it get better...I can't see that yet

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I'm in the midst of my first month as well. My daddy was a part of of my everyday life. Everyone tells me it get better...I can't see that yet

Hi Lola, I´m really sorry for your loss. It´s still fresh for us, I get some hours when I´m more at peace and then on others, I´m not, Even today, I went through all diferente kind of emotions, sad, stressed, angry, desperate and finally a bit calm. For me the nights alone are the worst part

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immissingyou

Theres no time frame for when it gets easier. I think a lot of it depends on your relationship with the deceased and just who you are as a person. Even than, theres no exact formula. I am so sorry for your loss! Hugs!!

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It's been four weeks since my mother passed away. I've learned that thinking about the weeks prior to her death (from her diagnosis of advanced cancer to home care to hospital to hospice) is a torment, even though all the medical teams were the most compassionate and the best you could hope for in such a situation, even though there was time for more hugs & kisses, more "I love you's" and, yes, laughter too. I try to focus on the happier memories now. It helps - a little.

No matter how old you are when you lose your mother, I think you always want more time, but I am grateful to have had my mother's guidance and love for almost five decades. It's just that I thought she'd live forever or, at least, to her nineties. I'll miss her always.

One thing that surprises me is how I keep thinking she'll be back. Not consciously. I only realize that's how I'm feeling when something happens to remind me she's gone and I find myself saying to myself, "Oh, she really is gone." When we removed her things from her hospice room, when we viewed her body, when I handed her driver's license back, when I started tidying up her financial affairs, when we started sorting through her things, when the telemarketer wanted to talk to her, the first time afterwards when I walked through the door and called out to her to let her know I was there...

Feels like my heart's been ripped out and everything I am has been shredded. This pain is like a tsunami and yet, I know I'm doing relatively better today than I was four weeks ago. I can still laugh so there's hope, I guess. Things will never go back to the old normal though. I guess the new normal (whatever that's going to be) will be a work in progress.

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Hi reflections,

I´m really sorry for your loss. It´s a long journey, but still here after 6 months, the road won´t be easy but there are things that might help to ease it a bit.

A big hug

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It's been 2 months since I lost my dad to lung cancer. From diagnosis it took 8 weeks to bring him down. My dad was one of my bestest friends. He was the one person in my life who loved me unconditionally, was always there for me.. The one person I could talk to about everything and anything. My dad lived 256 miles away, but I made sure I spent most of my time with him when he was told he was dying. I cooked him meals, talked for hours with him, held his hand and made him laugh. I was with him when he passed. Those 8 weeks were hard. The night he passed, I strangely felt at peace. Partly from exhaustion, had been awake for four days to care for him.. I don't know, I just wanted to sleep... But the weeks since his death have been an absolute rollercoaster ride of emotions. Crying, feeling so lost and alone, angry, unable to sleep properly.. It's just this ongoing nightmare that just won't stop.

I feel so sad for what you're going through, because I know.. I know how horrible it is. What you have to remember is that it's ok to feel like this, it is normal. But please try to remember that our loved ones looking down on us really don't want us to cry all the time, to stop living, to feel as bad as we do... They love us and miss us as much as we do them, but they want us to be happy also. Try to remember the good memories you had together, and laugh when you remember. Try to choose one thing to do for yourself every day.. Maybe go for a walk or have a new hair cut, and know how pleased your loved ones will be that you're looking after yourself.

I don't think the pain will ever go away. Every day I miss my dad, wish I could phone him... But every day I remember what he would say to me if I could phone him.. I hope some of what I've said helps you in some little way. You're in my thoughts. God bless..

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