Mommy's Missing

[sammihendo]

Hi, everyone. I'm new on here. I need some people to identify with.

I am sixteen years old.. probably one of the youngest on here. I lost my mom when I was eight years old. My mom was my everything. I loved her so much and I know she loved me too. My mom was a smoker... but I hate saying that. It makes me feel like my mom was careless and dirty (no offense to any smokers out there). It just doesnt seem to fit. I never noticed her smoking habits because she made sure to keep it from my sisters and I. My mom was the most amazing and fun mom.

She was so good at it. My mom was my world. She found out she had cancer a year before she passed. It was bad. She was so weak... but she still managed to be the best mom out there.

She never ever looked at death as an option... I kind of wish she had. None of us were prepared. She didn't leave me letters or any will or anything. I may be 16 but I am still so lost without her... 16 years later.

I know I'm boring you all... I will get to the point of this topic.

It's may. May stinks for me...

Mother's day is next week. My mom died on the 18th and her birthday is on the 20th. She would 50. She's missing and I'm left with the awful flashbacks and fear and depression. My family doesnt mention her. I know I can deal with this month because I have done it 7 times. I just don't know if I can bear another year. I'm already amazed.

Its an awful feeling to have to be surprised that you havent commited suicide yet. The feeling is so helpless. Here I am with an angry and sad father who doesnt understand, two older twin sisters who have eachother and don't talk to me and no one to help me out here. I am so so so alone and I just dont know what to do anymore.

I apologize if you read all this hoping to be able to answer a question. I guess what I really needed was just to get this out of my system.... Thank you everyone for reading... If i can hellp any of you with anything , message me!

[kaycee42]

I have just replied to your post regarding smoking before having read this post. You are so young to have lost your Mother and it must be very difficult for you to understand about the smoking but I promise you as a ex-smoker no one really chooses to keep on smoking. We make a choice when we start smoking but later addiction takes over choice.

I wonder if you can get some help with your feelings at school, it is not weak to ask for help, in fact it is a very brave and strong thing to do. Anyway if not, keep coming here it is a good place to be to get support or even just vent your feelings and there are people on here who have lost a parent at a very young age, hopefully one of them will see your post. Do take care of yourself, you are special and your Mum worked hard to bring you in to this world and tried hard not to leave you, so suicide is not an option, you are too precious for that. Sending you some cyber hugs