Mommy's Missing

[sammihendo]

Hi, everyone. I'm new on here. I need some people to identify with.

I am sixteen years old.. probably one of the youngest on here. I lost my mom when I was eight years old. My mom was my everything. I loved her so much and I know she loved me too. My mom was a smoker... but I hate saying that. It makes me feel like my mom was careless and dirty (no offense to any smokers out there). It just doesnt seem to fit. I never noticed her smoking habits because she made sure to keep it from my sisters and I. My mom was the most amazing and fun mom.

She was so good at it. My mom was my world. She found out she had cancer a year before she passed. It was bad. She was so weak... but she still managed to be the best mom out there.

She never ever looked at death as an option... I kind of wish she had. None of us were prepared. She didn't leave me letters or any will or anything. I may be 16 but I am still so lost without her... 16 years later.

I know I'm boring you all... I will get to the point of this topic.

It's may. May stinks for me...

Mother's day is next week. My mom died on the 18th and her birthday is on the 20th. She would 50. She's missing and I'm left with the awful flashbacks and fear and depression. My family doesnt mention her. I know I can deal with this month because I have done it 7 times. I just don't know if I can bear another year. I'm already amazed.

Its an awful feeling to have to be surprised that you havent commited suicide yet. The feeling is so helpless. Here I am with an angry and sad father who doesnt understand, two older twin sisters who have eachother and don't talk to me and no one to help me out here. I am so so so alone and I just dont know what to do anymore.

I apologize if you read all this hoping to be able to answer a question. I guess what I really needed was just to get this out of my system.... Thank you everyone for reading... If i can hellp any of you with anything , message me!

[MissuDad]

Hi Sammi. I´m really sorry for your loss, it must be so hard losing a mother at such a young age. I´m no expert and it´s been the first time I lost someone close to me, but you´re probably now starting to grieve, you´re becoming a woman and now things make more sense to you than they did back when you were 8. Considering you´re feeling alone in this process, have you thought about going to a therapist? Sometimes they help you to put things in perspective and deal with your "real" fears. I suffer from panic attacks since I was 19 (Almost 30 now) and therapy has really helped me understand where they come from. Sometimes our minds feel desperate as we don´t express yourselves in the right way and tend to repress everything.

[gambitjr]

sammihendo,

i am so sorry for your loss, no one should ever lose a mother that young. one thing that came to mind while reading your post is that it seems that you have wonderful memories of your mom...that is a GOOD thing. your mom is and always will be a part of you...a part of your heart...a part of your spirit...and a part of your soul. She is always with you. don't let this mother's day go past without celebrating your mother...yes celebrate! make it a day of feeling the things your mother did for you, celebrate her life and her impact on yours, celebrate the memories you have of her. try to feel her presence all around you, which in my opinion, she is. she is in front of you to lead you and behind you to pick you up when you fall. feel her gentle arms hug you on mother's day, wrapping you up in her love for you. no mother could ever turn their backs on their child.

So to sum it all up...CELEBRATE your mom!!!

God Bless you and keep you in the palm of His mighty hand,

Al