my mom is dying

[bbell25]

My mom was diagnoses with pancreatic cancer 1 month ago. she was in the hospital for back surgery and a ct scan revealed nodules on her lungs. Further testing suggested it was metastatic with the origin being her pancreas. She doesn't have long at all. I am scared to death to ask. She doesn't want to know. I don't know how to exist in a world without my mom. Please please help me. She cries all the time. She isn't ready to go. She wants to know what she did to deserve this. My dad drank his way into liver cancer and received a liver transplant within months and is fine. God please forgive me but why not him? Why her? She didn't do anything to deserve this. I can't live without my mom...please help me. I don't think I can do this.

[Lostwithoutmum]

bbell, as hard as this may be, but you need to be strong for your mum.

This is really hard to take in but you never know, don't lose hope just yet.

Try to focus on every day as it comes. Do you have enough help and support?

[bbell25]

I do have help and support but I have never felt so alone in my life. I have 2 sisters and a brother but my relationship with my mom is so much different than theirs. My one sister hasn't spoken to my mom in 20 years and she has seen her several times in the past weeks. It makes me so angry. Shame on her for hurting my mom so much and now...its too late. And now I have to share my time with my mom with her.

I just want my mom. I am 29. I have a 3 yr old. I still have so much to learn from her. I don't want to let her go. My whole world revolves around her. I want to die with her.

[bbell25]

I had so much hope...but its gone. They are stopping treatment. And I get that look from the nurses and doctors. In terms of there being a #1 worse cancer for hope..this is it.

[Lostwithoutmum]

This is really hard. Mums are so so special...

I know you are angry with your sister but try to ignore it just now.....

I would just take it one minute at a go..

You are in my thoughts

[MissuDad]

I´m really sorry for what´s happening to your mom and yourself. There are no words that will make you feel better, but the fact of knowing you´re not alone, might bring you some confort. I really can relate to what you´re going through, my dad was diagnosed with terminal aids 2 and half months ago and died 2 weeks ago. I´m also 29 and have 3 sisters and brother who barely saw my father and are now handling it better than I am. I can only advise you to tell your mom everything you want her to know about how you feel about her, it´s gonna be hard, but please do it. I never said to my father that I loved him, but a friend told me to say it to him at the hospital and on his birthday, before I went away (last time I saw him), I told him that I loved him and kissed him on his forehead... Don´t leave anything unsaid- Big hug

[ezvalet]

I am so sorry. I know what you are going through. I lost my mom December 28th. She was my best friend and world. She was sick for a year before she died and like you, I wondered how I would get through it. Remember that you are much stronger than what you think. I never in a million years thought I would get through this, but I did. And do you know why? I did it for HER. And you will be strong and hold your mothers hand through this because you love her that much. A friend of mine told me "she brought you into this world, and now you will be by her side to help her out of it." That really helped me see what I had to do. I had to put my feelings aside and be strong for her. Also, make sure you leave nothing unsaid. Let her cry if she wants to cry. When my mother was so ill about 2 weeks before she died she asked me how this happened to her. I told her that we will all be there one day, no one knows when. Is your mom a person of faith? That helped my mom a great deal. Again, I'm so sorry. There is nothing harder than this. Please keep us posted as to how you are doing.

Mel