Tragically lost my niece 5-1-13, need support!

[LisaMarie32]

I am here to tell my story and get support. On 5-1-13 I was going about my day as normal when I received a call that I didn't answer in time. The number is for the local hospital. I sent my sister a text as she had been dealing with some medical issues and I thought she may have had to go to the hospital. She said she didn't call but that her 1 year old daughter had stopped breathing and they were rushing her to the hospital. I said I will be right there. I tried to get there as fast as I could . When I got there no one could tell us anything. We waited and a nurse came out and said that they did all they could to try to save her but she didn't make it. I just started screaming NO! We wanted answers and we haven't received many. The facts I do know is this. My sister went to work that day, her boyfriend was at home to watch her 2 daughters. She works the night shift. Something happened there that we may never know the real truth for sure but that caused that little sweet innocent baby's death. Her boyfriend was arrested in 1st degree manslaughter charges and now since he seen a judge for arraignment it was bumped up to murder 2. I feel that we have pieced together what makes sense that may have happened. The thing that bothers me is that his story keeps changing on what happened. My sister deserves the real truth. I have been through so many different emotions through this whole thing. I have been strong for my sister to help plan the funeral but when I go home I just totally lose it and cry and cry. I cannot handle it. Why did she have to leave us? I would do anything to have her back. This child deserves justice.

[mbkubitz]

LisaMarie,

I'm so, so sorry that your niece died. Losing a child is the worst pain imaginable. I literally thought I would die myself when my 4 year old daughter died in 2009, and the only reason I had any will to live was for the sake of taking care of my surviving children. You can expect that a ton of emotions will hit you at various times moving forward. You may even feel like you're losing your mind at times. I recommend reading "To the Newly Bereaved" on The Compassionate Friends (TCF) website. TCF is an organization dedicated to supporting families who've lost children and they have in-person support groups across the country. I highly recommend you and your sister find one when you are ready. They will help you deal with your pain.

When you feel like crying, please let yourself cry. Tears are healing. Holding in the pain and trying to appear "strong" is not. You have been dealt a blow that you can expect to leave you a sobbing, crumpled heap on the floor sometimes - just let it happen. Do your best to find a few people you trust to come support you when needed. They don't need to say anything to you (and most times you wont want them to), just give you a hug and be there with you. Also, grief is incredibly EXHAUSTING, both physically and mentally. Take it slow and focus on one moment at a time. Keep reaching out to others at places like this. You and your sister need all the support you can get. My thoughts are with you and your family during this horrible, difficult time!

Maria

[gambitjr]

Lisa Marie,

I also am new to all of this, losing my daughter on April 22, 2103. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your niece, and my heart goes out to your sister. What i have learned in my brief time I will try to share with you.

Before this tragedy occured, time was measured by the likes of this afternoon, tomorrow, next week, in a few months, next year. When this type of tragedy occurs everything seems to go in slow motion, things become surreal, and we tend to question everything we have done, didn't do or say, wanted to do or say. We get angry and sad. We have alot of questions with no answers, and we are not sure who to ask them to, or who will answer them. We feel like our very heart and soul has been ripped right out of our bodies. You are not alone.

One small thing I have learned so far in this journey is to take feelings in smaller increments, 1 or 5 minutes at a time. If you need to scream...scream, if you need to feel sad...let yourself feel sad....if you need to cry then cry...but when the feeling becomes overwhelming, you need to put the brakes on. Let yourself feel the pain, but only in small increments, and then focus on something else. Runaway emotions will absolutely destroy you and flat out render you helpless. Your sister really needs your help.

My prayers for you and your sister,

Al