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My older sister died from cancer last year- how it's affecting me.


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Hi there all,

I sadly lost my older sister last year after her two year battle against cancer.

She was 2 weeks off her 30th Birthday. I am two years younger than her and it was so tough to see her deteriorate at the very end- to see her in such pain and then to be there at the end when her body couldn't fight any longer.

She had a 3 year old son who is doing so well and is such a wonderful reminder of her.

For the first three months after she died, I was 'doing' so well... everything was going well and I proposed to my girlfriend whilst away on a holiday to Oregon.

When I got back, and back to school teaching after the summer holidays, everything hit me.

I went to see a counsellor and felt very anxious and nervous and down. I also had questioned my relationship with my fiance... wasn't sure about anything.

I finished the counselling and was feeling better about everything. I trained over the winter for a solo and unsupported 900mile bike ride to raise money for the hospice my sister was in... I haven't felt angry but guess that helped having something to channel my energy into. I raised £13,000 and after the ride, and going back to work, everything has been flat and been feeling very down again...

This has really had an effect on my relationship; my negativity is wearing off onto my fiance and we don't have have the fun we once had together.

I know when I meet up with friends it's like an escape and I can forget about things, but I can't seem to do this with my finace.

I have been questioning everything over and over in my head and worrying that because things are different I don't love her anymore.

I finally talked to her about this and she wants to move out to give me some space... she is amazing- she wants me to have some time and space. She has also said that we don't ever have to get married if that is what is worrying me.

I have read quite a few of these posts and my heart goes out to all those who have lost a sister or brother- such a unbelievably sad thing to happen... :(

I wanted to know if anyone else out there has then found other relationships in their lives difficult or how it's affected their marriage...

I sometimes wish I could fast forward 2 years to when everything is ok again and we are happily married... I know that things will never be the same for me again, but I hope that it will be better at least...

Any thoughts would be gratefully read!

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Hi, I am very sorry about your loss. I lost my brother years ago, and it did affect all of my relationships because I didn't want to go through the pain of losing someone again. However, I did. My husband lost his mother, and I lost my father within a few months of each other. I was the caregiver for his mother (who died in our home), and I helped my sisters and mother care for my father (who died at home). Both parents suffered tremendously, and it took a toll on me and everyone else. Yes, my relationship with my husband suffered tremendously. After 21 years of marriage, we both became angry and distant. We actually split up, and he moved out. Well, at the time, we had four teenage children, and our break caused tremendous other problems for our children. While we were living apart, we began to meet to "talk about the kids," and we found we actually were having fun, laughing and talking again. We started spending time together again and setting date nights. After a year, he moved back in, and so far so good. We have learned to give each other space when needed. We will celebrate anniversary 25 in June. So, give yourself some time, talk about your feelings, and set specific times with your love to concentrate on having fun. You've been through a tremendous stress, and it's going to take some time to process. Don't make drastic decisions right now. Things will get better.

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