Members Sammijo2424 Posted April 28, 2013 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2013 Today was a strange day for me. I am having my backyard landscaped, new fence, etc. and this morning I was very happy with the bid I received, so was really excited about getting it done, my husband and I had already planned on doing this done before his death. Went to lunch with dtr, son in law and grand babies, was a good day, then when we got home my dtr went in closet to try and find something and she found a letter and some poems my husband wrote me 22 yrs ago. I broke down and cried from the very depths of my soul. That was about 3p and I still feel panicked, scared, have a lump in my throat, and a deep hurt in my heart. How am I suppose to live this life without him, live without his wonderful, strong deep love he had for me as I had for him. The kids went home, I am all alone again and I miss him horribly. I want to read letter and poems again now in private but too scared to, that I will start crying and never be able to stop, I am in physical pain from crying so hard and long and my heart hurts something awful. Dear Lord please help me make it thru this night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Caremal Posted April 28, 2013 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2013 read the letters and cry it is OK and is good for use to do that. to cry is part of the grief process and after you cry you will feel better. Shall I say after I cry I feel better and I hope you do also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sammijo2424 Posted April 28, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2013 I already cried, cried and cried some more Caremal, I do know crying is very cleansing and usually I DO feel better afterwards, but not this time. I just feel alone, heartbroken and very sad. This grief process is so up and down, Friday I was feeling so blessed and had such plans, I know I will feel that way again but this.....this just sucks. Right now I want my husband, I want the way he could always make everything better, make me laugh no matter what. It is 3:30a and I am awake for the second time, please God make this awful searing pain go away, I can handle that ache I have daily but please not this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Caremal Posted April 28, 2013 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2013 Samm grief is UP and DOWN like a ping pong game good - bad- up - down happy - sad moment to moment. What you spoke of is normal. I was in your shoes at one time and cried and screamed daily for hours on end. I wanted mine back to hold me when I cried - then I wanted just someone to hold me when I cried. I ended up with my dog in my lap instead and we are together all the time now - she misses him also. So as you said you feel better after a good cry most of the time - take that as a positive. You have then had a few good moments and I know you will have more in the future. Time will help the pain to lessesn. sending you a hug .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted April 28, 2013 Moderators Report Share Posted April 28, 2013 I'm sorry SJ. But remember this basically JUST happened and this takes a lot of time to work through. Men don't generally cry as easily as women and even given that I was never much of a "cryer" (not saying it's good or bad) - but my point is even given that I cried every day (and long hard cries earliest on) for a long time afterwards. So try not to be scared that this is uncontrollable or that you will never improve; you will. Again you need time.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members needy Posted April 28, 2013 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2013 The love story continues isn't it beautiful. I found my husband's 6 page to do list, it had the same effect on me. Give it time and instead of crying you will have wonderful memories. Sending you a hug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mielhall Posted April 28, 2013 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2013 I can relate. Looked at some pictures on Thursday that got my emotions torn up...I had been doing pretty well (I thought). Then I ran into an old friend at the store and He asked me how the wife was doing - he didn't know she died in January. That started a near meltdown in the store. Bought a new wallet and got torn up again while shifting pictures around. I've been in a deep funk for 4 days now, it's pouring rain, and depression is taking over. I guess this is the reason I'm having blood pressure spikes but there's not much I can do about it. The realization that I'm alone and probably will stay that way is overwhelming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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