is it just me or...

[thissuckssobad]

Am i the only person that just tosses and turns at night thunking abiut what ifs or the could haves? I can barely sleep since my mom died. I just lay awake crying most nights and its only been two months. Will it hurt so much forever? When does it get easier....im starting to think it never does

[ModKonnie]

You are not the only one who lies away wondering what if.... I think we all do that at some point. The hurt will begin to change from a sharp piercing agony to something more dull. At some point, you will begin to remember your mother and smile and even laugh over a fond memory, but it is going to take some time. Are you taking care of yourself? Do you eat properly and drink enough water? Try to stay away from caffeine because that may aggravate the sleeplessness. We will be here for you.ModKonnie

[ForeverRemembered]

I too had the hardest time falling asleep after my mom died. I would lay down and a few minutes later have to get up and go cry for awhile. Then, I would try to sleep again. It was a difficult cycle. I am sorry for your loss. I know that we are all different, but I wanted to share with you what helped me. Someone told me that the brain takes awhile to deal with death. It has to process through everything in order to accept what has happened. It is going through the "what if's" and the "Could Have" in order to try and make sense of it all. Once I was told this....I almost instantly felt some relief. When my brain would start to "wonder" during the day, I would try to cut it off and tell myself to process it later. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. It does get easier. I promise you. It takes time. I lost my mom 7 months ago and I am just now starting to feel better. I still have my "break down" days but they are farther and farther apart. Will you ever be the same person you were before your mom died....I don't think so. I know that I am not the same person. You don't tell me when you lost your mom but I am assuming it wasn't long ago. We are all here to help you. We don't know you, and we don't judge because we are all going through the same pain. Feel free to post if you need some help. Take Care.

[mariemb]

I do the same. I sometimes get anxiety attacks right before I fall asleep, my mind just keeps going and going and going until my body acts out I guess. They once told me that the pain will never go away, but that you learn to live with it, and that it will go from a heart stabbing feeling to a more tolerable and dull sensation. I still get the heart stabbing thing at times, other times it feels like I'm just numb. What I can tell you, is that life gets better. You actually learn how to get into this "new normal" place in life, where you adjust to the situation and everything that comes after the storm. I've laughed uncontrollably, but I've also cried my self to sleep at times as well. It will get better, but you can't rush it, you just have to ride the wave I guess.

M.

[mommaofangelmatt]

I do the same thing. My mom passed in dec 2012. I have the feeling of what if I didn't have to work that night and other what if question that have known to keep me up at night and make me feel really depressed. I don't have as many now as I did just a few months ago. I feel that now it more of just looking back as memories and wishing you could have that back. Sorry for your lose.

[reeling]

I lost my mom in October 2012. I am just now getting to the point that I feel like it doesn't control my every thought and emotion. Like someone said in a previous post, your brain has to sort through things. I believe I was in denial for a good 4 months. I have now crossed over into the 6 month time frame and the pain and anxiety are waning some. Do not expect to react the same as others as your relationship with your mother may be different from others. I have had several friends and family members that are my age that have lost their mothers recently. I feel like I have the upper hand to help them deal with things but at the same time it tends to rip my heart back open to my own pain.

I tend to have problems with anxiety, previously wondering if I didn't have PTSD since I felt like I could barely function. I have learned ways to calm myself down when I get to that point -- be it, some would say unhealthy, just taking my mind off of the fact that my mom is gone for the moment. The last thing moms would want us to do is harm ourselves in the process of mourning the loss of them.

[sammihendo]

Hey there! I am so very sorry about your loss. I hope I can help you by sharing my experiences.

My mom died when I was eight. I am sixteen now. I can remember her... but it is hard to tell what I actually remember from what I know from stories, pictures or videos. Since she died when I was young, I always experience "what ifs". I always wonder what she would do for me or how she would react to things I do... I always find myself thinking "what if mommy was here?" However, I never think of what-ifs or could-haves in saving-her-terms. I was too young, so I couldn't identify with you there. It has been about eight years and I was young when she died, but i still lay awake, sad, most nights as well. I do not want to scare you, believe me... but I wish someone told me this years ago: it doesn't get easier. I don't know what your experience will be like... everyone is really incredibly different in grief, as you have probably heard. For me, it gets worse year by year and I am waiting for the point where things will turn around. If you need to talk or have questions, message me! I am so sorry. Good luck with this. Really.

[Mommachobo]

I lost my mother Dec 1 2012 and to this day I have not slept completely through the night. I average about 3 hours total... I constantly think about the "what ifs" and the "could haves"

U are not alone in this at all..

[Mommachobo]

I have completely come to the conclusion that a person never gets over the grief... we simply learn to live with it... How can you heal a hole in your heart that is so big