Life is just so stinking hard

[Sammijo2424]

I sit here all alone. Yesterday was 10 weeks since husband has been gone. I came home Monday after 17 day trip, I have pretty much been in the bed ever since. The first few days I was content, was at peace, or numb, just was not feeling anything. Today I have cried a lot and know I cannot just lock myself away from the world. The phone has not been ringing, amazes me all those people who were suppose to be there for me. I do talk to my girls though, about every couple of days.

Life is just so stinking hard, I am back to asking God....WHY, why take my wonderful, caring, giving Christian husband who I love so dearly. Not once in 22 years together did either of us say we did not love each other, even when we had problems 10 years ago, it was not because we did not love each other. I will always love him. I even asked God to please just let me die, I want to hold him, kiss him and be with him again. I know that is not the way it works, but would definitely be ok with me if I died. Seems things are getting haRder at this point, I think of him all day, every day. I can't watch I love story on tv, I can't watch any of the tv shows we use to watch, can't listen to music as I am driving, I cry too much.

[IMISSTAO]

You should definitely join a bereavement group at a hospice, and I would also suggest talking to the pastor at your church and asking for assistance, just some people to help with meals, checking in, and motivation. I am sure the pastor will help organize it for you, and your congregation will help. Without my sister I would sit on my butt, but she is here and so are my parents, helping me through it. Some days I am numb, too, and some days a wreck. Some days I am both, numb part of the day, a wreck the next. I see his face all the time and miss him greatly as do my young kids. We are going through a very hard challenge. The bereavement group helps me know I am not alone, and I can go over my frustrations and sadness. They have also helped me with giving me some numbers. The ones farther along in the grief process have told me I can call if I need someone to come over and be a friend. It has been helpful. Please try to reach out.

[GeneB]

Dear friend,

I too lost my wife of 56 years five months ago tomorrow. Your feelings are similar to mine and I venture to guess, like most who have lost a close loved one. After five months I feel a little better but I still have gusts of loneliness, crying, sadness, guilt, and on and on. However, I have read a lot on grieving and there are two things that stand out: no two people grieve the same and grieving is a process that you must go through and takes a lot of time. Also, it is important not to hold this inside you: if you want to cry, cry; if you want to scream, scream; if you want to talk to his spirit, talk. All of this helps. I totally agree with IMISSTAO in that you, like I, needed counseling. I found hospice to be an excellent place to help for both individual and group counseling. If your husband didn't need hospice, that doesn't matter. Just call them and they will tell you when the next group meets and will give you an appointment, you want individual counseling. You mentioned that people have not called you--they most likely won't. I would guess that it isn't because they don't care, it is because they don't understand and don't know what to say. I will bet that many of your friends want to but are afraid to. So call one or more of your friends and see if they will have lunch or dinner or just invite them over for coffee. Be honest and just say that you need someone to just listen. I found my sons to be so helpful by visiting me and my visiting them. I took up golf again just to be around someone. If you can volunteer, like at your local food pantry or something like that, it will put you around people and believe me you need to be around people. Otherwise, you will go nuts.

God bless you and hang in there.

GeneB

[needy]

My heart goes out to you. I lost my husband to sudden death 6 weeks ago. I was in total shock. My sons and I were in extreme agony. I took everyones advise. I read 4 books on grieving and my sons and I are in councelling. Every day it seemed I got more and more bads news. I felt like I died inside. Lets face it death changes everything. My husband lost his father at a young age and it caused him grief his whole entire. I didn't want my children to have this agony their whole life.

Here is some things that have helped me. I still can't listen to music on the radio when I am driving, I start to cry. Instead I listen to books on tape. Helps alot.

Lots of friends will not call. They don't know what to say and they feel they will be bothering you. You will have to make the first step.

Why did this happen? I ask myself that everyday. Unfortunately I might never know why my husband passed away in his sleep. I am struggling with this. I just finished reading On Life after Death by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. I totally recommend it and I will read her other books. She explains death so beautifully.

I can't watch TV as well. Instead I read. I have read so much on grieving. Now I am reading books on happiness.

I know it can be hard to seek out help especially when anxiety levels are so high, but give it a try. Another bit of advise is if the councellor doesn't seem right try somewhere else. I went through two councellors and finally found the best.

I still find things take me a long time to get done. Brain function isn't like it use to be. But slowly I am getting things done.

My heart goes out to you.

[katren]

Losing someone you love is the hardest thing there is. Robin and I were married for 31yrs. I didn't have a good childhood or early life, have been divorced, then I meet this man at a dance from that night on we were never apart. He loved me so much and supported me in what ever I wanted to do, in those years he never said a bad word to me or raised his voice to me. He was a gentle, loving man in his eyes whatever I did I was the best even though I knew I wasn't. We sold our home to travel we had a dream a purpose, what do you do when half of you has gone and your dream as well. I feel like a ship without and anchor just drifting around with no where to go and no purpose to life. I have volunteer but I find I am like a robot just going through the motions. It has been nine months now but I still cry every day, I feel so lonely and lost, I have no one to talk to any more, no one to share with.

[Sammijo2424]

Today I went to apply to be volunteer to a wonderful organization. The director was so happy I had come in, she showed me around everywhere in the building, she named off so many areas that she thought I would be good in and told me I could volunteer as much as I wanted they would be so happy to have me. I am so very excited, to be needed of course makes me feel great, and to have the opportunity to help so many people. I just pray it will be a good fit for me. After I got home talked to a friend for 2 hours, crying about my husband, it feels strange to me moving on with life...he was my life, my everything and am just missing him so much today.

I am so grateful to have one friend who will talk to me anytime, ask me over or come to my house anytime I need her. My counselor told me that having one friend like that is worth more than 100 other kind of friends and that is so true, so grateful for her. Yes I have kids but they just get upset for their mama when I am crying and bawling. I also talked to another friend today and she wants to get together more, she is actually my ex sister in law.

I hate this new life without my husband but I know he would not want me to just lay in bed all day and die. He wants me to live and work for my Lord and Jesus and that is what I have to do until my time comes and I can once again feel my love's arms around me

[needy]

I am so proud of you.

[Lyrik]

Sammijo and everyone thanks for sharing an speaking so frankly.

This was the other thread that convinced me to join up, that it would help . I can't believe you had the courage to begin volunteering. I'm not even close to that yet.

Your doing it gives me hope.....!!

[Sammijo2424]

Today was my first day to volunteer. I did not go to sleep last night until 3a because i was so nervous, then woke up at 6:30a because I was scared of being late. This morning was tough, because when my husband worked nights, he came home at 6:30a and would come and sit on side of bed, I thought...I am really alone, no one to tell me I love you or tell me i am beautiful or tell me how much he lovedme, made it tough to get ready, but I pulled myself up and said I have to do this, so just get up and get after it....so I was nervous wreck driving there and ya know what.....it was great, I had fun, was rewarding helping people who did not have enough food. Today I worked with food pantry, The Director wants me to familiarize myself with all aspects, they have sooo many programs to help people. There were several people I knew there, and we chatted when things were slow. Thank you God for allowing me to take this opportunity to get out and be around people, and to help others less fortunate than myself.

[Caremal]

Sammijo

GOOD FOR YOU YOU are a good example for others. I am glad you had a good day.

[Austykatie]

That is so wonderful what you did today! I am sure your husband is proud of you! I do know that even when I don't want to get out of bed and get into the "real" world, somehow I find the strength to do it. I could spend 4 days of sleeping, crying and being super sad and then the 5th day I make myself put makeup on, a nice outfit and do my hair! I have to admit it does feel good once I am out however it takes a lot for me to get to that point sometimes! Hang in there young one!

Today was my first day to volunteer. I did not go to sleep last night until 3a because i was so nervous, then woke up at 6:30a because I was scared of being late. This morning was tough, because when my husband worked nights, he came home at 6:30a and would come and sit on side of bed, I thought...I am really alone, no one to tell me I love you or tell me i am beautiful or tell me how much he lovedme, made it tough to get ready, but I pulled myself up and said I have to do this, so just get up and get after it....so I was nervous wreck driving there and ya know what.....it was great, I had fun, was rewarding helping people who did not have enough food. Today I worked with food pantry, The Director wants me to familiarize myself with all aspects, they have sooo many programs to help people. There were several people I knew there, and we chatted when things were slow. Thank you God for allowing me to take this opportunity to get out and be around people, and to help others less fortunate than myself.