Loss of my only son

[myangeldevins]

Hello, I am new here , I was having a really bad morning so I decided to find something that may help and I found this site! I have read some post and I feel everyones pain!! I lost my son on March 14,2013 he was a senior in high school and was a really talented wrestler on the varsity team , He loved everyone and he had so many friends!! I still can't believe he is gone! I keep waiting for him to text me or call or walk through the door!! I have started counseling and I am seeing a doctor who put me on antidepressants but nothing is working I just cry cry cry or stare into nothing I have 2 girls 12 and 8 and an awesome husband who I haven't been there for , I feel so hopeless I just don't know what to do! I truly am trying to get help anyway I can! I've bought tons of books about heaven and grief but I try to read them and just can't ! I am going to see a medium on Wednesday to see if they may help ease some of this pain ! I can't bare the pain I just want a break even if only for a minute, I wish I would die so I could see him again!! I am no good here anymore anyways I am broken and will never be the same! I would never kill myself but I wouldn't care if my life ended tomorrow! I wouldn't want to hurt the rest of my family but what good of wife or mother am I if I just sit around crying all day and not being able to smile about anything? Nothing makes me happy anymore there is no Joy!!

[Guest]

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[justinlsmom]

Myangeldevins,

I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my only son on August 4, 2012 and found this site a few weeks later. It has helped me tremendously. Just knowing that you are not alone, there are unfortunately many mom's out there walking this walk with us. There is nothing I can say to ease your pain, there is nothing you can do to ease it, we all have to go through it alone. It has been almost 9 months for me and I can honestly say, I am now able to function, work and live. I can once again be a mom to my daughter and a wife to my husband, the pain is still there, always will be, its just eased off and I have more control over my emotions. It is so so early in your journey, remember to take your time, don't rush yourself, listen to your body and your mind, it will tell you what you need to do and when you need to do it, you are on autopilot right now, you are in shock, and I can honestly say looking back, thank god for shock, I am not sure i would have made it through those early months. You mentioned you read, that is what I did, I read every book I could get my hands on about losing a child and the afterlife, that is the only thing I could concentrate on, somebodays, many days, I would bring my book to the cemetery and sit there and read for hours, looking back I am glad I did that, I needed thatt time, I needed to feel like I was still taking care of him, I know some of my family thought I was losing it but I knew me, I knew what I needed and It helped me tremendously.

You mentioned going to a medium, I did two months after my son passed, my own personal experience was great, I had some peace in my heart after that experience, it is not for everybody, but as a mom you grasp at anything to feel a little peace, to know your childs is happy, my thougt process was as long as he is happy, I am okay with him not being here with me, I will see him again. We all take what we want out of seeing a medium.

You have along journey ahead of you and you have other children to still take care of, I know its hard, I have and am going through this, but I can honestly say at this point, if it wasnt for my daughter who is only 16 I am not sure where I would be right now, she gave me a reason to get up in the morning, a reason to move my butt and I needed her to know that I love her as much as I love her brother and that she is just as important to me, I know its hard, but they say "life is for the living" and I need to now make sure my daughter is going to be okay as she grows and matures into a young adult. I am able to say this now as I am down the road almost 9 months. I will think of you every day and pray for some peace for you and your family. Take care.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Myangeldevins,

I am so sorry for the loss of your son and pray that God would help ease your pain. We have been without our Jesse David for about 6 months now. I found the book by Dr. Mary Neal on heaven to be very helpful. Dr. Neal lost her son who was ran over.

We are here for you just to listen, cry with you a bit, and share the journey. Most people post in the main forum, Loss of an Adult Child just to make it easier to talk back and forth and share ideas.

Allow yourself to mourn. With the death of your child it takes a long time. Remember how Jesus wept over Lazarus death, and it says that he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. I know that God was with me at that level in my broken spirit.

This forum has helped me since it gave me a chance to talk with other parents experiencing the same. May you find some comfort here.

Jesse David's Mom, Laurie