When Do I Seek Help?

[lamp]

For those of you who sought counseling, at what point did you seek it? I don't know what I'm feeling is situational depression or something more serious. At the one and only grief support group session at church I attended shortly after Dad died, the facilitator said I was situationally depressed and shouldn't medicate myself for something that I should be feeling anyway. It's been 3 months now and I see no improvement. I'm only eating one meal a day. I have no appetite, and when I do, I reach for junk, so I haven't lost any weight. Plus, I'm not sleeping -- it's almost 1 a.m. here and I'm very wide awake. When I do sleep, it's for only a few hours at a time. Plus, adding to all this is my husband's lack of support and for that matter, his general attitude about everything. He's very much a Danny Downer and just asked me the other day if I was "still grieving" and if so, what sort of timeframe are we talking about so he can prepare. The ass. Anyway, I feel myself falling deeper into despair. Although I have started exercising again, I get no real enjoyment out of it. For that matter, nothing excites me anymore. I just feel like checking into the psych unit at the local hospital sometimes.

[dsmurph]

you go when you feel ready. It is different for every one. Elizabeth Kubler Ross is a good author. she spent her whole life helping people and saw a lot. She may help you some. I don't sleep either. it has been 6 months. Hang in there.

[Mermaid Tears]

for DSMurph...and Lamp....sleeping patterns do get in the mix...it is because of the 'grief stress' we are under....and one should not try to get 'normal' in this...for you are in an abnormal part of your life...grief is a very physical thing....and we don't really give it the respect we should...so....you...and me....should be very, very good and kind to ourselves at this time...it is not instant...like so many things are in our world now...oh no....it is a very, very slow...slow process for us to adjust to....and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is what I turned to and read every book she wrote....it all 'helps'...but there is not going to be a cure-all..or magic pill to take.....take comfort in what gives you comfort...and then...wrap yourself in everything good and beautiful and bright about your loved one....sometimes I wake at 3 in the morning...and simply know....I am trying to find myself again.

[dsmurph]

Thank you Mermaid Tears.

[ModKonnie]

Lamp, Three months is not a long time in the grief process, especially when you lost someone as profound as your father. The reality of the entire situation may just now be settling in for you, and you may be feeling just awful. Not being able to sleep is very normal. Eating junk and drinking caffeine could be part of the problem. I know you don't feel like exercising, but returning to a normal exercise routine will begin to help. Perhaps you can print some materials off the internet about grief and let your husband read them. Obviously, he has never had a deep loss or he would be more understanding. Do you have other family members you can talk to? What about friends? Talking about your father and how you feel is the best way to begin to process what you are experiencing. Coming here was a good decision, and there will be many people here who can offer support and encouragement. We will be here for you--ModKonnie

[lamp]

I'm reading On Grief & Grieving right now. It's been a comfort. Thx for the recommendation.