lost both of my grandparents .

[frantakes]

Im trying to post at this group seeking some help. About two years ago, i moved to Dallas Texas because i felt it was time to leave the island that i am from and also,give a second chance to my father,since we have never a good relationship.

Since the very first day that i moved with him,i was treated like a stranger and prived of things just like i was 15 year old girl. Needless to say that i cry every night because my heart felt that my very own father did not (and still feels the same) loved me.

To make things short , neither of my parents raised me and thats why feel somehow not attached emotionally to them. And thats how my grandparents come to the table.

I dont remember my parents on graduations,kindergarten, plays,partys,etc. I just remember my grandparents.

During development here in Dallas,my grandfather dies on October 27,2010. A Wednesday that i will never forget and still today,torments my life. I couldn't say goodbye and neither of my parents took the chance for helping me with that.after i knew It,i didnt speak,moved or talk for two entire weeks.

My grandmother lost her mind when he perished. She couldnt believe as me that he died so she up on herself completely.

Later on this year she perished in febuary,how we still dont know and thats another story and it involves someone else.

I have more dark days than bright ones,it is also affecting my partner somehow because i am always anxious or negative on any life situations. I dream with both of them all the time,i drive and cry on the car anytime i think about them.

I neverwas emotionally lifted by someone to help me with this or even time to grief due to all the bad experiences ive been since i moved two years ago. Ive felt cc unloved kicked out,unemployed, unsuccessful trying to find a job,homeless and have been sick and with no money for food or medicines in less than two years.

I need help because i feel that i cant this pain held inside anymore.

[Sammijo2424]

I lost my husband 10 weeks ago, and my father in law 3 weeks before that. I would suggest that you seek help from a counselor or grief support group. I see a counselor and have finally found a group support about 35 minutes from my home, I will start going Tuesday, they have them once a week. I am so sorry for your pain. I lost my Mom 25 years ago and my Dad 3 years ago, it is so hard when you feel you have no one in this that loves you. Do you have other family you can turn to. My counselor told me this week, it is ok to cry, I won't you to still cry, it is cleansing. You don't try to keep pain in, it will only hurt worse, when you are alone, allow yourself to feel the pain and CRY!

Perhaps your Dad has some major problems he has never shared with you, maybe he does not know how to show it. You must know....God loves you and will never leave you. You can give all your pain and problems. Myself, I try giving it to him, but does not always work, I take it back, then I try again. Praying for you