Lost Mom suddenly and my job is writing about happiness

[Solar_Halo]

Hello everyone,

I lost my mother a little over 6 months ago. She went into the hospital for an emergency appendectomy and was recovering, but about a week later she suddenly passed. I spoke with her one day, couldn't find her the next and heard from a family friend about what had happened. I live abroad as did she, so I was on the next flight to her. There was a huge ordeal with the hospital and them not wanting me to ask questions. Eventually during this struggle I went to the news media and was in the public eye for a while, which was a new, overwhelming experience.

It feels like there are more good days than bad now. I am not yet 30, an only child, and Mom was my best friend. No one can even fathom what a nightmare this tragedy has been. With the exception of some help from a few friends, I did everything -- two funerals (never planned any before), wrote her obituary, eulogy, cleaned out her apartment, packed everything, brought everyone back halfway across the world, secured legal counsel and put together the case, you name it. Somehow managed to tap a source of strength I didn't even know existed in me, which comes from my faith. I am grateful to have been able to do this for her because I love her so much.

I had a leave of absence from my studies for 6 months, but now am back at them. They are on happiness, and writing a thesis is a fairly solitary pursuit. As different thoughts hit me at certain times I am back to feeling horrible, sad, and alone. I have some support and a church community that is wonderful, but am otherwise alone on a daily basis. I make an effort to find activities to do with others, but sometimes sharing things with them leaves me feeling deflated. Sometimes my mind wanders to how she will only be there in spirit when I graduate, and if I am lucky enough to ever find someone to love, get married and have children. I just wasn't ready for her to go. The only solace I have now is that she is in Heaven and enjoying a beautiful new life there. Sometimes I am able to tap into this feeling of peace, but not always and it is still a daily task of managing thougths and emotions.

Thank you for listening! I would appreciate hearing from anyone, and especially on how you are able to cope longterm with things that were unresolved (not being able to say goodbye, or ever hug them again for example). And what do people think of the idea of "moving on" which I would rather think of as "going forward" since it doesn't really seem like this is a loss that will ever go away (like it does after the break up of a romantic relationship where "moving on" is an actual possibility), but perhaps a lessening of heartbreak over time. Any thoughts?

[kaycee42]

Hi there Halo

I am sorry for your loss. My mother died 3 years ago and my father 7 months ago. I am finding it very hard at the moment it is not like at the start when I felt like my heart had been ripped out but I am sad inside and lonely. When my Dad passed I was only just starting to adjust to life without Mum, so Mum had been gone just over two years before I began to feel somewhere like normal, still missing her but I think I had learnt to cope. Then Dad passed and it has put me right back where I started, the only thing is that I know I will once again feel more normal but it will take time. The thing is you do not get over the loss, or the things that you did not get to do but with time you learn to live with them you see time does not heal the wound it allows you to adjust. As for going forward, that is life, you either go willingly or are dragged along by time, because everything changes, the good the bad and the great all changes with time, so you see I do not think that it is something we do, it is something which happens. I hope this makes some sense to you and helps in some way. Look after yourself.

Kay