Feeling Paralyzed

[lamp]

Has anyone felt paralyzed when it comes to handling your loved one's affairs after he's died? It's been over 2 months since Dad died, and I can't bring myself to tie up loose ends like close his bank account, make arrangements for his burial (he was cremated but we decided to put off burial until the spring), deal with the nasty nursing home that started harassing me about payment 2 weeks after he died, close his credit card accounts, etc. I've managed to find the strength to return to work and handle my own affairs, but I can't seem to muster the mental energy to take care of all these things. I know I can't put them off forever and I can't burden my mom w/this nor my less than supportive husband. I feel frozen.

[kaycee42]

Yes Lamp that is a good way to describe the feeling. Seven months have passed for me and I have just nearly emptied my Dad's house but even that is forced on me because the house is under offer and only weeks from handing over the keys. On the whole I waited for the days when I felt like sorting something, our emotions are changing all the time. Make yourself a list of jobs you need to do and put it aside. Then in a weeks time pick a small job off the list and do it, just do it no matter what. Then gradually work your way along the list. Even now I have a few more things to do, which I really hate but perhaps we should think of it as doing a service for our Dad's and that we are making sure things are done right for them. Take care of yourself Lamp

[mariemb]

Hi there.

I'm sorry for your loss. I do understand what it feels like, times 3. I was brought up by my grandfather, grandmother, and father, since I was 1 year old. My parents divorced. They all passed away in less than 11 months. I just lost my father 2 weeks ago. So, I've been trying to go through their things and sort them out to see what I can donate and what I can't let go off. Turns out, I can't let go of A LOT of things. I know how it feels to be "paralyzed", I bet that once you decide to start doing something, there's just something that seems to hold you back, and then you turn away. What I did when this all started, was to go into places in my grandfathers bedroom where I knew he didn't really pay that much attention to. LIke the bottom drawers. It's like starting from the bottom up, because the more up you go, the more things that they used frequently, yes? Try and start with the small things, and see how it goes?

M.