Loss of brother

[Mitchelli]

My name is Jessica and I am 17 years old. I have two brothers, but I have always been extremely close to one, Tyler. Tyler was 19 years old. He was the funniest person I ever met and could always cheer me up. We talked everyday and he was my best friend. He understood me and I understood him and I often felt like he was my only family. My parents weren't around much and I didn't get along very well with my other brother. Tyler was my everything. It often felt like we were the same person because we had the same personality and we could tell eachother anything. On January 5 it was his last day before he was going back to college so we spent the whole day together like we usually did. At 6 o clock we were hungry so he went to go get Chipotle for us. I watched him put on his shoes and I think he could tell I was sad he was going out because he kept telling me he'd be back before I know it and it would be sooner than I thought. It was about 6:15 when he left. The hours passed and I began to get very worried. After 3 hours I knew something was wrong so I went outside and looked down the street in hopes I would see him smiling at me and taking those long strides toward the house. Unfortunately I didn't see him and about 10 minutes after I walked back inside we got a call from the hospital saying Tyler had been hit by a car and we should get down there immediately. When we got to the hospital they told us he had a broken arm and significant brain damage. A normal persons brain is a 15 and brain dead is a 3. Tyler was a 4. As the days passed Tyler would not wake up from the coma and they told is he wasn't going to get better. There was no hope. On January 22 we woke up early and went to the hospital. I stood by his side as they took him off the machines and played his favorite songs and waited. His vitals went way down then he would jump and they would go way up until he could not fight any longer and I watched as he slipped away, right through my fingers. I felt so empty. It finally dawned on me that he was really gone. Never again would I hear his voice or see him smiling at me. It's been almost 3 months and I still miss him so painfully much. It still doesn't feel real. I keep expecting him to walk in my room and tell me I'd dozed off and he's home. I want so bad for it to be a dream, and it hurts me that it's not. I don't know how to cope with it. Life seems so dark without him. No one really cares to know how I feel about it either. My dad only thinks of himself. He says I can never understand how much it hurts him because it's worse since hes the father. Tyler and him were never close. I was the only person in the family Tyler felt close to. He was my best friend. I can't sleep anymore. Night time is the worst. I just need someone to talk to who will help me understand. I need someone to tell me that I will be okay. I love him and miss him so much.

[ModKonnie]

Mitchelli, I am very sorry about the loss of your precious Tyler. As hard as it is to believe right now, it is going to be okay. I remember when my brother was killed in an automobile accident. I had just gotten out of the car, and he sped off down the street. It was awful, and those first few months were terrible. However, it does get better, and you will find a way to process all of this. Do you have any friends to talk to? What about your other brother? My father sunk into a horrible depression when my brother died, so perhaps that is where your father is at right now. At night, would it help to listen to some music or cry? Honestly, it is going to get better. We will be here to listen to you. ModKonnie

[callcondus]

I'm sorry for your loss Mitchelli. Just try to stay close with friends and family, and I believe they will get you through these hard times. If you ever need someone to talk to you can always post on formus online. There are lots of people that share your situation. Hang in there and the pain will eventually go away.