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needy

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I am panicking now because I didn't cry today. I didn't cry at all!! I am sad, but I feel horrible because I didn't cry. I was anxious most of the day, and I think I was anxious because I am not crying. I am scared that I am not crying and I just feel numb. What is wrong with me? I WANT to feel super sad but I just feel dazed, like it didn't happen. I am so stressed out because my husband died in a situation that isn't covered by life insurance, and his will, which was super old, was found invalid because it wasn't executed properly. I have no job and 2 kids, and I am losing my house and car. I am having to move out in the next month and live in the apartment above my parent's garage with my small children until I can find a job that will support us on our own. I am packing up our house, looking for new homes for our livestock (losing them), trying to get storage and sell whatever assets I can to keep me afloat until I get a job. I have to get my kids into new schools and I just can't explain to them why we can't stay in our home. I am freaking out all the time and feel like I am not in control. And today I didn't cry. What is wrong with me? I miss him, but sometimes I just can't believe this is all happening. Instead of crying, I am just staring off into space. I still can't sleep, but now I am afraid I am a bad person. Am I terrible? Insensitive? I feel so bad that I am not totally feeling miserable. I should be laying down missing him completely but I am not. I am feeling nothing. And I was SO MISERABLE just 2 days ago!!! What is going on?! Is there something wrong with me??

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You're human. You can only cry so much and be in so much pain and stress for so long before your body and mind say "enough" and basically detach or go numb or whatever to regroup. You're being totally unfair to yourself.

As for the so-called invalid will, who said this? I would fight it. If it's signed, I think it stands a real chance of being "validated," though it can vary from place to place.

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Thank you. Sometimes I think I am going insane. I will be sure to bring this up in my group next week, but I am so scared out of my mind half the time I just need to come here and know I am not alone or plain crazy.

We have gotten free legal consultations from 2 separate estate lawyers, and it is invalid. I can't go into the full story because it is making me painfully nuts. I am selling as many of the small, non asset stuff I can to have money for the interim (lawnmower, TV, dishwasher, etc). I think the temp agency woman thinks I am crazy, too. It was all I could do not to fall down on my knees and beg her to find me a job while sobbing into her pant leg. I hope I pick up something soon.

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I'm so sorry. No, you're far from crazy. It's this world that is crazy, we are the sane ones! Sorry about the situation, of course you can come here and vent anytime..........hoping things pick up for you soonest!

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My sister use to sell life insurance, she told me that the causes of death that aren't covered are only in effect the first year of having a policy. I would ask your lawyers about that one.

I think you are handling yourself well. The first day I sat down to do my widow duties, I handled it very well the next day not so well at all. I now realize I can only do a certain amount per day before I crash. Our lives have been turned upside down and our futures are so uncertain. I have been focusing on the "today and now" and a tiny bit on the future and try not to get too filled with anxiety.

I wish you all the best.

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