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im new heres my LONG story


tiffanycrash

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tiffanycrash

Well let's see where to start....my daddy passed away from lung cancer on 10-20-11. I don't want to say I was ok with it because I was a daddys girl. But I was at peace. We knew it was going to happen we knew time was short we said all the things we needed to say we got all ohe pitcures we needed to take. We got to be with him from the first day in the hospital when the dx him til he took his last breath at home while holding our hands. We said all the I love yous an goodbyes we could. Yes I was heartbroken but I was ok. I was at peace. While he was sick in the hospital one time my mom had to go in for surgery the doctor botched the job(spinal an neck) my moms air way closed an she coded twice. But she was a fighter an survived. She was in the icu for 2 months then rehab then came home. She had problems ever since that surgery. She had RA an lupus that's what made things so hard. She was on massive amounts of steriods an it made her bones weak. She fell in febuary an broke her femur. She was admitted to the hospital where to have surgery she had to be trached. Whiile doing the trache in the OR they caught her on FIRE. She came thru the surgery an started the healing process for the femur an the burns. They took the trache out an sent her to rehab where a nurse gave her 7 pills to swallow without thickening up the water and she asperated. She then got pneumonia ..then a fungal infection from the pic line, then she contracted MRSA. They were giving her mega doses of antibotic she then contracted c-diff. On Monday they started her on treatment for that by Tuesday her stomach was swollen. They did not to xrays or catscans until Wednesday night they didn't read them until Thursday then called an said she had to go in for emergency surgery that was at 6pm they didn't take her into the OR until 2am..they were not expectiong her to make it out of surgery due to the rsk of bleeding but she did. Within 4 hours they were calling us telling us she turned septic by 830 am on 3-15-13 she was dead from septic shock. I'm so angry! God took our dad why did he have to have our mom too. I'm mad at God I'm mad at the hospital I'm mad at my mom I'm mad at myself I'm just plain mad. She was my rock an my strength. I went to her for everything and anything. On a good day I called her three or four times if I was having a bad day I might call her seven or eight. I miss her I miss her voice I miss her lauugh I miss her hugs I miss everything about her.. they had been divorced for many years they may not have loved eachother but they still cared about eachother. They were both remarried at the times of their death. The diied 1 year 4 months and 23 days apart. What am I suppose to da without them??

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Tiffanycrash,I am so very sorry about the loss of both of your parents. I'm just shocked at the whole hospital experience your mother had. They caught her on fire?!! You get through without them by finding a support group through church, the rest of your family, a social club, a hobby club, a counseling group, school, your friends, and others who you can rely on. You talk about your parents, you write about them in a journal and you cry or do whatever you need to do. What has happened to your parents' spouses? Are you close to either of them? Can you talk with them? You have definitely taken a good step by coming here. We will be here for you, ModKonnie

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tiffanycrash

Yeah the whole fire thing was a shock to us too. An the fact some of my family members were walking out of the surgery waiting room saying it smells like matches or somethings burning!! I mean how many people does that happen too. Apparently when you mix oxygen, alcohol and a cauterization tool that sparks it can create a fire. She had second and third degree burns on her face ear neck and back. Even with the lupus RA and diabetes she healed very well in the month she was in the hospital. An my dads spouse married him a month before he died took my grandmother who's 92 years olds home she had for 32 years that my grandfather built with his hands, a gas station they owned since before I was born, two cars and about 50,000.00 worth of debt(she had poa over my grandmother) no I do not speak to her she wouldn't even let my grandmother talk to him before he passed asway. There is now an investigation. Into that and a lawsuit trying to get her stuff back. As far as my stepdad he is a wonderful kind caring man who loved my mother with all his heart. He an I have became very close over the last 15 years. He treated me like I was his own. I have been talking with him daily he is so lost with out her. But I just don't know how to help him. Thank you for the support...I just want her I have cried and cried I didn't know I had this many tears.

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Oh... my....dear sweet Lord. I can't believe your mom went through all of that. My heart just goes out to you.

I know the feeling of loosing them so close together. I was raised by both my grandparents, and my father. My grandfather passed away in April of last year, my grandmother in august of last year, and my dad just passed away 2 weeks ago. They were all gone in 11 months. After my grandparents died, I was so angry, at them, at God, at my husband, at the DOG... now, I don't know if I should be angry, devastated or both.

My dad went into the hospital because he had chronic renal failure, After a few days he contracted pneumonia, he got heavily sedated so he wouldn't feel the pain when he got trached. Then he too went into septic shock, his liver was failing, and developed another infection. After going into septic shock he passed away 4 days later. I can't even start to imagine how you are trying to deal with everything that happened with your mom. The death of my grandparents was something that I knew was going to happen, I had seen the warning signs. My dad, his death was so unexpected, we had no idea he even had chronic renal failure, the doctors only gave him antibiotics for an UTI!!!

If you ever want to vent to just someone, send me a message or how ever this thing works.

I too, have no idea what to do without the only 3 constant people in my life, my 3 parents.

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tiffanycrash

Im sorry for your loss it must be so hard losing them all so close together. There's really no words of comfort I can offer I've learned that!! It makes me so angry when someone says.. is there any thing i can do....shes no longer in pain...shes with the Lord!!! I want to say...CAN YOU BRING HER BACK IF NOT NO THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO!!! SHE MAY NOT BE IN PAIN BUT I AM MY HEARTS BROKEN!!! I WANT HER WITH ME!!! Guess people wouldn't receive those responses to well huh? I couldn't imagine the heartache you must be feeling. Its so sad there's nothing more they can do for septic shock. I mean they do blood work almost every day wouldn't you think they would check for a rise in infection? You were very blessed to be that close with your grandparents. I use to be that close with mine but my grand father passed away in 96 an my grandmother has demienta(sp?)

There's just so much I don't understand, and the fact none of her family was with her makes it even worse. I mean I get she had come out of surgery an woke up an was coming around so then what did she just stop breathing did her heart stop did her blood pressure drop I mean yes I get it was septic shock but what happened did she know was she afraid I just have so many questions and no answers

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UGH I HATED people telling me at the funeral "He/she is now with God" or " He/she lived a long life" ... I wanted to slap them. Yes, I do believe they are with God, but really? People? You need to point out the obvious and use that as words of wisdom and strength? Have they ever said that and then a mourning person be all like " oh gee! that's right! they WERE old! and now they're with God! Awweeesommee!" Ughh honestly, slap across the face.

I later understood that the people that said that to me ( most of them ) didn't know what it felt like to loose a parent.. and the others just didn't know WHAT to say. That is why during my father's funeral, after several talks that my biological mother and some friends had with a lot of people, some of them only came up to me and hugged me without saying anything... maybe they understood, or maybe they didn't know if the " i am so sorry for you loss... again" speech would work again. I dunno.

DId the doctors tell you she was coming around after surgery and that's when she passed away? Or have they said nothing yet? If she was coming out of surgery, they're still in a "dream state", if she was still in a dream state, she didn't feel any pain... it's like my dad, he was heavily sedated, so he was like on this long dream... so I say that he passed away in his sleep. Can't the doctor inform you more about how it happened? I got to see my dad receive CPR from a window, I had just went downstairs to sign some paperwork, took me about 30 minutes, when I went upstairs and saw them doing that to him. I wanted to crawl into a ball and die with him. I too felt like he passed away alone :( I was holding my grandmothers hand when she passed, and I was touching my grandfathers face when he passed... So not being there with my dad is something that I don't really want to go in too deep as of yet, I know the more I;ll think about it the more I'll just slip into my own pity party.

I hope you had a better day today than yesterday,,, Take care,

M.

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tiffanycrash

They really haven't said a lot due to the fact there is a lawyer involved...but they took her into surgery at 2 am. She came out and went in to the icu. My stepdad went in and saw her she acknowledged him an he told her he would see her in the morning that was about 4am. I told my family that I didn't think we should go into see her right then because her stomach was left open because they had removed her colon an I didn't want to risk giving her another infection. They al agreed an we decided we would meet back there in the am to see her and get an update. From my understanding she communicated with the hospital staff between 4 am an 7 am. By I'd say 730 they were calling my stepdad saying she turned septic. (We had asked if that was a possibility they said yes but reassured us if that happened they would treat her.) By the time my stepdad got there they were doing CPR by 830 I got the call she was gone. The last thing I said to her was I love you ill see you after surgery....I never did....

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I can't believe how similar our stories are. Your angel date is march 15th? that's the same day I took my dad to the hospital, where he stayed for 10 days until his passing. It's all so recent, and I understand the confusion that lingers in the back of your mind all day every day. As well as the anger.

The last thing I told my dad before he got heavily sedated was " I love you, try not to remove your mask so they won't have to put a tube inn, ok dad? I'll see you at 5pm" ... I saw him, but he never saw me again. It's just so frustrating, huh? To have had that last waking moment with them, and not be able to have another one.

I am glad that you got lawyers involved. My Aunt is a nurse, and I told her about what happened to your mom, she didn't even blink when she said " medical negligence". I truly wish and hope that you get all the answers you are looking for, and find peace and acceptance.

M.

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tiffanycrash

Yes March 15 is her Angel date. Funny how dates work. My dad died a day before my moms birthday, my mom died a day before my grand fathers birthday. They died 1 year 4 months an 23 days a part. You can look for a connection every where can you? An yes definitely negligence!! I would have some one look into it. We had an attorney prior to this hospital visit for the botched neck surgery (the lawsuit is still on going) an they met with my stepdad inthe hospital this time after she was cought on fire. I'm still unsure of what your dad became septic from. Did they give him strong antibiotics? (Antibiotics can cause c-diff)

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My dad got diagnosed with chronic renal failure, and he had a severe Urinary Tract Infection. So, what ended up happening, is that his kidneys were no longer getting rid of all the bad stuff that comes out with urine, so it all just went back into his blood stream.. while at the hospital, he contracted pneumonia, then he started having multiple organ failure, and developed an infection in the circulatory system... his toes turned almost purple and his legs turned stone cold :(.. I used to massage his legs and feet at the hospital to try and warm them up. So the doctors told me that he went into septic shock while heavily sedated, and that the prognosis was bad. I kept asking how much time he had, and they kept telling me " We can't be sure, all we know are statistics" Ughh, it just made me madder. I know they're not God, but I kept asking if he had days, weeks,months? I guess he had just a few more days. They told me that they wanted to do all these invasive procedures on him, and I asked if that would make his organs work again? Of course I knew the answer, but I just didn't want to see my dad suffer. He was such a strong man, he would have scolded me beyond words if he knew all the machines that were hooked up on to him to keep him alive.

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And yes, it is funny how you find a connection everywhere especially with dates. My grandfather got very weak at the same time that my dad went into the hospital almost a year later, my dad passed away 2 weeks before my grandfathers 1 year Angel anniversary. And, my dad passed away the same date on which I had a miscarriage 3 years ago, it was my first and only pregnancy. He wasn't one to show his emotions, but I knew that he was happy that I was pregnant, because he was as sad as I was when I lost it. So I guess he's with his grandchild now <3

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tiffanycrash

Mmmm "TIME" you sound so much like me or i sound like you. I wanted that answer so bad with my dad too.. it was like OK I know he's dieing but when? I want a day an hour an the minutes so I can be prepared. But no matter what you are never really prepared. You are such a good daughter I bet he was so proud of you for taking such good care of him. My dad thanked me all the time an told me how sorry he was I was having to do it. I have to admit and this may sound crazy but when my dad died it was the most peaceful thing i have ever wittnessed. The pneumonia was what got my mom first too, then the fungal infection in her pic line that went into her blood stream, then the mrsa then the c-diff. We just got her death certificate today and it confuses me...I mean yes she died from septic shock but she got the septic shock from the c-diff. Idk how to explain it list a.b.c.d. but in my mind it doesn't make since an it say natural death. In no way was that a natural death!!! She died from negligence!!!

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What!??? Natural death! Wth!?

In my dad's death certificate it lists under reasons: septic shock, chronic renal failure, and diabetes type 2 for more than 10 years.He didn't have it for 10 years, he didn't even have type 2, he never took medicine for it... so I didn't understand that either. He did have hypoglycemia, that's why I took him to the hospital in the first place, he had his first convulsions because his blood sugar was so low.

Anyways, I was reading the other post. YOU have a wonderful daughter. So young, and so caring. I also took care of my grandparents and dad till the very end. Now I only have my special needs aunty who's 64 to take care of. It's fun though, she's like my much older daughter.

I really wish you get the answers you're looking for, I know i've been saying it over and over, but everything is just so confusing, I can only imagine how you feel...

M.

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