I am tired......

[rkh3]

Of people, after they learn of my wife's death, telling me their story of the death of their dog, cat, aunt, uncle, grand parents, even Mother/Father.

I have lost all of these and this is not the same. I assume they tell these stories thinking they need to show empathy but it really doesn't help.

[needy]

Our funeral director warned me people are going to say the most stupid things. He was sure correct.

I know it is really hard not to lash out at these people, especially when they go on and on and you are correct it isn't the same.

[Caremal]

I am sorry for your loss. I understand after the loss of my husband i experienced the same. When I started to give them empathey - saying that must have been difficult for you - as an auto response. They soon stopped and would then let me tell my story. I have learned that no matter how long ago it was a year or more the loss is still fresh in our minds. And therefore it is fresh in their minds also. The loss of my husband was more then I ever imagined and I am sure that your loss is more then you can imagine as well. This is a good site to tell what is on your chest and to let it go - we all have had a loss of one sort or another. Hang in there time will help your loss to not be so painful.

[widower2]

I know it's easier said than done but try to keep in mind their intent (to help)....

[John4802]

Rkh3. My wife has only been gone one week and I know exactly what you mean. It may be devastating for everyone to lose parents, dogs, whatever but I was still able to go home with my wife and talk about things. Now that she is gone, I am sitting here alone. If she was 95 years old, I might feel different but she was only 61. When my parents and her parents died, we were sad but were able to face everything as a couple

[IMISSTAO]

I agree. I don't like people trying to empathize by comparing their parakeet/cat/dog's death to losing my husband. I lost a beloved pet and it was profoundly sad, but it is NOTHING like this agony. I am glad they are trying to reach out, but "I am sorry for your loss" is so much better than "I know how you feel because my dog died".

[Silvergirl61]

So sorry for your loss...And yes, sometimes it seems that even when people mean well, it doesn't make it any easier to experience.

[rkh3]

Rkh3. My wife has only been gone one week and I know exactly what you mean. It may be devastating for everyone to lose parents, dogs, whatever but I was still able to go home with my wife and talk about things. Now that she is gone, I am sitting here alone. If she was 95 years old, I might feel different but she was only 61. When my parents and her parents died, we were sad but were able to face everything as a couple

Exactly, when people passed away before we still had each other to go home with, talk with, comfort each other. Now, there is no one..............

[HeyJude]

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to face. Hurt doesn't even come close, this is more like torture. At least you folks have people that talk to you about it. My co-workers haven't even acknowledged my husbands death. In fact, my husband passed on 1/4. I went in to work on 1/8 and my boss had the nerve to ask me if I've been drinking.

[Austykatie]

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to face. Hurt doesn't even come close, this is more like torture. At least you folks have people that talk to you about it. My co-workers haven't even acknowledged my husbands death. In fact, my husband passed on 1/4. I went in to work on 1/8 and my boss had the nerve to ask me if I've been drinking.

I am so sorry to hear that! I wish people could understand the grief and pain. Its just hard to breath some days let alone function and go on with life! Hugs

[Caremal]

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to face. Hurt doesn't even come close, this is more like torture. At least you folks have people that talk to you about it. My co-workers haven't even acknowledged my husbands death. In fact, my husband passed on 1/4. I went in to work on 1/8 and my boss had the nerve to ask me if I've been drinking.

Did you tell them you lost your husband? If you did and they treat you like that - it would be more then I could imagine. My heart is with you all.

[wmcmain]

HeyJude So sorry for your loss. I would have to rethink my employer for sure! A year and half after my husband passed I had to quit my job. Everyone thought I should be "over" his death and move on! How absurd!! I was 42 & had been married to him for 22 years! NO ONE in that office had lost a spouse & mother within 15 months. I had enough & was fortunate enough to be able I take a year off.

No one can say anything to make this loss easier for you. Just keep in mind that better days are ahead. Your strength will build as you persevere. Hugs..

[Dmack]

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to face. Hurt doesn't even come close, this is more like torture. At least you folks have people that talk to you about it. My co-workers haven't even acknowledged my husbands death. In fact, my husband passed on 1/4. I went in to work on 1/8 and my boss had the nerve to ask me if I've been drinking.

I lost my dear wife of 35 years to lung cancer 12 weeks ago today, most people have been very kind and supportive even though they seem uneasy and dont know what to say and I can understand that if they have not gone through this HELL ON EARTH of losing the love of your life there is no way they can know how we feel, but then once in a while there is a jerk like your boss which I choose to ignore because stupid people are just not worth my time.

I hope things get better for you and God bless you.

doug

[Kenk]

I have heard the same comparisons. I think they're just trying to relate their grief, selfish, but it's what we do as human beings.

I like to tell them I appreciate it, but this is a different kind of grief. We spend our lives learning to become independent of our families. In a way, this prepares us for the eventuality of their deaths. However, for a lover, you spend your life becoming closer, and more dependent on this person.

It's frustrating. I lost my girlfriend of 2 years early Easter morning. My other favorite saying is there is a reason or a plan. I just can't seem to believe there's a plan for an accidental death where 4 sweet kids lose their much needed mother.