My Story

[Guest]

Just wanted to introduce myself and tell a little about my story. I have been having a real hard time finding health coping methods.

My name is Tim I am 37 years old, my wife of 9 years Nicole who was 33 passed away suddenly on March 19th which as of now is from unknown causes. I have a 3 year old daughter and an 11 year old autistic son. Nicole was my best friend, my soul mate my life. We met May 29th 2004 and were married on August 28th 2004. It truly was love at first sight. We were a perfect match....she was vibrant and outgoing while I was a introverted computer geek. She brought me out of my shell and showed me the wonders of what to me was social awkwardness.

I know it's only been 11 days but even when I was single I never felt this lonely and empty inside. Everyone morning I wake up to an empty room and an empty bed. And if I do manage to get enough sleep to dream i wake up to a broken heart all over again.

I have tons of family support which has been great because my kids really need it, I've been nothing but a zombie not getting much if any sleep and not eating much at all either. I find myself not doing much of anything. We had so much in common everything I watch on TV reminds me of her because we loved the same TV shows, the same music, the same everything.

Everyone says everything I am going through is normal. I just need time to grieve. Eventually the days will get easier, the pain wont hurt as much. My family constantly tells me they are here for me if I need anything, anyone to lean on, anyone to talk to. But I can't help but think it's just not the same. They aren't going to hold me like Nicole did, they aren't going to tell me everything is going to be okay in a way that makes me believe it.

[dsmurph]

I'm so sorry for the loos of your wife. Your children will keep you going. I need to let you know that it will get harder before it gets easier. And then you will have days when it hurts worse than any other daiy. But your kids need you now and will need you in the future to show them how much their Mother loved them, to keep her memory alive. Stay strong for them right now until you can be stronger for other reasons. What a blessing that you have loving family surrounding you. Allow them to help you as much as possible.

[Caremal]

First what you are experiencing is NORMAL. Grief does not follow a pattern. It is UP and DOWN and sometimes in a 5 minute time frame. I say it is like a ping pong machine up and down good and bad. You laugh and then you cry. You feel guilty because you laughed and smiled and then you cry. It is OK to cry and it is ok to laugh. You might try keeping a record on a journal how today was – was it a 10 out of 10 maybe not but maybe a 3 and next week you might have a 3 ½ and then you might have a 2. Yet over the time it will get easier to deal with. Time will help the pain to be less – it will not go away it just gets easier to deal with. I also like to write letters to my husband – and I have done several. Then I also talk to him (sometimes I look at a photo sometimes not. The Chat rooms are a good place to vent as well. It is nice to just have someone to say things to and for others to understand. Us who spend time in the chat room have lost someone special in our life and know the ups and downs of the grief journey. For me knowing I was not alone and others understood where I was and what I was going through helped me. I suggest you take a deep breath and do that often. I send a BIG HUGS to you all.

This is what I posted in another forum yet it is right for you as well. Do the best you can with what you have. Iknow how you want to have someone hold you and just cry - I so wanted that. I would hug my dog and cry and cry. hold your kids and love them with all your might. check out the chat room - when someone is there we can all relate to a loss of some sort. start a journal real helpful in the long run. come here often and read the forums they helped me to know I was not alone and what I was experiencing was normal and OK. you will make it past this time - we all do. Hugs to you

[Austykatie]

I am sorry to hear of your loss. We are 6 weeks out of loosing my husband. It's an emotional roller coaster and know that whatever your feeling is ok. Our loss was tragic and unexpected, I also have 2 children with Autism and 1 without. Our whole family has been struggling and we just go hour to hour and day to day.

I am here if you need to talk, I have not actually posted my story yet but have talked in chat which has been very helpful.

[rkh3]

Find someone who will listen to you, not talk to you. Big difference, helps me a lot.

Sorry for your loss.