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Cleaning out my mothers house


Jesse David & Taylor Mom

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My mother passed 2/20/13. She lived with me for her last few months and i cared for her 24/7. She was my best friend. Even tho she lived with me and was eventually put on hospice my mother refused to give up her apt. She was a believer and hoped that she would beat the odds and survived. She lived in this at for 25 yrs. I have until May to get all of her belonging out. Two days after she died I went to her house and started cleaning up and pulling her clothes out of her closets etc. I was able to do this for about 2 hours. She has a 4 bd apt jam packed with things. But I had to leave and said I would return. Its been over a month and I just cant seem to bring myself to go over there. To the house where she lived, we spent holidays, I grew up. I dont know how I managed the strength to go after her death. I think I was still in a sense of denial and numbness. I dont know how to bring myself to go back and what to do with all her stuff. My mom wasnt a talker. She never express what she wanted done with anything. I dont want to just throw everything away and I have no help. I feel lost.

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stillfighting431

I’m so sorry for your loss. I still haven’t been able to go thru all of my mom’s stuff although it’s close to 2 years .My sister & I kept putting off sorting mom’s stuff as long as we could. A few months ago my sis was cleaning the closet in my parents’ bedroom & came across mom’s woolen shawls & scarves, a partly knitted green sweater with the knitting needles still in it. She cried for hours. Just a few weeks ago I was going thru a drawer & found her reading glasses, prayer book, dairy & a grocery list in her handwriting. I had a huge panic attack as the reality hit once again that I’m never going to see her again. It hurt so much that I couldn’t catch my breath. I feel your pain. It still sometimes feels likes that she’s just gone away for a while & will be back soon. But putting her things away means facing the reality that she never is & it’s unbearable.

We have taken turns to pack her stuff up but we don’t have the heart to give away any of it. So we put it in storage. I hope we find the strength to sort it out some day. I think you should do the same. Pack it up as best as you can & put it in some storage space. You can figure out what to do with it when your pain is bearable & you can think straight. Hang in there. You’re not alone.

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These posts make me sad, because we were denied access to my mother's house and her belongings. Even though my mother was a kind person, she married a terribly mean man. He has been cruel to us for 20 years, and that did not change when she became ill. When my mother was dying, she told us all which of her things she wanted us to each have. Now that she is gone, her husband will not let us in the house, and is planning on selling the items my mother wanted to pass on to us via craigslist. My mother had very little of value...these items hold only sentimental value. There are certain things of hers that I have fond memories of since childhood, like a little cedar box she kept our baby bracelets in on her dresser, or the tulip dessert glasses she made pudding in. I wish so badly I could go through her house and take these things. I'm sure there are a million other things of hers I might like to hold onto that I can't even remember right now.

All that being said, I would definitely not be able to handle having to box up her things and get rid of them. The thought of that alone makes me want to hyperventilate. I'm so sorry the task falls on you to do this very difficult thing.

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Very sorry for your loss. When I lost my Momma I gave her belongings to a pastor to give to someone who would use them and things I wanted I kept. Giving them to someone helps me through it all because I have no one either.

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m-u-m, don't you know someone who can help? If not, try asking at the church you go to, or if you don't, ask a local one anyway. I'm betting you can find someone to help get those things packed and taken to your place or storage or whatever. Certainly you shouldn't have to throw things away. Keep as much as you are able and willing and either give the rest away to charity or sell, or if you know anyone who might want, etc. I can certainly understand you feeling this way though; this just happened after all. It is hard. I still have things of my beloved's I haven't gone through over a year later.

mcp, her husband disgusts me to no end. As for getting any things, if he won't let you have them, and it sounds like he might not even sell them to you, if so, see if you can find someone, perhaps even a few people, who he doesn't know and get them to buy what you can afford to have them buy...that way he doesn't know you're involved and you can get at least some of them back.

I'm sorry for your troubles all, and wish you the best with these impossibly hard times.

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Lostwithoutmum

It is truly hard to go through mum's stuff - It's a kind of resignation to the fact that mum won't return home. I personally can't do it - it brings back floods of memories and feels like re-opening a deep deep wound when it has not started to heal..

Like others suggested, you don't have to get rid of her belongings, just keep what you are able to keep and leave thinking about what to do with the rest of them till you can. Take your time with those items that are not urgent to sort out.. I am so sorry for your loss x

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StillGrievingToday

Emptying mom's house was the hardest thing ever and I had two sisters helping. We held on to sentimental items. Put furniture in consignment stores (hired a guy with a truck for that). Donated clothing and housewares to goodwill. For all the other stuff that's not garbage but wasn't worthy of donation or sale, we placed a "free stuff - come and get it" ad on Craigslist. People showed up within minutes. Two needy families came. Was glad to see them find things of use. Very little was actually thrown away. That helped.

You do need help and support. Ask for it and you'll be surprised that people (particularly those who have lost a loved one) will gladly help.

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My dad died on Feb. 4, and his belongings such as clothes, and some of the household items, made me emotional sometimes. But a friend of my dad took care of most of those things, she was a big help in clearing out the house. It was me and my dad living in the house, and we were friends. I started staying with my sister after my dad died, so I did not need most of the household stuff.

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lossingfaith

Because of situations that were out of my hands it was nessacary to have an auction with all the belonging from my mom and das house. Our atty felt it was something that needed to be done right away after their passing and that is what my sister and I did. But I regret it so bad. There are many things that I didnt hold onto that I should have and now I can not get those back. On the other hand I'm afaid if were not forced to clean things out that I may have never done it. It had been our home every since my sister and I were born and cleaning out 25 years of memories was very hard. I am so sorry that you guys are going through the same thing. But sometimes it our only way to some what cope with reality.

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I posted on here before, and I need to add that what was done with the stuff was that my dad's clothes were taken by someone to send to a men's shelter and other things were either thrown away or given to Goodwill or, in the case of appliances and furniture, put up for sale and sold to different people at different times, at a reduced price since they were used. My sister handled the sales.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Is it possible to pay another month's rent just so you have more time to decide and sort? That way it does not have to be such a hurry.

Also, here is a list for Homeless Shelters with contact numbers that are looking for items in Mass. A lot of times you can get a volunteer crew from them.

http://www.homelesss...sachusetts.html

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