One week

[needy]

I always thought I was a strong person able to with stand incredible amounts of stress. Guess I was wrong. My husband passed away in his sleep a week ago, he was 48 years old. We have two sons. My husband's parents both died when he was young and he suffered most of his life with this. He was just slowly recovering from his own pain then to have this happen to him.

I am feeling every emotion right now and so our my kids. The funeral director and minister have been wonderful. Huge amount of people showed up at the funeral. My children and I will be going into councelling to help our recovery.

The funeral director warned me that people will give me advise or say the wrong thing etc. He sure was correct on that.

Yesterday I started on the "list" off things the funeral director gives you. I was so proud of myself doing that.

Today I wanted to go do something with the kids. Have a break from the mourning. They were sleeping so well I couldn't wake them. So I started going through more of my husbands things to find his documents. Then it hit me.... One week ago he passed. I totally shut down. Didn't eat or drink. I am so weak.

How do you stay strong? I need to get back to work. My husband had insurance but I am sure it going to take some time before the money comes in.

[5boysdad1]

Hi needy,

So sorry for the loss of your husband. I know the pain is unbearable at times. Keep leaning on those who can support you (let your kids help you), keep putting one foot in front of the other, do the next right thing, and know you are not alone.

Bob

[kathyl]

I had to go back to work as soon as possible after my husband passed away. I don't even remember exactly when it was now, but I think it was a week and a half or two weeks after he passed away. It was hard, but it was also a good distraction for just a few hours each day.

Other people have commented to me about how strong I am, and it is one of those things that makes me angry. People keep telling me I am strong but inside I feel like I am crumbling to pieces.

I'm glad you are going to be going to counselling. I have been attending a support group and it has been difficult at times, but it has also made me realize that the things I am feeling and doing (or not doing) are a normal part of the grieving process.

Sorry that you are going through this process, but glad you have reached out here. ((hugs))

[kevinsgirl]

It's hard to stay strong at a time like this. I say don't be if you don't have to be. Let your emotions pour out when you have time to let them. I understand that it's different when children are involved because you need to stay strong for them.

When my boyfriend passed, I got many messages telling me to stay strong. I made me mad because it felt like they were telling me I wasn't allowed to mourn. I didn't listen to them at all. I let myself cry when I wanted, scream when I wanted, etc.

I have to go back to work in two days and I'm not sure how to feel about it. Part of me thinks the distraction will be good but the other part doesn't want to deal with people.

I hope you start to feel better soon. Grieving is such an ugly emotion to deal with.

[Austykatie]

I just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss. I lost mine a month ago today. I can not believe its been that long. It feels like yesterday! I can say I also consider myself a strong person as I have 2 children with Autism. I have never had the chance to just deal with our loss yet but I can tell you it does feel good to shower and get out of the house. At first I thought I couldn't function but given my situation with my kids I haven't had a choice. I feel like that has saved me! I have bad days and cry and am angry but I am trying to somewhat live a "normal" life for the kids.

[mielhall]

Needy, I know just how you feel. The first 2 or 3 weeks I was unable to get by "day-by-day" - I could only do "hour by hour". My wife's been gone 9 weeks now and I still miss her terribly, but it is getting easier to get through the day. Patience is the key - when people ask how I am I simply say, "getting by". I'm not "fine", that may never happen again, but I AM getting by. Just hang in there.

[widower2]

"Hanging in there" is pretty much my stock response - rarely do I say "fine" because I'm hardly that and I hate phoniness, even as social pleasantries.

[ElemmireAnini]

It's okay to feel weak. It's okay to feel broken. But that doesn't mean that you are not strong. The fact that you try shows your strength. I still shut down sometimes and it's been 10 months. Don't hide how you feel. Work is going to be more than difficult. You should try to figure out about what time is best for you. I know that for myself and many others the mornings are too stressful. I usually don't get to work until 10 or 11. I don't know if your job would allow that, but you can always ask.

As horrible as it sounds, as time passes things will change.

[barbee]

I had to go back to work as soon as possible after my husband passed away. I don't even remember exactly when it was now, but I think it was a week and a half or two weeks after he passed away. It was hard, but it was also a good distraction for just a few hours each day.

Other people have commented to me about how strong I am, and it is one of those things that makes me angry. People keep telling me I am strong but inside I feel like I am crumbling to pieces.

I'm glad you are going to be going to counselling. I have been attending a support group and it has been difficult at times, but it has also made me realize that the things I am feeling and doing (or not doing) are a normal part of the grieving process.

Sorry that you are going through this process, but glad you have reached out here. ((hugs))

[barbee]

When people tell me I am a strong person, I want to scream! One little part of my brain assures me I am strong, but most of me feels just like you -- crumbling, crying, wanting the pain to end, foggy thinking,and thinking they don't see the real me. Looking for an in-person support group is something I intend to do this week. Thank you for sharing your comments because they don't make me feel so alone tonight.

[needy]

Thank you for all your wonderful replies.

Yesterday morning I started on the thank you cards. Started off rough then I switch to people I didn't know and it was easier. After five hours (I think it was that long have no sense of time) and a sore bum I had enough.

[kathyl]

Thank you for all your wonderful replies.

Yesterday morning I started on the thank you cards. Started off rough then I switch to people I didn't know and it was easier. After five hours (I think it was that long have no sense of time) and a sore bum I had enough.

That's a great idea - starting with the people you didn't know! Congratulations on taking that step - five hours is a long time!

[Sammijo2424]

Needy - I am just the opposite, I have always said being strong was not my strongpoint, that was my husband job. He has been gone 5 weeks now, I still can't believe it, 5 weeks, most of that time I have been in a fog. I also want to scream---I am drowning, when my kids tell me how good I am doing. I don't even remember a lot of it. I just take minute be minute. One minute I will be fine, the next I am bawling. Ron was my rock, best friend and love of my life, together 22 years, our 20th anniversary would be May 21st. I dread that day. I have not even had the strength to start on thank you cards, but I pledge to start them tomorrow when I go home from my daughter house. Praying for you

[moosh123]

I am so sorry for your loss, My husband passed away 4 months ago yesterday. And yesterday was the toughest day since that day he passed. We have 2 children, 7 and almost 2. It breaks my heart my son will not have the chance to know his father, but at the same time me & my daughter will show and tell him all about his dad. Our 10 yr anniversary will be in June, same day as my sons birthday (strange coincidence I know) and I will be going to the spot we were married with all my girlfriends/bridemaids. I truely understand the terms DAY BY DAY and RUNNING ON EMPTY now. I how you have a strong supprot system and lots of family, friends and love helping you get through it. I dont know where I'd be without all them in my life. We will see our husbands again and until then I'm being as strong as I can because I know He'd want me to and my kids need that. But I still have my bad days and breakdown, like yesterday when I had to leave work. Praying for you and your family