I lost my Dad as a kid, but still dealing with the grief.

[tinalynette]

I am new to this support group and I have never been in a support group. My Dad died when I was a small child, and his funeral was actually on my birthday. So today is my birthday, but yet their has always been a negative feeling with my birthday. I have no memories of him, and since my Dad died my mom has been married 3 additional times. I am currently dealing with the loss of my Dad seeing it is the anniversary of his death. When I was growing up we NEVER talked about him and my Mom would always tell me that I was being stupid or dramatic for ever verbalizing how much I missed my Dad. She would tell me that you can not miss someone that you never knew. I do have older siblings, but I am estranged from them now. I am not close to my mother as she has her own issues (obviously for someone that has been married four times in her life and the divorces were NEVER her fault.) I have so many hurt feelings toward my family as I have always felt like the black sheep that I was never important enough. I am married and we do have a 2 year old, but I do not get the support that I need from my husband. He is constantly working and I am very alone with these thoughts and feelings. And input would be greatly appreciated. I have gone to see a counselor in the past but after a decent amount of visits I was told that I will just have to learn to live with the not knowing the truth about your past and "it is what it is." Obviously not very helpful.

[nopeace]

tinalynette I know exactly how you feel as being the "black sheep" and estranged from others. First, you must start believing you are important and you do matter. Second, since you are not getting the support you need from your husband because of him working don't be discouraged. If you believe in God, pray and read your Bible. Third, STOP going to this stupid counselor who have made inconsiderate remarks and find a counselor who will be more understanding and considerate of your feelings. I hope this will help you. It does ME.

[Namaste13]

I am new to this forum as well. I lost my mother 11 years ago when I was 23 years old. Stage 4 breast cancer. She was 50 Years oId when she passed. I echo your sentiments of feeling alone. I too have minimal connection to my family as we have drifted apart following her death. I consider myself to be the black sheep as I am the youngest of two daughters. You feel left behind and forgotten. I was told that I have to move on and accept it. Stop using her death as a crutch for failures. My self esteem has plummeted and I feel voiceless.

Therapy is great in theory. Vocalizing your innermost fears, worries, etc. I find it to be a trigger, and left each session with more unanswered questions.

Your questions about your Dad and your past, if left unanswered, will haunt you for a very long time. I too have many unanswered questions about my childhood I cycle from anger to utter sadness. i try to speculate, piece ideas together but this has led to obsession at times with no result.

I push away my sig others to extreme degrees, attributing it to their not knowing about parental loss. They can't relate and don't understand my fluctuations in mood or why on her birthday(which is today) I cry and mope around all day. However, don't let this fester inside of you. If you haven't, talk to him about your feelings. It will manifest inside of you and I find that leads to resentment

Sorry so wordy. I just completely understand how you feel.

I recently began writing and talking to her. I express my fears and ask for guidance. I find that sometimes my emotions stabilize after I do this. I close my eyes and imagine she is beside me on this journey.

Maybe you'll find some answers/comfort trying this its not that far fetched to believe that they have answers awaiting us. It's the only hope I have.

Namaste