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After my father's death I can't seem to concentrate on anything.How do you handle this?


kiki

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Hi everyone,I'm new here :) I'm 20 years old and my dad died 6 months ago from brain aneurysm. Everything happened in front of me and my mom, luckily my 10 year old brother was asleep in his room and didn't see a thing. My father was in the bathroom throwing up,my mom went in there immediately and he was lying,not having the strength to get up. We called the ambulance and when they got here,they were so cruel and so unprofessional...they made him get up and go to the living room (he used all of his strength and got up),all the time they were making comments about how it's nothing.His legs were shaking all the time,but he managed to get to the living room and sat on the sofa. He was complaining about his neck,how badly it hurt,then his hands started shaking.They didn't do a thing,they just said it's a panic attack and that we shouldn't waste their time calling for nothing.We tried to reason with them saying it must be something else.But no,they gave him eglonyl and diazepam, wouldn't hear us out and left...His pain wouldn't stop and after 10 min he started shaking...I didn't know what to do so I tried cpr,while my mom was calling the ambulance again...i knew he was dead,but i couldn't look at her and say that...i just couldn't say it out loud,i prayed that i was wrong.When the second crew arrived they checked him out over and over again hoping they would find some signs of life,but they didn't. And our whole world crushed.

All that people say is that you must move on,and you must be strong and so on..as if I'm not aware of it.I do try to live my life,we all do.There are days when I'm ok,and days when I'm depressed,but no matter if I have a good day or bad I just feel empty inside.What worries me most is that my focus is a disaster since his death. I can't study,I try and try and I end up rereading one page for an hour.It really gets me down...I've always been a straight A student,and the first two years of college were going so very smooth (now I'm in 3rd year of dentistry).And I might have to repeat this year...My mom says she understands me and she doesn't push me much,but I just have this feeling that I'm disappointing her.

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You are not disapointing your Mom. She knows exactly what you are going through. I know what you are going through. I tried to save my daughter, knowing that she was already gone. All of the things you are going through, I have and am going through. And I just bet your Mom is. How is your brother? Just get through one day at a time. Grieve the way you need to, not the way others think you should. Know that your Dad will always be with you in spirit dear one. Take care of yourself. Talk to your Mom.

Debbie

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I don't know if you have considered going to see a therapist. What you went through is very traumatic, what with the paramedics being so cruel and not helping your Dad. No wonder you can't concentrate. I lost my mom and also feel empty every day, I have considered getting help from a doctor but don't have any motivation to go and get an appointment yet.

Be gentle with yourself, what you went through is very sad, if you aren't the same in your studies this year it's totally understandable.

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It is not the greatest feeling knowing that your parent died. I lost my mom from a car accident, but at the scene of the car accident, I knew she was not going to make it.

It breaks my heart and I am guessing it does for you as well, not being able to have helped your dad. A helplessness feeling. Its an insane feeling that makes you check into reality and realize you are not in control.

Its okay to feel like this. Its okay to allow yourself to feel like this. Its part of the grieving process...and its part of experiencing life.

i am struggling myself with school and feeling very burnt out. I lack energy and motivation...

Take time off from school and work on yourself. One of my biggest lessons I learned from life experiences is you do have to take care of yourself.

With your experience, allow yourself to go through the experience again. I use this method to help me get through the dark clouds and into the light. I also do a lot of meditation, yoga, and prayer. It has helped me tremendously.

From my counseling sessions I have been going through, I have learned, despite this experience will always be with you for the rest of your life, it shapes you and helps you grow. Its something that will be with you as a shadow and that you can't always run from this shadow. You have to embrace it...now, I am learning to embrace this and its not fun & its not easy. Perhaps, we can help each other out with this, if you open to this.

Here is a quote I found helpful:

It has been said that the greatest souls awaken through suffering. Suffering is not always a curse. Darkness shows us aspects of ourselves that need work, which may not have been exposed to us if the Universe had not sent this suffering in the first place. The greatest prayer you could make would to not ask the Source or Universe to take the suffering away from you, but to instead have faith that everything that happens in your life is only happening to stimulate your spiritual evolution. Thank the Universe for sending you that suffering to help you grow and evolve, both spiritually and emotionally. All experience is a blessing and happens for a reason, so don't be afraid to feel it and learn from it.

Hope you days become better and much more beautiful.

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