Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

BETTY's BACK! My camel riding friend, how wonderful did it feel to leave some of your worries and explore a whole new place? I hope that you are proud of you, I sure am proud of you. Where did you find the most beauty?

Happy Birthday Susannah, are you a VIRGO? Happy happy birthday Dear.

Rhonda, lovely words, not ramblings. Read and refresh and relax tonight. Enjoy the quiet. I am glad for the woman you know who is now with the BOYS, she let's us know that e indeed will see our Angels again.

Kathy, my best to you for the house becoming yours...prayers for sure.

[lostwoher]

♪ ♫ ♬ HaPPy BirTHdaY ♪ ♫ ♬ Susannah !!

Welcome back Betty

Fingers are crossed for you Kathy !!

[lolynbo]

color="#FFA500"]

SO I MADE A LETTER TO KIMMY WHAT TO DO IF DAD AND I CROAK...HER AND KODY WILL BE SET UP PRETTY GOOD...BUT THINGS NEED TALKED ABOUT BECAUSE AS YOU ALL NO WE NEVER NO..SO I TOLD HER WHERE ALL THE INSURANCE POLICYS ARE, AND OUR WILLS...COURSE HOPEFULLY NOTHING HAPPENS BUT I LIKE TO BE PREPARED....

HAVE YAL LINED OUT YOUR FAMILY OF WHAT TO DO JUST INCASE?...OR AM I JUST PANICY...?

THANK YAL FOR ALL THE WELL WISHES ON THE TRIP..AND MOSTLY ABOUT KODY WAYNE...WE WALKED ANOTHER 2 MILES TONIGHT...SURE WILL MISS MY BOY WHEN WERE GONE...HES SO SILLY...

LOVE LOVE LOVE THE PIC OF DANIELLE.... LOVE HER SMILE

[rlolheiser]

Betty, glad to have you back here with us, you have been missed.

Thanks Rhonda, I know, there isn't time for me to be sick.. sometimes I think it would be great to have to take a day off in bed, but even those days don't happen anymore :-)Your ramblings aren't just ramblings.. they are our way of life.. we just have to say somethings sometimes Many so called ramblings.. have touched my heart more than once and helped me get through my day.

Susannah, Happy Birthday.. almost missed it.. hope it was a nice one!

Dee, I meant to tell you that I really enjoyed your writing.. as usual.. makes me smile.. and cry and the same time.

[Guest msnher]

Rhonda - I'm so sorry you have to be on this path, but I'm so glad you found us and you share. You describe what it was like for me so perfectly and as the others promised, it does get softer, with time.

Lorri - Yup. We have taken care of our "affairs"...just in case. You leave this week, don't you? How exciting!

Dee - I'm a Virgo.

Marcia - What a gift your girl gave you and Larry! An absolute gift!

Thank you for the birthday wishes. It turned out to be a wonderful evening. Gary had wanted to and planned on taking us all to Olive Garden for dinner. Instead he gave into his wife's requests and brought home chili cheese dogs from hamburger Stand. My daughter in law made my favorite cake and brought ice cream. I went to a mtg with my son and then we came home and had cake and watched the kids play. Gary put the new light/fan up in Jonathon's room - Little Curtis pushed the broom around the hardwood floors - Kaylee, Jasmine and Jonathon colored and Mariah did her homework. After all the kids were in their respective beds in their respective homes, my son, his wife, Gary and visited outside until just a few minutes ago. (their backdoor is about 15 seconds from our backdoor) It ended up being a perfect birthday!!

Kathy - You have to do what you have to do and only you know what's best for you, but do you think it's in your best interest to go to functions with your unfriends....I think you said you another party coming up. I know you said you arent' letting them interfere with your fun, but aren't they doing just that? Maybe it's time to give your own dinner party and invite people you've only thought about getting to know better before?? Just wondering.....

Betty - I don't know if I welcomed you back....I'm so excited to see your pictures!

Gotta sleep tonight....A-16, my friends!

[ericasmom]

Susannah, sounds like a wonderful birthday, glad that the Hubby listened to the B-day Girl.

Lorri, you and Monty are going to have a fabulous time watching the sunset and the sound of the waves rocking you to sleep each night. Kimmy and Kody will handle things at home. I am HAPPY for you and Kody to be walking in the evenings. What a nice time to enjoy each other and be relaxed while promoting good health. Peace and laughter to you.

Marcia, I am so filled by your Yellow-Lantern Story. I love that your Bethany found a way to light your path for all time, 'the knowing' is a huge factor in living each day to our best. She let you see that she is near you and showing you that she is never far away. Larry listened to something in his gut to drive the route he did, and there was the evidence of Bethany's constant love. Beautiful!

Leah, thanks for your sweet words. I do hope that you can catch a little rest today, a time to put your feet up and read or day dream or shut your eyes a bit.

We had a peace day at school, the things my students wrote to add to the peace wall are so charming, so important. I wish that the world's leaders could understand the way kids think, and do what they suggest.

Happy Autumnal Equinox at 10:05 tonight, except Trudi, Happy Vernal Equinox.

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Just lost a huge posting and cannot have the energy to repeat. Will Try to just hit on important stuff

Sussanah Happy Belated Birthday So glad you had a great dinner and the family was joyful A 16 to you.

Lorrie yes, I have all my documents prepared. I even went so far as to prepare a picture thumb drive and my niece (who was not freaked at all) agreed to hold I.

Rhonda and Leah Krichie, Elaine I do understand where you all are and it is hard place. I came here 1 year after Stephen passed and was still a mess. I remember saying I wanted to isolate and just stare at the wall Dee and Carol, Trudi and Sherry assured me I was normal and to just keep coming and posting or reading when able. Bonnie got me involved in making a flag for Pinnacle day and I become concerned with the life of all the Indigos Marcia, Betsy, Colleen, Kathy and Greg and Dan and everyone . At the time I came here I I needed surgery for a Stent in my leg,(I could not walk) Needed new caps and HAD to stop smoking. All seemed impossible but today I can report that I have stopped smoking for a year, had the surgery and walk fine and had my caps fixed. The pain is still there but it does not stop me from living as it did before Please keep coming an sharing it will change

Going to try to post pictures of trip Me on Camel and My partner. me and the Belly dancer on the Nile cruise The sexy looking one with no clothes is the Belly Dancer :lol:

[hotrod]

Trying one more time

remember the one without clothes is the belly dancer [/size]

[Guest msnher]

Betty - did you explain what the camel ride was like already? I may have missed it...was it a smooth ride. You sure look happy and beautiful!

Dee - A peace day. I love it. I hope you'll post some of the things the kids wrote.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Betty, I love the sequential effect of your coming here, the ways that you felt yourself supported and healing. How helpful you are to all those new to our site, and to my old spirit. There is grace in our ache, and it comes from the giving hearts of everyone here.

You look fabulous on the back of a camel Dear, and in a belly-dancers paradise as well. Handsome partner too.

Sus, I will try to post some later, totally BUSY today, but my favorite said this:

Peace is with you everywhere, it runs with you, it swims with you, it even is with you when you don't know it.

[mikesmomrs]

Sus: Don't know how Betty's ride went, but I rode a camel at the Baltimore zoo a couple of springs ago, and if the only way I could get from one place to another in my life was by a camel, I would be walking EVERYWHERE! Although, I must say that Betty's camel looks much more elaborately padded than mine was... I am so glad that you had a good birthday...sounds like it couldn't have been better!

Betty, I'm so glad that you had a wonderful trip...I am glad you pointed out which one the belly dancer was...but I think we would have known which was you...the prettier one, sitting down, with all her clothes on, of course! I am so very proud of you, as I know that Stephen is...taking all those steps to do the things that needed doing, and then to travel as you did. Stephen was right there, beside you, all the way!

Dee: I love that the kids at school are doing a "peace wall." Yes, the thoughts that children have could certainly change the world if only we would listen. And Happy Autumnal equinox to you, too...fall is such a beautiful time of year...I wish it could be longer than it is.

Lorri: We do have a will, but it is SO old, we REALLY need to update it. I hope that you and hubby will have a wonderful time...the kids will be fine...that's what they always tell me when we've had to be gone, and so far they have been right.

Marcia: I would say that Bethany had the night in her hands all along...directing Larry to "just drive the other way" this time...good for you, Bethany!

Rhonda: Holding you close in thought and prayer...yes, we all understand... I have wondered sometimes if my friend Rita has "run into" Mike since she passed away...she had amny types of cancer for 5-6 years and died in March of 08. She and I had known each other for just shy of 50 years and she was there for me all during Mike's illness and after he died. I miss her terribly.

Kathy: Good luck with the house, and I know that if it is meant to be, this will be your new home. I will be thinking of you as you are moving...26 years is a long time to be in one home...we moved many, many times (27 in all---we added up all our addresses one time) while Ralph was in the Air Force, and when we settled down and built our home, we lived in it for 20 years before we moved here.

Betsy, Sonya, Leah, Trudi, Sherry, Bonnie, and all of my fellow indigos...the weather here today is beautiful, and I wish everyone a sweet and beautiful day. Trudi: How did the trip to the beach house go on Tuesday?

I've been given a "reprieve" as to my sister's visit...she's not coming today, but tomorrow...so, I have relaxed some and am just taking my time getting ready. They are stopping for lunch on their way here, so that again gives me a break, as now I will just go and find some decadent dessert to serve with coffee while they are here and we can just talk and enjoy our visit that much more. We may go over to the waterfall that is in the middle of my town, as they really liked being there before, and it is again supposed to be a beautiful day.

Ralph's numbers are up...we are taking it one day at a time...both doctors (here and in Lebanon) are on alert about it and have said that they will wait until late next week to see him, with labs the day before, unless he starts showing outward symptoms of being in trouble before that...(weakness, loss of appetite, confusion, etc.) Life really is a roller coaster, isn't it...

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

[mysonrich]

Welcome home Betty! Fabulous pictures. You look great atop the camel. Is he hamming it up for the camera or what? Catch up later everyone.

[lolynbo]

JUST READ MY WILL...KOURTNEY WOULD GET A 3RD KOURTNEY WOULD GO LIVE WITH HER DAD ....KODY WOULD LIVE WITH MY SISTER AND JENNIFER (WHOM NOW I CANT STAND WOULD ALSO HELP RAISE HIM)...KIMBERLY WOULD LIVE WITH HER DAD.....I MADE SOME CHANGES AND INITIALED THEM....I DIDNT NO WE HAD SOOOOO MUCH LIFE INS...KIMBERLY AND KODY WILL BE WELL TAKEN CARE OF...WE HAVE 2 VERY LARGE NOTES THAT NEED PAID OFF FIRST (A 2ND BUSINESS WE OWNED WENT BELLY UP AND WE STILL OWE A HAIR RAISING AMOUNT FOR). WE LOST IT IN SEPT 07' AND THEN KOURTNEY GOT SICK THAT SAME YR...I JUST THOUGHT LOSING A BUSINESS WAS RUFF...WHO CARESSSSSSSSSSSSS...

WELL I GOT FREE UPGRADE ON CRUISE SO I HAVE TO REDO OUR LUGGAGE TAGS AGAIN..AND HOPE MY CHAMPANGE SURPRISE GETS TRANSFERED AS WELL TO NEW CABIN...DONT REALLY HAVE MUCH ELSE TO DO , CEPT GET NAIL REPAINTED AND MY TOES....PICK UP LAUNDRY (JEANS BEING STARTCHED).. JUST SMALL THINGS LIKE THAT...WE WILL LEAVE EARLY FRI MORN..

YAL HAVE BLESSED DAY

[Guest msnher]

That hard to be difficult to read, again, Lorri.

Stephanie was still using when we created our trust so we stipulated that unless she remained clean and sober for a year (with UA tests) her portion would be divided among her children. We do need to redo it, now, because if we were to die while the children are still young, we need to make sure their needs are taken care of before anyone else got anything. They would go to my youngest daughter. That would give her 8 children. She said we better not die. I'm thinking I'm going to live for a long, long time...but it's just smart to be prepared.

Love the peace writing, Dee. Out of the mouth of babes.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[westleysmom]

Betty-I found a link to Stephen's memorial page in another page that you had posted and went there. It was beautiful and I wanted to be sure I told you that. Loved the pictures of you having a good time, with the pyramids and everything. It makes me happy to see pictures of happy times, even after what we've been through. It didn't look like my strained painted on smile that I have to paste on sometimes. But we're glad you're back.

Lorri-I haven't re-done our will, I told my daughter that her husband was going to be really mad if anything happened to me and her dad, because the will we have right now says she has to go live with her Granny and Grandaddy (haha). Seriously I need to do that, but haven't been able to bring myself to look at the old one. We only have her left now, so it would all go to her, such as it is. Did you get the lobster claw nails done? Have a really good time!

Marcia-What a lovely story. I'm glad you felt Bethany's presence. That's the thing we want most, isn't it, since we can't turn back time to before it happened? To feel them near again, maybe outside our field of vision as Dee says, but right beside us.

Susannah-Your birthday dinner sounds great. How's the back?

Carol-You said it yourself, they're not coming to see the house. Get something really good and chocolatey or caramelly (is that even a word?) for dessert. I hope Ralph's numbers go the right way. I'm sorry about your friend Rita. I don't have many close friends, my family is kind of big and so weekends and holidays are usually family things that don't leave time for close friendships as much.

Sonya-Thinking of you and hoping you are doing okay.

thanks for not telling me that I'm whining, which I sometimes think other people are thinking when I am not like I used to be. I'm doing the best I can, which is all anybody can do. When I see things about "Live your best life" and "Change your life by changing your mind" and other self-motivational stuff, which is everywhere, by the way, I think that everybody else is doing great, just by changing their attitude. I wonder if any of them are going through what we're going through. Maybe, maybe not. And it doesn't make any difference, I guess. Like I said, I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances. One breath at a time.

[lolynbo]

Did you get the lobster claw nails done? Have a really good time!

NO JUST GONNA DO THEM LIKE I DID FOR SAN ANTONIO...WITH A PINK STRIPE....LOL CLAWS....

WANTED TO SHARE WITH YAL THE 16 AND PREGNANT...AIRS LIKE THE 3RD WK OF OCT....THE ONE GIRL BROOKE IS DATING (NOW MARRIED TO CODY) IS THE LADY THAT DID KOURTNEYS QUILT...MOMMAS NAME IS MISTY...THOUGHT YAL MIGHT ENJOY WATCHING IT.....BUT WHATS WEIRD IS I HAVE A BROOKE AND KODY TOO...LOL

OK JUST WANTED YAL TO NO...

HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH EVERYONE...

[daveydow1]

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY,.......SUSANNAH. Glad to hear you had a very nice day.

What a NERVY woman....just passing the situation off as if it was nothing.....using the old "don't blame me......I just work here" excuse.

It's good you were able to keep your cool and not hit her. As someone said....she's not worth getting fined over. But, it is worrisome

to think that the woman is still in her job....supposedly watching out for children in the system, and having such a blah.. attitude about

it all. To not offer a condolence to you for Stephanie's death was just ignorant and mean.

Marcia-----I, too, loved the Yellow Sky Lantern story. Definitely a sign from sweet Bethany that she is always nearby.

Rhonda---Sorry that your friend passed away. Yes, she is now with her son, Jack, and also with your dear son, Westley.

We will see them again. That's the thought we must hang onto. Peace to you, friend.

Leah---Good to hear that you are feeling better. Take care.

Carol----Thoughts & Prayers for Ralph.

Lorrie------Have a wonderful cruise.

Betty-------Love the pix. What must it be like to ride a camel????....Now you know, firsthand. . Congrats on not

smoking for a whole year. That's great.

Kathy-----Forgot to say, yesterday, what a dear pic of Tavian you posted. Such a handsome boy. Also, I think that your so-called friend

treated you shabbily. As far as an apology goes.......she's already said she believes that you took the $200. , so any attempt at an

apology from her would sound insincere and hollow. It's so very hard for you.....I know.......to think that someone so close would say

such things to you. Anyhow, .......I pray that you can get it all worked out, somehow. That's my 2-cents worth. .

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Indigos

Marcia - tears and love...

Susannah - I see your point about "my friends" but the anniversary party is for dear true friends and I am only going to go for about an hour, it is on a Tuesday night at their restaurant - Barry will stay home with Barry. It is diffacult to think that the others will be there as well but I am going to run into them here and there so I may as well hold my head up high and not let them get to me, I will not give them the satisfaction of "hiding myself" --- does that make sense ???

I am to weary and upset to post tonight - the house DID NOT work out - the 2 sisters want to sell not rent so another one bites the dust.....one door closes another opens. Have a couple more prospects so keep the prayers going....love you all. Kathy

[Guest msnher]

Yes, Kathy, that makes sense. I just hate the way they're treating you. You are such a classy lady!

I had completely forgotten about my back! Perhaps my pride was more wounded than my back. Gosh, as I sit here nothing is hurting...knock on wood.

As I was pulling out of a convenience store today, I could literally hear Stephanie's laugh in my mind. I missed her terribly. I called her sister to tell her about it. She asked if I had done something funny and I told her no, but Stephanie thought everything I did was funny. We ended up laughing and then we both felt better.

Lorri - Have a wonderful time. I hope you two are able to focus on each other just enjoy each moment together. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Until tomorrow...

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

Another brain spinning 3am wake up call...

Kathy - I didn't realize it was a different friend's celebration you were attending. I thought it was someone from the camp trip group. You are still the better woman for not allowing the other "friends" to dictate your course of action and social activity. I honestly believe when the right house is ready, it will appear. I also don't think it's going to happen until the very last minute. Just my opinion. It's hard not to be discouraged when you find yourself in the middle of it, though. Perhaps it's more frustrating going through the process than anything else. You've been in your current home for a very long time. Gosh, there is just so much on your plate all at once.

Sherry - Is your canning all done for the season? I had forgotten all about my back. I think my pride combined with my overworked body created the perfect atmosphere to exaggerate any and all pain my body was experiencing. A hot bath and ibuprofin seemed to do the trick....and, chocolate for my wounded image of myself as Donna Reed. The woman I confronted in Wal mart was inconsiderate. My sister wants me to sue. We definitely have a case. However, I'm all fought out. 16 months and $25,000.00 later of fighting for my grandchildren pretty much took it all out of me. Add my sister's death, my mother's death and my daughter's death in the mix of it all that and I wonder, myself, how I kept going.

Purpose. I suppose that's it. I had clear purpose. Those kids always remained mine and Gary's priority. Their very lives were on the line. The only thing I wish now is that the story would be told. Like Kathy's house, however, all doors shut when I approach them. This story didn't even make the newspapers and it's a huge story. Even my letter to the editor was rejected. I get real excited about writing a book and then my brain shuts down and nothing's there. However, I have kept a great journal and have many pieces ready to go in a book, should it ever come about. I believe this story will be told when the time is right.

My sister (different sister. I'm the youngest of five) commented just this week how unbelieveable our lives sound. I don't know how to write it all down and make it read smoothly. I find the fact that we lived through so much (survived so much) incredible. Born into horrible abuse of every kind....poverty, hunger, fear for the first 10 yrs of my life and then foster homes for the next 8. A religious nut in my 20's to a Jesus Freak for a few years and then a drunk. A child born with severe physical deformities....and then finding out my children's biological father molested Stephanie.

My sisters and I mostly lived with our grandmother, mother's side....we were living with her when the state took us away, separated us and put us in foster homes (Las Vegas NV)...The years in foster homes is a whole other story by itself...

Our mother was the town drunk - whichever town we lived in...

Our father was evil and found dying in a ditch....very appropriate. In my thirties, my mother revealed to me he wasn't my biological father. She had had an affair and I'm the result of that affair. She later recanted her story and said he was my father. Who knows? Who cares? I sure don't.

In the meantime, my oldest sister's husband and two yr old son drown. My grandmother is raped, beaten and buried alive by two men. My sister's surviving son kills himself. 2 of my sisters are diagnosed as multiple personalities. (that was a relief for the rest of us and it made perfect sense) My mother came back into our lives as adults, which is a whole other story. Quite humorous if you ask me. Well, I can find humor (dark humor) in all of it.

When I try to tell the story and tell about my own children's lives and the struggles of my dysfunctional self with their drug/alcohol addiction and the lifestyle that entales and then my grandchildren and Stephanie's death.............it's too much. Not too hard for me. I'm at peace with it all...I just don't know how to tell it. And, even though I openly share it here...........I'm not sure I want to open myself up to scrutiny.

Well. nothing I wrote about has anything to do with anything except I don't want to pursue legal action against anybody. Mostly, I live a very peaceful, joyful life these days. I feel very blessed to have been trusted with the life I was given.

A day of peace. It makes so much sense!

Well...thanks for listening to my thoughts sorting themselves out. I'm not meaning to imply my life was worse than others. It's just I find it impossible to try to tell my grandchildren's story without telling my own and my own is too long and too unbelieveable.....I still think it needs to be told.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[heartbeataway]

Betty,

You are so cute! Remember the one without the clothes is the belly dancer ....... too much!!

Kathy,

Have you just put the whole 200.00 accusation in simple terms ....... when were you ALONE with her purse long enough to open the purse, get out the wallet, count out exactly 200.00 and then put it back? If it was in my power and I had the money, I would give her 200.00 and then I would say that since to her I am not a friend because friends can be trusted that I wish her well. Some folks don't understand that friendship is priceless and she was worth more than 200,00 to you.

She's the one losing .........

I'm really, really sorry that with everything else life has thrown your way, you get insensitive, cruel accusations from folks you thought cared. Folks who don't understand that you've already lost the most precious thing in your life. Everything else is just not that important! Just wait ....... you will be the one victorious!

Lori,

I hope you and Monty have a wonderful time on your trip! Be safe and take lots of pictures!

One of my brothers came to Pinnacle Days for a few hours. He brought me something that Mom wanted me to have. Mind you, my Mom has had nothing to do with me for years. She wasn't going to come to Jason's memorial and when she did, she wanted to take pictures of him at visitation and asked for a pocket watch back that Dad had given to Jason. All before his services had even taken place. Never consoled me on our loss or said she was sorry he was gone.

She sent me a musty smelling, cover less, water damaged bible in a baggie. "Santa" gave it to me for Christmas in 1959. I call it my inheritance ....... and I smile when I say it.

I also found out that the pocket watch they drove me insane about until we were able to open Jason's safe and return it to them was given to my brother. He asked me if I want it back. I told him no. If Dad wanted me to have it, he wouldn't have taken it back from me and then given it to him.

As the world turns ........... at least my world ........

Well, we may have another foster coming this weekend. Bless his heart, he's going to be a challenge. He's 15 and described as willfull and defiant. His mom was killed in a car accident when he was an infant and his father hung himself in a local park about 5 years ago. He has been in and out of foster care since his Mom died. He lives with his grandmother and she has let him get the upper hand by being soft. She is giving up now.

I pray we do the right things and make a difference in this young mans life. I'm changing our teenage girl room into a teenage boy room today.

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Susannah Wow You have certainly lived a difficult, full life and have come out the other side. Your strength, wisdom and compassion are the result of such pain I salute you

Bonnie Good Luck with your new charge. I believe I know a bit about Boys in rebellion . You will be a wonderful gift to his life. Families are certainly a trip I am so sorry that you were confronted with such thoughtlessness. You are abeautiful person and it was their loss

The more I hear about our childhoods the more I realize that we have all had difficult times before this terrible loss hit our lives. We are certainly a group of powerful compassionate people.

Rhonda I know what you men about pasted on smiles. Every picture I have since Stephen's passing have that strange look. These were the first that had a sparkle Thanks for visiting Stephen"s site I learned how to do that here as well

Dee You are so right, the pain and difficult times we have experienced do form an impenetrable bond ,and Peace is there within WHEN I choose to LOOK for IT. Many times I look for anger because I am sad and missing my heart!!

Carol We must of had the same camel Mine had a dress!! The most difficult part was when he stood up to walk and sat down to let you off I nearly flew over his head both times Everyone screaming "PULL BACK on THE Saddle Horn". I was glad to get off!!! Holding positive thoughts for you and Ralph

Betsy Hope you are well and the move and new job working out

Leah How are things Hope mom is doing OK

Kathy I am so sad that this difficult time is upon you. I cannot find the words but know you are in my thoughts

Sherry I found my little hurt squirrel today She is fine. Hoppe your little creatures are well too

Just a observation on the trip we found McDonalds in Egypt and Istanbul Tried it for lunch in both countries and the food was the same!!! Amazing

Have a Blessed Day Indigos

[lolynbo]

Our mother was the town drunk - whichever town we lived in...

YOUR LIFE STORY BROKE MY HEART...A LIL GIRL SHOULD KNOW LOVE AND HAVE A GREAT FAMILY BASE...SOUNDS SO RUFF FOR YOU AND YOUR SIBLINGS (IF YOU HAD ANY)..IM SO SORRY THIS IS HOW YOUR LIFE STARTED, BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT IT HAS GOTTEN BETTER BESIDES THE LOSS OF YOUR DEAR CHILD, YOUR STEPPING UP AND TAKING CARE OF YOUR FAMILY AND IM VERY PROUD OF YOU THAT YOU BROKE THE CYCLE OF ALCOHOL AND "MEAN LOVE"...(I CANT IMAGINE WHAT ALL YOU WENT THROUGH SOM IM JUST CALLING IT THAT)....MY HAT IS OFF TO YOU,

IM BEGINNING TO WONDER IF WERE LEAVING ONE DAY TO EARLY...I DONT WANT TO SPEND UNNESSISARY (SP) $$$$ ON HOTEL ROOMS....IM SURE WE WILL FIGURE IT OUT...I GOT THE CAMERA LOADED MY FRIENDS I WILL TAKE ALOT OF PICS...JUST ON OUR TRIP TO SAN ANTONIO I TOOK OVER 500...BUT OF COURSE I HAD KODY TO ENTERTAIN ME...

ITS A GREAT WINDY MORNING HERE IN OKLA....I THINK I STORMS BREWING SO ITLL PROB RAIN TODAY BUT WE NEED IT, WE MOWED THE CEMETERY YEST SO IT WONT BE OUTTA CONTROL WHEN WE GET HOME...MONTYS GOING TO FINISH THE YARD TONIGHT AND CLEAN THE POOL (NO ONE USES)....WASHING CLOTHES AND BEDDING SO I CAN COME HOME TO CLEAN SHEETS..

KIMBERLY HAS A MEETING IN DALLAS TODAY AND A CONCERT IN DALLAS (I THINK THE BLACK EYE PEAS AND KINGS OF LEON) THE KINGS ARE FROM OKC....SO SHES REALLY EXCEITED IT ALL WORKD OUT FOR WORK..SHE GOT TO FLY AND THEY GOT HER FLIGHT AND HOTEL SO SHES JUST OUT HER CONCERT TIX...

I GET TO BABY SIT THE NEW GRANDDAUGHTER HARLOW (ST BERNARD AND NEW FOUNDLAND) SHES ONLY 11 WKS SO SHES NOT HUGE YET...MOMMY AND DADDY WILL PICK HER UP TOM (AFTER WERE GONE)..

OK AS YAL SAY IM RAMBLING....

CAROL PRAYING RALPH IS WELL ....BLESS HIS HEART...

PRAYERS FOR ANY OF YAL THAT NEED ADDITIONAL PRAYERS (BESIDE THE OVIOUS)

[ericasmom]

OK Sus, the opening line from which to write is:

My mom was the town drunk, whichever town we lived.

Hard to beieve that life offered so much and so little at the same time. So much destruction, so much lonliness, so much heartache and misery, and yet, so much that was absorbed into your heart. My life was not quite the same but the abuse, (sexual) was throughout, and MOm was depressed and agaraphobic, so life was tough and yet, something inside my spirit told me that one day, life would be better, it wouldn't be scary.

Bonnie, this young man/little boy, will be hurting for sure, and he has had years of finding out how unimportant he is and has turned most of his sadness into anger no doubt, so I wish you so much strength, and I thank you and Rich for giving this Boy what you have. Blessings.

Carol, how are the numbers?

gotta go, happy first full day of Autumn. For those of you new to this walk in life, seasonal change can find you feeling sad, it is not unusual at all. When the seasons change it is a mark of time that is sharp and biting, time moves without our Kids. Remember though if you can, you are always that Child's Parent, always will be and death cannot take that away. HE/She loves you and will always be YOUR CHILD.

[lolynbo]

A NICE LIL POST FROM FB...FOR YAL

This week we remember all babies born sleeping, or those we've carried but never met, those we have held but could not take home, or those that we have brought home, but didn't stay. Make this your profile status if you, or someone you love, has suffered the loss of a child. The majority won't do it because unlike cancer, the loss of a baby is still a taboo subject. Break the silence...In memory of all angels ♥

[mysonrich]

Lorri, have a great time and take a day if you can for the scenic route. Make that 600 pictures!

Betty, thanks. Things are going well. Rested up after the move and accepted an entirely different job. This allows me to be outside more and not just wishing I was outside. Cute picture Betty with the belly dancer.

Susannah, I was thinking after your fall, “bubble wrap”. Its good to read that you weren’t hurt badly or limping around the next day. Your life story will can be a series, on to a made to TV mini-series, on to fortune and fame at the happy ending. Or whatever you choose to write but happy will be included I’m sure.

I was talking to someone the other day and told her I was having a bad day. The kind that flows into the night with a 3am wake up call. I miss Richie’s cheekbones. I know it sounds dumb but I was thinking of washing his little face and feeling his prominent cheekbones . I went past one of his schools today. A place I may stop into one day. MaybE.

Sarah is doing well though she doesn’t care for the new governor and his $4 or $400 million clerical error.(maybe more) The state lost out of federal aide due to a clerical error. She teaches elementary Ed and special ed. I have found that if I don’t mention her I feel guilty. She is here and loved .

I heard from Mary Ann. She is still living with her sister and deciding on what to do with her house. She feels very sad when reading of the new BI members and has a hard time posting. I told her that we would continue to pray for her and her dear Brian.

Leah,Carol,Dee, Rhonda,Marcia,Bonnie,Greg,Dan,Colleen, everyone.thinking of you all.

[lolynbo]

ALL I CAN SAY IS THANK YOU COLLEEN, YOUR VERY THOUGHTFUL AND SWEET...NONE OF OUR ANGELS WILL BE FORGOTTEN...

[daniellemom]

Betty - Welcome back! I'm thrilled you have a great trip. The pictures are great! McDonald tasting the same, is that really a good thing?

Sus - I will buy your book. I'm sorry you had a rough childhood but you have grown to be a wonderful mother and grandmother and wife. Happy belated birthday. My nephew's birthday was the 21st also. It was a great day to be born!

Lorri - I hope you have a great trip.

Betsy - Glad to hear you have a job that you can be outside more than you were before. It's funny funny what we miss about our kids at different times. Rich's checkbones, for me, it's Danielle's cute toes.

Dee - When are you going to come out with your book? We've all been asking for your book for a long time! Is Jon all better.

Carol - I hope Ralphie's numbers are coming back down! How did your visit with your sisters go?

Rhonda - I've been thinking about you this week with all the alone time you had on your hands. I'm praying for your husbands safe return with a couple of deers for this winter.

Dan - the picture you put up for Danielle's birthday was amazing! Thank you so much.

Bonnie - Good luck changing the girl room into a boy room today. I'm sure you and Rich will make a positive difference in this young boys life.

Kathy - Thinking and praying that a house just for your family is in the works. I'm also glad to hear that Tav in excitied about a possible change in schools. Mattie is enjoying 3rd grade, the teacher did tell me the other night at PTSA, that she is busy all the time, not disrupting but always wants to move on to the next thing. I'm working on that one.

Marcia - I hear you have been talking to James a couple of times on my facebook, too funny, maybe one day we will be on at the same time. But glad you are talking to him to. I loved the story of how Bethany let you know that she is still here and with you!

Leah - How are things going for you! Again, I'm so happy for you about the 70 lbs! Way to go girl!!

Everyone, Thanks again for all the birthday wishes for Danielle. I'm trying hard to get out of my black hole but with October 11, just around the corner I'm having a hard time.

A-16 to everyone on this site! You will never know how much I love each of you and think of you all each day.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[westleysmom]

Sonya-It sounds like Danielle's birthday is close to her angel day too, like Westley, is that right? But her birthday is first, and then a few weeks later her angel day. I'll be thinking of you too during this bittersweet time of year for you.

Betsy-It sounds like the new job suits you, I hope so. If we have to work, we might as well like what we do. Did the Gov's mistake affect Sarah's job, or was that just mentioned at the same time? I'm glad she's doing well. My daughter is doing okay, she's older than Westley and such a different personality than he was. I miss his hair. It was very thick and coarse, and he usually kept it really short. When he first had it cut (buzzed is more like it), it would almost cut your hand if you ran it across the top of his head, but you just couldn't stop yourself from doing it. When he was born, my husband said you could pick him up by the hair on his shoulders (not that we ever did, mind you!) God I miss him.

Susannah-So sorry that you have had such a rough time of it. I would buy your book, but they would probably make you put it in the fiction, it is hard to imagine how so many bad things can really happen in one life. Kind of like Dee's year that Eri died, except longer. I don't know if I could have been as strong as you if faced with so many heartaches. But that is what people tell me about Westley's death, they don't think they could make it if something happened to their child, and I guess you never know...'til you know. Glad your back is holding up.

Betty-MMMMcDonald's in foreign countries! Is the menu in English? Or do you have to just remember which Combo it is you like? How funny!

Bonnie-It sounds like you will have your hands full with the new boy. I hope that you are able to work your magic on him and help him. It sounds like he's had a really rough time. I'm sorry about the trouble with your family. They don't know what they're missing, you are a special person.

Kathy-Keep your chin up on looking for the house. The pic of Tavian with the fish was cute, by the way.

Dee-Time that is sharp and biting. Yes indeed, that's how it feels sometimes.

Colleen-Hope the audit is getting over with and you'll be back in civilization soon.

This week is winding down and I'm glad. They haven't had much luck, the weather is hot and dry in KS, just like it is here, and not good for hunting. Maybe it'll turn, or they'll get lucky. I'm a loner these days, but when I'm actually alone, I feel a lot more sad than I do when someone's around. I think he's been gone longer than it will be 'til he gets back, if that makes any sense, so we're on the downhill of being by myself. I'm glad I have you guys to talk to.

[daveydow1]

Susannah----Yes, I do believe I am done with canning for the summer........whew.... . I can so understand

that you would not want to enter into anymore legal wrangling after all you've been through. Wishing you, and

your family peace.

Betty------I bet the little squirrel is doing backflips when she sees you back with all the treats. We had 3 young

fawns come right into our yard today at about 1 P.M.---probably to eat chestnuts.( We have chestnuts by bucketsful

right now). When they spotted us, they were only about 40 ft. from us, but then they just ran back across the field

into the woods. There was a LOT of dust today because they were combining the soybean field, so we had to

close the windows......and it's 88 degrees here. Hot again tomorrow, the weather report says. Oh well....it will

soon be cold for a long time. Love the fall with all it's glory, don't you?

Lorri----Thanks for the writing. So nice, and sad but true. Have a nice trip.

Don't have very much to say today. Peace to all INDIGOES.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[summergirl]

Dear Indigo's - oh the soap opera continues but first.....

Bonnie - Yes I have tried hard to put it all together about how I had all that time to get the wallet etc....and none of it adds up at all. I DID tell her that I would give her the 200 dollars, not because I took her money but because I wanted to save our friendship at the time - but she said she would never take it no matter what - she has put it out of her mind and everything will be fine with us as long as "I get the help I need because I seriously need therapy" !!! Well, as far as I am concerned I know who really needs the therapy and it is not me !!!

I want to say thank you to all of you for your wonderful responses to my "not so wonderful life right now" - you have encouraged me, gave me strength and allow me to see things through your eyes....the eyes I trust. Yes the right house is out there waiting for us and we are going to be ok....we are together and there are alot of people out there who are in a much worse situation then we so I am thankful for what we have - each other...

Yes, Tavian loves school but he also does alot of socializing like his mommy always did - I think he gets bored as he is very smart and flies through his work, I think maybe he needs to be a bit more challanged but I will wait to see what the teacher thinks....

So - here is the latest - my never ending saga - Last night Barry asked if I wanted to go camping at Gin Beach as it is supposed to be a beautiful weekend....so I said what ever he wanted to do and of course he and Tavian out numbered me...so tonight after work we hook up and off we go, when we get there guess who is parked right next to us ??? Yes, you are right...my friend, the 200 dollar woman !!! I was actually shaking I was so - oh I don't even know what I was - I looked at Barry and asked him if he knew they were coming and he said no he had no idea....Anyway, we park and take care of setting up the camper and walk over to where our other friends are and she is standing there talking and then proceeds to talk to me like nothing ever happened !! No I am not kidding - I was polite but could not look her in the eye, I just wanted to scream at her "why are you here, this was supposed to be a good weekend with my "true" friends and here you are right next to me - what the hell" - She is up to something because she NEVER camps at Gin Beach after August as she always said it was too cold, she had to work, it wasn't worth going for just a short weekend etc.....SO WHY IS SHE THERE???? Well, I guess I will find out over the weekend - I will not let her upset my time with my husband and Tavian so if anything starts and gets out of control I will get in my car and go home......HOW MUCH MORE CAN I TAKE I SAY AND THEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO, YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN THROUGH THE MOST HORRIBLE THING, YOU HAVE LOST YOUR DAUGHTER SO "THIS AIN'T NOTHING" !!!!!

Tine to get Tavian to bed, he is very tired and is sniffeling so I pray he does not have a cold coming....back to school brings all the germs out...

I love you all and I will talk to you on Sunday - thanks again my friends,,,,you save me every day. Love, strength and peace, Kathy

[Guest msnher]

Oh Indigo's...thank you for your kind words regarding my past, they are appreciated. However, I really am good with it all. Perhaps the best way to tell our story is to tell it TO them. I think I'll just write it down and they can have it when they're older. You know...I have many, many happy memories, too. For every person who brought pain there was always an angel of mercy there to lift me up. Just like finding BI. All of you are my angels of mercy. Yes my childhood was pretty rough, but I didn't know it was rough. I mean there was nothing to compare it to. I thought I was pretty hot stuff. Disrespectful and obnoxious. I was athe kind of kid I wouldn't allow my children to play with. I would just as soon flip off the adults in my life as I would listen to them. Literally. When adults tried to discipline me I would tell the to kiss my ass and stomp off. That was all before I was 10! I did not do well with authority figures or being told what to do. I had some really good foster homes, but I saw them as a prison. I wasn't like Trevor with Colleen. The minute a family took on the title of my foster parents, they became my enemy. I was definitely hard on the people who loved me.

Kathy - Your unfriend is starting to sound like something from the Twilight Zone...do do do do.............I bet she found her $200.00 and doesn't have the guts to apologize to you.

Lorri - safe and fun "sailing" for you and Monty!

Dee - I'm waiting to buy YOUR book!

Love you all,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[heartbeataway]

Do any of you ever think of all the extra "crap" we deal with?

You would think that the the grief and loss of our children would be enough to grant us some kind of reprieve from all the other stuff life can throw your way but nnoooooooo ...........

We still have to endure folks who lie, accuse and sometimes walk away. Family that takes advantage, gangs up and moves on with their complete and happy lives.

Moves that we don't welcome ...... health issues ........ sleep issues .......... financial issues ......... it goes on and on ...... if "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger", we are one incredibly strong group of women! And we've earned every ounce of that strength!

The new foster we received a call about may not end us with us after all. He is spending the weekend with another family. One that he has history of respite with. This family is really pursuing (sounds like) and wanting him in their home. He is not so sure ...... he would have to change schools, etc ......

So, he may or may not stay with us next weekend. We shall see .......

They want him to feel that he has a choice and if this is to be long term, he really should have a choice. He hasn't had many choices in his young life.

So, we wait ....

Well, I'm in a clean and decorate for fall mood so I best take advantage of it .......

Love!

[lolynbo]

STILL FINISHING UP THE LAST LIL BITS....THEN WERE GONE....OF COURSE MONTY IS JUST NOW PUTTING IN HIS 2 CENTS OF WHERE TO STOP...HES HAD MONTHS TO HELP PLAN NOW HE DECIDES TO "GO THIS WAY"

WAS HARD TO LET KODY GO TO SCHOOL THIS MORNING GOT ME SUM SUGAR AND BEAR HUGS...

KATHY, ID OFFER HER INFRONT OF A CROW (AS SHE DID YOU) 200 $ PLUS ANOTHER 100$ TO SHOW U DIDNT NEED HER $$$ AND TO SHUT HER UP....BUT YES I AGREE WITH YAL SHES EITHER FOUND IT OR SHES READY TO POUCH ON YOU AGAIN....

WELL I GUESS IM OVER AND OUT FOR A FEW DAYS (10) OR SO...IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE FANCY LIKE YOU JUST DID WITH THE CAMELS ETC...JUST BEACHES AND LOTSA FOOD....

LOVE YAL BE NICE TO ONE ANOTHER WHILE IM GONE.....NO FIGHTING...

[ericasmom]

Bonnie, it actually sounds as though the department of childrens services works to better the lives of kids where you live. It is so broken and damaged in Chicago area. Good for them thinking that this child needs to feel the choice. Thanks though, for being there for he and Em and all the others that may cross your threshold.

Sus, maybe one day I will get a book to a publisher, I am moving along on my WHERE DAD LEFT OFF story for children. I feel this story inside of me, a sad story with a message of hope for all kids, not only those who lose a parent or sibling, but those who are friends with someone who has lost someone.

Yes, for each bad event in my young years there were wonders to good to allow the evil to win my soul over. My dad said very ugly things to me while abusing me, things that made me scared of everything, but somehow, I am here and smiling. Devils can't win this heart.

Lorri, have a wondrous time. Absolutely peace-filled and wondrous.

Kathy, smile and move on, even when you are hurting, we know the drill. I am unsure of my self-control however in a situation such as yours, but I am sure that she is trying to swim upstream, trying to make her mistake hidden through fake kindness. Good luck.

Hey Betsy, thanks so much for letting us know about Mary Anne. I am glad that she has a person to hang with knowing how lonely she felt. So being outside is a great way to spend the day. Are you working for the city or village?

[Guest msnher]

Some random thoughts...............

The law of attraction.....been there done that. Do I still believe it? Maybe. I think I'm in charge of my attitude, my own happiness, my character and integrity. I believe I attrack like minded people into my experience. If I'm happy, happy people or people who want to be happy gravitate towards me. People who are trapped or comfortable in their misery usually shy away from my presence.

The Pain Body, as taught by Eckhart Tolle........been there, done that. Do I still believe it? Yes. But, I believe it is known as different names to different people. Satan, evil, fear. I call it fear. Fear attracks fear. When fear meets fear wars break out. Fear fights fear. Fear always loses. Fear brings bondage to self, to systems, to doctrine.......fear grows itself. Just as joy grows joy.

The Power of Now, as taught by Wayne Dyer.....been there, done that. Do I still believe it? Yes. It is the only place I find peace and release from fear. Sometimes the now sucks ... as in the moment I stood over my daughter's body...but I was present in the moment, fulling feeling it, recognizing it. For some time I became trapped in that moment.....for months. It is easy to go back to that room, that moment, and forget today. "Give no thought of tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself".

I love and worship Jesus Christ. I talk to him constantly. I "pray" to his father, just as he taught his followers to do.

I am encouraged and comforted by the teachings of Buddha. I find wisdom in the Tao.

I prefer Charasmatic worship. Holy Roller. That would be me except I wouldn't be trying to save souls. I would be loving souls. "Feed my sheep."

"Friend".............that's what I would like my legacy to be. I would like to be known as friend. I have a long way to go to deserve that title as I'd like to have it, but it is my truth.

I didn't attrack Stephanie's death into my experience. I didn't attrack all the abuse and violence into my experience. I didn't attrack many of the tangible, concrete experiences I have been able to see, touch and feel. I did, however, attrack bitterness, hate and rage into my experience.....for many years feeling entitled to more than my share.........a free handout. I thought it was owed to me.

It's not the love we get, it's the love we give that heals us (Marianne Williamson - not a direct quote)

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. 'We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't fee insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our onw fear, our presence automatically liberates others." (A Return to Love - Marianne Williamson)

Love to you all!!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shorty16]

Indigos,

I am still alive and breathing. The audit is almost over. We have only one findings. We had six findings last year. Great improvement. I am exhausted and I took Monday off of work for a mental health day.

Trevor is still doing good, but we had a little hick-up. He got a zero on a test - not happy. We are working with the teachers to bring his grade up, but he does not know how to study or learn. It is really sad.

I think of my fellow Indigos every day - Take care - write more later.

Colleen

[ericasmom]

Glad you are okay Col, take a breath and get back at it so it can be done. HOORAY!

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

Colleen glad to hear wou are with us still

Dee I love the idea of your book I know the children would benefit from your wisdom and compassion

Susannah I like the quote from the Talmud that reminds me that:

"KIndness is the most powerful force in the Universe"and That "The Highest form of Wisdom is Kindness

I also Albert Schweitzers quote that the "Only one who will be happy, are those who sought and found how to serve" I think we all practice both so very well.

Betsy I understand the missing. Washing Rich's little face and his cheek bones I miss Stephen's smile and his beautiful eyes.

Sherry Thanks for sharing your wonderful little deer story. The wild creatures that visit you are so very special

Sonya Loved reading your post and hope Matte finds what really interest her.

Trudie How is Mutley I miss seeing his picture.

Carol praying for your family

Leah, Rhonda, Elaine, and all indigos have a peaceful evening

[ericasmom]

Betty, it sure is good to see you here again, and while I was so happy for your time away, I was missing you here.

Sonya, Jon is doing much better, he stopped taking the meds in Rhode Island and just continued with over the counter sinus meds and spray. His stomach calmed down considerably adn he was able to have fun at the wedding which made me happy to know. I am however worried about him as far as his nervous system, his anxiety is high all the time, and I fear his lack of getting off the mark due to it. Thanks for asking. I am glad to hear that Mattie is finding her way through third grade. What big kids we have here now.

Prayers if you don't mind, that Jon find it in himself to let go of the guilt that eats him up, to let go of some of his fear and worry, to be able to live in the day enough to enjoy it, to feel the goodness in the day.

Goodnight all, sleep well and may the bright moon shine in on you causing your dreams to be pearly and lovely.

[mysonrich]

Forrest Gump: You died on a Saturday morning. And I had you placed here under our tree. And I had that house of your father's bulldozed to the ground. Momma always said dyin' was a part of life. I sure wish it wasn't. Little Forrest, he's doing just fine. About to start school again soon. I make his breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. I make sure he combs his hair and brushes his teeth every day. Teaching him how to play ping-pong. He's really good. We fish a lot. And every night, we read a book. He's so smart, Jenny. You'd be so proud of him. I am. He, uh, wrote a letter, and he says I can't read it. I'm not supposed to, so I'll just leave it here for you. Jenny, I don't know if Momma was right or if, if it's Lieutenant Dan. I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time. I miss you, Jenny. If there's anything you need, I won't be far away.

me, last night, watching this scene with tears running down my face and I hear Richie's voice, " Mom, what's the matter? are you crying? are you crying Mom"....laughing at me that boy did. Possibly picking on me so that he wouldn't cry at a movie as a young man. So I start to laugh at that.." are you crying Mom"?

[heartbeataway]

Forrest Gump: You died on a Saturday morning. And I had you placed here under our tree. And I had that house of your father's bulldozed to the ground. Momma always said dyin' was a part of life. I sure wish it wasn't. Little Forrest, he's doing just fine. About to start school again soon. I make his breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. I make sure he combs his hair and brushes his teeth every day. Teaching him how to play ping-pong. He's really good. We fish a lot. And every night, we read a book. He's so smart, Jenny. You'd be so proud of him. I am. He, uh, wrote a letter, and he says I can't read it. I'm not supposed to, so I'll just leave it here for you. Jenny, I don't know if Momma was right or if, if it's Lieutenant Dan. I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time. I miss you, Jenny. If there's anything you need, I won't be far away.

me, last night, watching this scene with tears running down my face and I hear Richie's voice, " Mom, what's the matter? are you crying? are you crying Mom"....laughing at me that boy did. Possibly picking on me so that he wouldn't cry at a movie as a young man. So I start to laugh at that.." are you crying Mom"?

Betsy, sweet Betsy,

I loved this show and cried at this part too. Even brought tears to read it this morning. I like the mischievous, playful side of Richie to tease you to hide his own

emotion.

Dee,

I prayed for Jon ...... momma's worry so about their children.

Carol,

Is everything okay? I've had you on my mind.

Susannah,

Sweet quotes ...... thanks for sharing.

Colleen,

You'll be able to breathe easy soon. Hope you're doing something to relax this weekend.

To each of you ........ you're important in my life. I don't know what I would do some days if I didn't have you guys to lean on. I love that I have you guys to lean on..............

[ericasmom]

Ok, I never liked the movie Forrest Gump very much, which I know is shocking, but I just didn't. HOwever, speaking of kids laughing at Mom crying, Jonathan named me Forestra Gump one day when I could not figure something out and we laughed so hard. The name comes back into the conversation at times. Kids do love to mess with us. I was always the crier, so that too Betsy, gave my kids fodder for the jokes.

[Guest msnher]

Forest Gump spirituality is my new label. When someone asks what I believe I'm telling them I believe what Forest believes. People rarely have to ASK what I believe....I just offer.

I love the quotes you shared, Betty. Thanks!

Prayers for Jon. I think the most difficult thing about being a parent is watching our kids struggle through painful emotions.

Mariah has been having a hard time at school lately. She was very upset last night because a couple of the girls made fun of my glasses. I wear big glasses. I like them. I told her not to worry about that at all...I told her Uncle Curtis makes fun of my glasses, too. and pointed out they are kind of big.

This morning I thought maybe I should be a smaller pair. Maybe I do look rediculous. My self esteem took a nose dive as I looked in the mirror. If brilliant, beautiful, self assured ME reacts like that from a silly comment from children.............I wonder how children ever survive each other through childhood....

I'm making an unhealthy breakfast this morning. Pancakes, sausage and eggs.........lots of butter and syrup. I don't think there's any nutritional value in it at all, but it is yummy!

love to you all

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Betsy Thank you for the Forest Gump quote. I agree Susannah it will be my spirituality as welll. It is so wonderful to have the REMEMORIES of the little thing that were so important with our children Thanks Betsy for the reminder.

Stephen was always hard to wake up in the morning. Since I am a moning person and full of energy in the AM he would always call me "Mary Poppins" and we would laugh!!

Susannah I saw a picture of you with your glasses and you look beautiful. Please know you are a special, beautiful women. Do hope you all enjoyed breakfast

Dee prayers for Jon I understand This is so hard

Bonnie I too love this place and woul dbe lost without it.

Carol, Trudie, Leah, Sherry Sonya, Rhonda, Colleen and all Indigos in my thought this daya

[ericasmom]

So many funny recollections, and we are joined once again by the ways our Children teased us in our lives. My Son always balks at the photos of him as a little guy, giant glasses as that was what was in at the time for kids, mid-eighties, he wore glasses at age 4-8 or so to correct a lazy eye. My niece also wore glasses at the same time, together there were giant frames on their little faces. ERi used to complain about why did I dress her in such '80's' clothing...Um ERi---- it was the 1980's. We laughed about that plenty.

Sus, kids making Mariah feel badly about your glasses are whacked. I hope you do not change your glasses for that, though I do understand the immediate sense of discomfort in you. I too respond to things like that. Kids saying the other day, "Ms.Conmy, remember when your hair was long last year?" In other words, I don't like this hair cut.

I hope that you will let Mariah know that if we change our outsides to satisfy others all the time, what will our insides do? Our outsides are simply the cover for our spirit...it is the easiest target for folks to hurt others, the way we look. I do hope that the teachers speak to this issue on a daily basis, injecting lessons into the day that have to do with self esteem, with injuring others with words, with social justice ideas...that kind of ugly is the start of bullying. Hate it.

Eat that yummy breakfast, we all need pancakes once in a while.

Thanks for the prayers you guys.

[mikesmomrs]

Bonnie: I am here, alive and doing okay...just having a busy week and finally coming down off the rush of everything. I am so happy for you that Pinnacle Days went so wonderfully...the pictures were awesome...thank you for sharing.

My visit with my sister and SIL went very well, and we did have a good visit. She brought me a glass vase, that she had actually picked up in Florida, and it has dragonflies etched on the sides...sometimes it pleasantly surprises us when we are given verification that people do notice us and things about us...this was one of those times. I have never talked with her about the "dragonfly connection" with those we've seen when talking about Mike, and I found it heart-warming that she noticed my affinity for them. Every time I see her, I am grateful for yet another visit...she will be 83 this December, and though has advanced COPD, she is doing reasonably well, and takes good care of herself. She truly doesn't look to be more than her late 60's, but I did notice that she is a little less steady on her feet, so the effects of aging are beginning to move in, whether we can see them or not. I have always been closest to her of all my five sisters, even though she is 18 years older, and I do love it when we can visit...each one is a blessing I will always cherish.

Sus: I love your introspective writings, and really look forward to them. I am sorry that Mariah is having problems, and hope things smooth out for her...I did chuckle over your story of the "big glasses." I will think of you now when I see that ad where the little boy draws a picture of his grandma on the counter top with cake frosting...he and his mom are making a cake for grandma who is coming to visit. His mom takes two large orange slices and puts them where the eyes should be...then the doorbell rings, and grandma walks in, wearing a pair of huge glasses, with big orange rims! so cute!

As for our kids teasing us...Mike's "bon mote" on me was always telling me about something that happened in a way that depicted it to be much worse than it was...then when I would react, as I always did, he would tell it like it really was, and say "See, don't you feel better now, knowing that it wasn't so bad?" and then walk away, after flashing that sardonic grin of his.

Dee: I am so glad to know that among the many other talents you have as a truly dedicated teacher, you try to impress upon the kids the importance of not bullying others...being kind to others...Jamie gets some teasing at school and it really hurts him, especially during these times like recently when he's been having issues again with anxiety. I do believe that, unfortunately, this anxiety is turning into depression...luckily, his therapist seems to be on top of it, and he does relate to her, so that's a good beginning. Jamie's dad can be very abrasive, and unfortunately, Jamie really gets hurt by his comments sometimes. Yesterday, JIm (Jamie's dad) had picked up Jamie for his b'day and they went to the football field to pick up Jim's girlfriend's son (same age as Jamie) and another friend of Jamie's for cake and ice cream. When they got to the field, it was really hot, and Jamie reached into the cooler for a drink. There was Sunny D and water there and Jamie took a Sunny D. JIm immediately chastised him and yelled "Jameson, the Sunny D is for these kids who have been running around and are hot...you haven't been doing anything, just take the water!" When Cathi called Jamie later to see how his evening was going, Jamie told her of this incident and said "He really hurt my feelings mom...couldn't he just have said it quietly, or taken me aside and told me?" Unfortunately, Jim is handling Jamie's anxiety/depression issues with his usual "Man up, Jamie" talk and that doesn't help any. Jim has told Cathi "What has he got to be anxious or sad about? He's never had anything bad happen to him in his life, and he has everything he needs." So, that pretty much sums up how he is handling it. Fortunately, Jamie's therapist has said she wants to have a meeting with all three of them. Still praying things will turn around for him. I know that you understand all of this because of the issues with Jon's anxiety that you deal with. I keep Jon in my prayers, as well. Your prayer for Jon "to let go of some of his fear and worry, to be able to live in the day enough to enjoy it, to feel the goodness in the day" mirrors my own for Jamie...I fear that if he doesn't get a hold on how to handle it now, it will be with him into his adult life.

Betsy: I am a Forrest Gump fan, also...my tears come when Forrest walks into Jennie's apartment and sees little Forrest for the first time and finds out he is his dad and asks Jennie "Is he, is he, is he...smart?: I don't even remember if he actually gets the word "smart" out and Jennie reassures him that he is, indeed. The look on Forrest's face at that moment is priceless.

Betty: I am glad that you were able to find your little squirrel friend when you returned, and glad that you had a wonderful time.

Colleen: Holding you close through difficult times...Trevor's inability to study reminds me so much of Davis...Trevor is lucky to have you there to assist him. Prayers for his success. I am so glad your audit went well, and you deserve a huge rest now...glad you took a "mental health day" for Monday...Enjoy!

Kathy: We all know that Jessica is leading you to the "perfect house" that is being "prepared just for you." When the time is right, it will come...sending strength to you for dealing with this, as well as the horrid "friend that is not a friend" issue...it does make it tougher that she is part of the crowd you know and spend time with. When my friend of over 20 years turned on me, I didn't have to see her any longer...it was a very painful time...and the hurt has never left...the understanding of it all has never come... When Mike was ill, she used to call now and then, and I managed to be civil. When he became bedridden, she and her family came to visit---she stood in our kitchen and "cheerily" said "It's like I was here yesterday." (it had been 8 years!) I said, quietly, "not for me," and walked into the other room....I was pleasant and civil, but only for the sake of Mike.

Ralph's numbers are holding, as far as we know. He isn't showing any signs of trouble (i.e., actual kidney failure), and they will do another lab this coming week to check again. We are praying the ones that should be up go up, and those that should be down, do down. Thank you all for your continued support and prayers...I am so grateful to have all of you here to talk with and know that you all understand the stress of this "additional crap" as someone said, I think it was Bonnie.

Wishing all of you a wonderful weekend...it has been hot here all week, and I am thankful for the extended warm weather...though I know it is likely not helpful for the plant life.

I am supposed to meet Cathi to go and get Jamie's birthday present...Davis wanted to get him a new video game and didn't have time to go to the store, so we are going for him, then will have a late lunch, then picking up Jame for the family get-together for cake and ice cream for his b'day.

sending love and peace to all...Carol mikesmomrs

ps: here is a picture of the birthday boy...all of 12!

[ericasmom]

Carol, so good to see you, but sad to see that Jamie is dealing with an insensitive Dad. Really, Jamie hasn't had anything bad in his life? HIs uncle died from cancer FOOL, and his parents are divorced adn those two things are enough to shake any human. IDIOT! Yes, give that Jamie a hug from us here, just an extra hug filled with wishes for a strong and healthy happy life. Thanks for your prayers too for Jon.

I love hearing all the ways our Kids made fun of us. Love it.

Love you all, going to Maxx Jaxon's first birthday, he is my great nephew.

Love to you All and to your families.

[daveydow1]

Betsy-------I, too, want to thank you for the update on MaryAnn. I thought of her often, and

wondered about her. I'm glad that she's doing ok.

Betty-----I like the way you call them Re-memories. The things we think about & recall about

our beloved kids who left this world are priceless treasures that we can draw from at any

time we want. No one can take those re-memories from us.

Dee------So good that you are addressing the 'hurtful remarks.....leading to bullying' issue in

your classroom. When I was in school (long ago ) , the teachers never spoke up about that

issue, even when it was going on all around them. The victim of the bullying was just looked at

as a 'tattle tail' if it was reported, and was encouraged to get over it......"don't be a baby" by other

kids. I still remember when in 4th grade, the kids made so much fun of a little girl (who was a foster

child) about her skin......(she must have had psoriasis ), and wouldn't sit with her etc. I sat with "Florence'

at lunch a lot, and then the kids picked on me too. I was more of a 'leader' at that time in my school years,

and told them I didn't care what they said about Florence or me. Sooo long ago, yet I still remember it.

Susannah------I, too, have read Ekert Tolle's books. I guess I don't really know, but as Dee says.....the outside

of us is a cover for the spirit.

Betty-------Those deer.....especially the fawns, come every night to feast on the chestnuts

in our backyard that are falling by the bucketful. I believe I've read that the does cut the fawns off from

nursing, in preparation for the upcoming breeding season which is in Nov. So......these little fellows must

be pushed out to look for food on their own. The combining of the soybean fields is done now, so we can see

the deer cutting across there heading for the woods at dusk. The little squirrel is probably busy getting all

the nuts & acorns she can find all stowed away in her nest. Walks in Central Park must be magical in this

mild early fall weather.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL MY INDIGO FRIENDS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[mikesmum]

Just flying through after getting the last of my things into the 'Beach House'. Mal stood by his promise and helped me move. He then spent the weekend telling me the 'downside' to living in such an isolated, area surrounded by so much tea tree and scrub - Fires, no emergency services, yaddada yaddada. I kinda lost track of what he was saying as Muttley and I made our way to 'the beach'. The walk is 5mins from the house tops. Such a friendly place, everyone says hi and nods. The weather has been perfect. But as we all know, things go along okay for a time then there is the hump in the road.

Thursday a friend of the family passed away. She was 80. We grew up with her kids and they are shattered. I guess they never thought their mum would ever die. Friday as I was organising the move I got a call from my 'new cardiologist'. Long story short, after reviewing my ECG's from other hospital admissions, he as now diagnosed a condition that doesn't respond to meds, it needs surgery. We were in the car when the doctor rang. We had Em and Caleb. It was Harmony's birthday so I was already a little fragile. As he talked the tears fell. Sometimes I just can't suck it up! A full cardiac workup this week, funeral and grandies for the later part of the week.

Dee - Oh love that ERi used to complain about why did I dress her in such '80's' clothing...Um ERi---- it was the 1980's. Have you had a hair cut!! How will I recognise you when I get to the US in 2011. Hope Jon stays well. Love your great nephews name!

Betsy - I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time. I miss you, Jenny. If there's anything you need, I won't be far away. My achilles was watching Sally Fields in 'Steele Magnolias'. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm FINE could jog all the way to Texas and back.. but my daughter can't!! She never could!! Oh.. God.....I'm so mad I don't know what to do!! I wanna know why! I wanna know WHY Shelby's life is over!! I wanna HOW that baby will EVER know how wonderful his mother was...NO...NO!! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first!! I've always been ready to go first! I don't think I can take this.. I.. I don't think I can take this! I just wanna hit somethin'! I just wanna hit somebody.. till they feel as bad as I do!! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it HARD!

Carol - Glad to see you are still here. I was worried. Glad too that Ralph's numbers are holding. My Mike was (is) the sensitive one of my group. Aware of others, hurt easily and deeply by some whose name we won't mention AMANDA! I don't know why some people feel the need or don't have the smarts to be mindful of how they express themselves. Good luck with the present for the 12 year old who has a remarkable resemblance to his Uncle! I got extra energy this weekend - wore my RED SOX's t-shirt! Confused many as it was the Grand Final of our football season. Everyone elsewas in Footy colours. Oh yeah and they get to play again next week - it was a drawn game.

Sus - Just got my new multifocals with magnetic clip on sunnies.. Anyone wants to make a smart ass comment, well now I can see you so watch out! Even with the new specs I found Eckhart Tolle just a little hard to get my head around. But that's nothing new.

Sherry - Chestnuts. We had large trees on a property when the kids were younger. They used to pick them (prickly little suckers) and sell them. This was way before supermarkets had them. It was quite a money spinner. I would love to see those fawns walking through. Nature - love its simple beauty.

Kathy - With friends like that who needs enemies. And no I don't think losing our kids counts for much in the other world. There seems to be an attitude of 'time heals all' etc etc. Enjoy Tavian and the new svelte Barry. Culling is something I learnt in self preservation studies these past years.

Bonnie - Saw the pics of Pinnicle days and I am in awe of the entire celebration. Jason touched many and its obvious he isn't forgotten. One Scrubbed in Sunshine boy who still brings smiles and tears...

Well have to go study for my Cardiac test (little humour).

All of you are with me as I walk that long long stretch of beach. I think of our kids, their faces come to me as I feel the sun and the wind...