Loss of an Adult Child

[mikesmomrs]

Deneace:  Yes, as Trudi says, a wonderful gene pool you have for yourself...BJ ois so very handsome, and you can see the joy and “what can I do next” look in the eyes of his two younger brothers…adorable… the memorial site for BJ is really beautiful…thank you for sharing.

On another note, regarding your struggles with healing… My therapist has taught me many things, has helped me through many turbulent times over the ten years I’ve known him, the worst of course being Mike’s illness and death, and one of the most important things he has been able to impart into my brain and my heart (after many, many, many sessions) is that it is better to just accept those tears when they come…make them a part of you…go with them, for indeed they ARE a part of you…  I have told him in the past of how hard I have to work to hold them back when I do something as simple as walk by a greeting card rack and my eye catches the “Happy Birthday to a Wonderful Son” cards, or some such heart-splitting reminder that I have no son here any longer…the tears come and I stifle them…he advised me that it is better to let them come; if someone looks at you and you feel the need to respond, reply with something that comes straight from your heart…as Dee said: ”If we go out among folks and breakdown, it is simply a lesson for them to see that the loss we suffered is always going to be a loss. It does not go away.”  In the instance of the birthday cards, I had said “I am missing my son who passed away, and sometimes this just gets to me; got to let it out, it becomes a heavy load if I don’t.”   Over and over, I would meet with my therapist and we would talk about this very thing; it took a very long time before I finally was able to follow his advice and NOT stifle the tears or the intake of my breath, or whatever might be the outside evidence of my inside pain….I have never met anyone who “turned away” embarrassed or surprised, or bewildered.  Usually, they look at me and say “oh, I am so sorry” or some such thing.  It doesn’t really matter what they say---or if they say anything…I’ve had a moment, and I’ve had to release it to the universe…it’s part of healing…You said “Sometimes i fail, as i cannot "not" be sad some days.”  it’s not failure, Deneace; it’s healing; that sadness is a part of us and always will be…it’s just more overt some days than others…and that’s okay. 

Dee:  The phrase I used is a quote from Edna St. Vincent Malay (sp?):  “The presence of his [her] absence is everywhere.”   I read it somewhere shortly after Mike passed, and it just knitted its way into my soul…I kept the phrase printed out on my desk at work, under the corner of my desk cover. 

Claudia:  I am so sorry about your experience that brought you so down…I pray you find strength to deal with this and find your way moving back “up” again…sending strength and love to you. 

Terrie:  I agree, John and Kelly likely are oblivious to what is in the press and they are wise to ignore the statements made by others who have no idea of what they are going through, unless those making the statements have gone through it also. 

Trudi:  Thank you so very, very much for the “walk at the ocean,” and the blue star fish was even more of a treat….never have seen a blue one…saw some on the beach when we lived on Guam, but never a blue one…awesome!  I am so glad you enjoyed your day…how far is it from where you live?  (yes, Kathy, I also noticed that tonight for some weird reason, the pics are gone)

Lorri:  Thinking of you as you journey through therapy…as others have said, it can be a very helpful tool towards healing, especially if you have found the “right fit” for the therapist/patient.  Will be including Mr. George Killingsworth and his family in our prayers, for peace and healing amongst them.   I am so glad that Carly is including you in her plans…she must be a very mature and sensitive young woman, and you will be a true help to her; I am glad she recognizes that.

Kathy:  I know how difficult it can be to follow through with the discipline---you look at those eyes and your heart is telling you to give in, but fortunately, our brain holds us back and tells us that this discipline is needed…his future is at stake.  He has a good mi-mi; he knows that you love him, and you will see the reward when he grows into a nice, responsible young man who respects you.  I hope you both have a nice Tavian and Mi-mi day tomorrow. 

Amanda:  Yay for you and Ashton…I know that it was likely disappointing and that the 30^th seems so far away, but it will pass so fast, you will wonder where the days went…

 Sue:  yes, your sweet Michelle was letting you know that she was right there with you all during her birthday celebration…   I am so sorry that Michelle’s name wasn’t mentioned at mass.  Perhaps you could do it at the next mass…it wouldn’t be the date you wanted it, but her name would be mentioned and the intention would be spoken.   We had the same problem at Mike’s first mass intention and at the second.  The boys had come to mass with us for the first one and were really disappointed when they didn’t hear their dad’s name mentioned.    Upsetting.  This year, we made sure it would be read…the mass intention was printed in the bulletin.  Also, Father Andy is the one who helped us through Mike’s last days, and he remembered that it was his anniversary, spoke with us before mass, and then spoke Mike’s name at the remembrance of the departed portion of the mass.  I just wish that everyone knew how very important it is for us to hear their name…MICHELLE, MICHELLE, MICHELLE, MIKE, MIKE, MIKE…

To all:  Betty, Betsy, Mary ann, Beth, Marcia, Bonnie, Lynn, Sonya, Colleen, Dan, Greg, Dale, Lyn, Leah, Enid, Sherry, Shelly…I hope I didn’t forget anyone---thinking of you all and hoping you all are doing okay this week…

Love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Trudi, love that blue starfish too, boy what a pretty place, why were the photos pulled the next time I went to look at them? Anyhow, thanks for sharing.

Carol, love that phrase, so thanks for the note of who it is from. I am glad too, that when your tears come you let them. I cannot go find a private place each time tears come, they come when they do, and they are as much a part of me as my skin. So the salt runs down my cheeks, that is okay. Better out than in.

As Claudia said Deneace, a pretty setting, the stone adn the mums and pumpkins...

a beautiful website.

[mikesmum]

Someone forgot to read the pop up when she put them into an album on photobucket.......idiot..

So for those who missed them....

The beach at Portsea

Beyond......

Rock pool and out crop named London Bridge

Blue Starfish

Rock pool out to ocean

Told you Mike was the IT guy.......!

[briansdad]

I found this poem I'm not sure I've seen it here.

[align=center]I walk alone among the trees

I hear your soft voice within the breeze

I feel your warm touch from the sun

Your life was brief, had just begun

Through rain swept clouds, I see your face

In honeycombs I treasure your taste

In babbling brooks your laughter rings

In angelic choirs your sonnet sings

In fragrant scent your blossom blooms

Like garlands scatter the earth like plumes

And as daylight's burden slightly wanes

Your single kiss falls from the rains

Your bright eyes shimmer from the stars

And slowly lift my hidden scars

As my heavy heart turns to peace

For the life you gave, you will never cease

For you will always be with me today

In knowing you are only one heartbeat away. [/align]

[align=center] [/align]

 

[shorty16]

Veteran's Day Today.

Thinking of the Military Families who have lost loved ones.

Consider yourself hugged

Colleen

[lostwoher]

Beautiful poem. So true so true.

Lovely place for a nice walk. Dont think I even knew there was such a thing as a blue starfish.

Does anybody know why that when I turn on my computer that I have to clear my history, cache, cookies... because every time it says i sent a bad header or the header is too long? Its set up to automatically clear that but this keeps happening. Curious if I have a major problem that can be fixed. Remind you- Im a total dummy about computers .

Have a great day everybody!

Lynn aka Travis & Kayla's mom no matter what

[shellbellsmom]

Good Day to Everyone;

Lynn- I can’t help you with your computer problem but if one of my computer nerds men come home I will ask them….as for us putting on masks while in the presence of others, yes we have gotten quite good at that.  I am a pro and maybe that is why others think I am doing so well all the time.  Maybe if I learn to let the tears flow like Dee and Carol talk about maybe they would see that we don’t just get over our grief after a short while….it lingers with us.  We may be able to function better….but that doesn’t remove our grief.  And as Queen Eliz. II once said….”Grief is the price we pay for love.

Deneace what beautiful boys you have.  The picture of your  Zach and Dane doing the “bunny ears” to each other reminds me so much of my family with pictures.  I love it….but used to get a little cranky when I was trying hard to take a good one and the kids were goofy around.  We also share a sad day together….your son BJ Angeldate, and my daughter’s birthday day.  Maybe they have met up.

Amanda hang in there…..the 30th will come sooner than you think and then you will have a new little bundle to help you get through the holidays with. 

Trudi thanks so much for the peaceful walk alone the ocean…I sure needed that.  We live near Lake Michigan and I love walking along the shore and so did my daughter….but its cold and almost winter now so it took me back to that peaceful place I love so much. 

Carol at the mass Sunday our priest told us to sign up for his emails…and to send him ones with thoughts questions or concerns, so I am thinking about writing him about my daughter’s name not being mentioned.  Sounds like after you mentioned it they realized the importance of it. 

Terri I didn’t catch the news on John and Kelly seeming like there are “getting over it” but if I did it would have hit me too….so many  insensitive people in our world.  They probably thought the same if they caught the report….how could people even think such a silly thing. 

Greg thanks for sharing the beautiful poem….this will likely make it into my daughter’s memorial website. 

Lorrie, I recently have returned back to counseling and am hoping my therapy helps me this time.  I went for many months but probably wasn’t ready to work on it as much as I should have.  This time I know how important it is to get help for my healing.  I decided to go to someone new….and I am giving her the benefit of the doubt for a while…if she is a good match which I pray she is, then I will continue.  If after 6 weeks we haven’t connected I will seek yet another therapist…I don’t want to give up or get discouraged.  She will be doing some EMDR treatments for my PTSD thoughts/nightmares which are holding me back and haunting me.  I hope you have much success with your therapist. 

Kathy I hope the weather is wonderful where you live and that you are  able to enjoy a pleasurable  day with your  Tavian. 

Wishing everyone  here a peaceful and blessed Day.  To all our Veterans and Active Duty people thanks for all you have done for our country.  Happy Veterans Day , Sue

[zachysmom]

Best I can offer right now on computers is to run a good virus scanner and windows defender scan. Make sure it is up to date on the definitions. Then run the disk cleaner. and defrag the system. Start there then that will give the techies an idea when they get here.

[daveydow1]

Lorrie---It looks like Carley is extending the hand of friendship to you

by asking  wedding advice. I understand the bittersweet feelings you may have,

seeing Brent remarry. Prayers for you, and also for dear George. May

his passing from this world to his eternal rest be a peaceful one.

Deneace---BJ's stone and all the decorations are beautiful. So nice that the

boys want to take part in the decorating too. Peace & friendship to you.

           Sherry

[daveydow1]

Trudi----Great beach pics. Thanks

Greg-----Oh, thank you so much for the poem. I will show it to my

husband right away.........he always counts on nature to feel closer

to Davey, as you do to feel close to your dear Brian. Peace, and thanks again.

    Daveysmom, Sherry

 

[lolynbo]

WE MET THE NICEST NURSE AT OU MED CENTER WHEN KOURTNEY WAS ILL, WE HAD THIS NURSE FROM DAY ONE TO THE DAY KOURTNEY ENTERED HEAVEN..HER NAME IS REGAN PUCKETT...

SHE WROTE AN AMAZING ARTICAL ABOUT HOW KOURTNEY CHANGED HER NURSING OUTLOOK (SHE HAS BEEN AN ICU NURSE FOR 10 YRS) AND NOW HER ARTICAL IS BEING PUBLISHED IN THE MARCH "DIMENSIONS OF CRITICAL CARE"..ITS ABOUT MY BABY GIRL..HOW SHE HELPED REGAN BECOME A BETTER NURSE AND TO CARE ABOUT THE FAMILIES AS MUCH AS THE PATIENT....

IM HONORED TO HAVE THIS STORY WRITTEN....I HOPE SOME HOW YAL CAN GET A COPY...OR GOOGLE IT...

JUST WANTED TO SHARE..

[mikesmum]

Lorri - Found the journal, can't locate the article.   Searched both author and Journal. The other thing is for most you need to register to read the articles.  Would you be able to get a link from the author...would love to read this article.  Anything that impacts on your life as a nurse, EMD or such interests me no end..

Still hot here........walking the Muttley dog before we cook~

[lolynbo]

IM SORRY IT DONT COME OUT TIL MARCH 2010...JUST BRAGGN NOW...LOL

[shellbellsmom]

Lorri brag all you want too....Your daughter and your family touched someones life and that gift made one of her nurses more compassionate...that will affect so many more patients she will care for....I would be proud too.   

[lolynbo]

ITS NEVER THAT SIMPLE IS IT..."TO GO LOOK FOR SOMETHING IN THE HOUSE" CUZ YOU ALWAYS COME ACROSS SOMETHING YOU RFORGOT ABOUT OR WASNT EXPECTING...

IM LOOKING FOR MY COMPUTER ADAPTOR, HAVE NOT SEEN IT SINCE WE GOT HOME (HOSPITAL) SO I GO LOOK IN MY BAG I CARRIED WITH ME EVERYWHERE WITH MY LAPTOP...NOT IN THERE, THEN I LOOK IN THE BASKET ON KOURTNEYS DRESSER THAT I THOUGHT, IT IS IN HERE CUZ I REMEMBER PUTTING IT IN HERE....NOT IN THERE, BUT THERE IS HER FUNERAL PROGRAM STARING UP AT ME..I WASNT EXPECTING IT SO NOW I GET TO HAVE A LIL "WHY MY GIRL, WHY IS LIFE SO DAMN UNFAIR MELTDOWN"...

THERE GOES A WHAT I THOUGHT WAS AN OK DAY...

[mikesmum]

Yep the triggers are hidden and leap out when you least expect it.  Love the picture, she has such a smile......Thanks for the heads up on the article...

[heartbeataway]

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=37461477

This will touch your heart.  I heard it won in Cannes.  I can understand why.

[nicksdad]

[user=23331]lostwoher[/user] wrote:

Does anybody know why that when I turn on my computer that I have to clear my history, cache, cookies... because every time it says i sent a bad header or the header is too long? Its set up to automatically clear that but this keeps happening. Curious if I have a major problem that can be fixed. Remind you- Im a total dummy about computers .

If you are using Internet Explorer try using Mozilla instead. If you don't have it go to mozilla.org and download Mozilla Firefox.

Also, might want to download and install malwarebytes you can get it from malwarebytes.org (free one) and run that on your system.

Just install say "start" and let it go. If it finds anything at all just say "remove".

If all confused let me know and i'll connect to your computer and fix it.

[ericasmom]

Bonn, I am crying from the beauty of this film. Thanks so much. lovely.

Trud, I see the photos again, thanks. I have been so busy today that I am catching up on posts now.

Lorr, I am so excited for you with the article coming up in the new year. Something to look forward to. So today you were given this gift of something to look forward to, and then you found something that stopped you in your tracks and made you weep, something to look back on, and here you are still in this same day. The future and the past all spinning around the same subject, Kourtney. She lives on Lorri, not in the same way you wish, but somehow I have to believe, in a better way, just not better for us. Letting those tears flow may feel like it takes the wind out of the day, but maybe it will make more room for good things later on.

Colleen, hope you have had a sunny pretty day as we did here in Chicagoland. HOw was your day, you were experiencing a MISSING-BRIAN day the other day, not that you don't each day, but feeling more down again the other day. HOw is today?

Greg, very pretty poem, thanks for that. How have you been? Missed you for a time and glad to see that you are here, posting a poem with a message that is patting my heart.

Sue, hope that the day is good for you, softer somehow than the past few.

May all of our Veterans know of our admiration and love, no matter our sense of the wars, we love and remain supportive of our warriors.

Peace in our Time-please

dee

[arc4ever]

Lorri, how wonderful!  How touching, amazing how we find out how our children touched other people's lives and the fact that the nurse is sharing this and it is being published.  You never know how this will effect others.  Kourtney still touching and helping others!

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

[briansdad]

[user=7435]ericasmom[/user] wrote:

Greg, very pretty poem, thanks for that. How have you been? Missed you for a time and glad to see that you are here, posting a poem with a message that is patting my heart.

Sometimes I go into a shell. I guess it's a defense mechanism.

 

Greg

[summergirl]

Lorrie - Happy Happy for the nurse tha has found an inner sight that came out but so very sad of the reason why. I am so looking forward to the article so keep up up to date.   Yes.....looking for one thing and finding another that stops our breath for the moment....tears and longing for the precious child we no longer have here with us on this earth.....hold tight my friend.   Love the pic!!!!

Greg - Poem is beautiful......I totally get the hibernation mode.....been there.

Trudi - I have never seen or heard of a blue starfish.....can't wait to tell Tavian, he collects starfish and shells along with beach glass.....do you have any or do you just look at them??    Love to hear you say it is "HOT" because it is getting colder here and I do not like the cold.

Carol - yes it is hard to discipline Tavian but I refuse to give up......he will be a fine young man.   Thank you, I try to be a good mi-mi and I know Jessica is proud of her little one.  I do find that after he is been punished he becomes much more calm and his attitude much better......guess I need to realize that he NEEDS the discipline, all kids do.

Today was nice, a bit chilly but Tavian ended up having a playdate with the neighbor so I spent the afternoon trying to keep up with the falling leaves once again....I believe this is the 7th time I have blown them all to the front for leave pick-up and a few hours later they are falling again - oh well - keeps me busy and active.

Tonight at bed time Tavian wanted to talk about his mommy - told me some things he remembered about things they did together and then he looked at me and said "oh well" and went to sleep.......he talked about how he used to help her do the dishes, how he would take a long bath and she would wash his hair, how one time the smoke alarm went off and they had to go out side, the picnic's they had in the living room......made my heart happy that he talked about her and that he remembers.......then the tears when he went to sleep.   

I miss you my girl, that laughter, that smile....those beautiful eyes that shined, the hugs and I love you's........JESSICA, JESSICA, JESSIA

[mikesmomrs]

Lorri:  Sweet honors for you precious Kourtney, then arrows to your heart from a trigger that you were not expecting...I do pray you have a better, more balanced day tomorrow...let the tears flow for today...they are healing, they are proof of a wonderful love that we experienced, and still experience.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Greg, I totally understand the hibernation, the going inside oneself. Sometimes it is the only way to get through a time. Just glad that you are around and hoping that the sun shines on you tomorrow.

Kathy, when Tav finds ways to test you and the others in his life, he finds out from those that love him best, that there are limits and the folks that are in charge will help him find the boundaries. While children fuss and fight those boundaries, inside they are usually relieved that someone in their world is in charge, someone has control, the world has order. Amen.

Love,

dee

[shorty16]

My BI Friends,

I have been so tired this week.  Lazy -  and I have so much to do.  Stain & varnish a door;  clean 2 mirrors and get ready for Aaron's 16th birthday party this Saturday.

Aaron will be 16 on 11-17-09.  He is now the same age as Brian was when he died. 

Dee - The weather in WI has been wonderful.  Last weekend was awesome.

I have been taking my dog to the dog park each night about 4:30pm.  Many dogs there - Big ones too.  I love big dogs.

Bonnie - How is the weather by you?  Hurricane coming to VA Beach.  I can remember, we had rain from hurricane Katrina.  Thinking of you.

Marcia - How's the ankle???  Larry is an awesome help to you, I bet!

Carol, Thinking of you also.  Cold by you?  It is 32-40 at night here.  Leaves are going, going.

Trudi - Love the beach photos.  Hope the wind blows Mikes name past your cheek and it makes you smile.

Greg - Love the poem.  It is easy to crawl into ourselves and that is OK as long as we do not stay there.  Here on BI you have demonstrated you are as crazy as the rest of us?!?!?!?!?

Dan - Thinking of you today and Nick and Brian hang out in Heaven.  Lots of good stories between the two of them?!?!

I guess I am thinking of all of you.  I have been tired and just BLAH.  Trying to get myself motivated seems to be hard lately

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[veronicasmom]

I'm back in the "dark valley".  Thought it was getting softer, but really it is not.  I just can handle life better on some days.  Yesterday, I had a meltdown--did not have one in a while, so it hit me very hard.  Sobbed for a long time, having a hard time catching my breath.  I really did not see it coming.  Then I read the following tribute in yesterday's memorial section of our local paper:

"...Fell asleep in death 5 years ago today. 

Losing a child is an actual, physical pain, like you exhale but don't inhale again--your breath is gone."

How true.  To that I would add at the end "gone forever".  Thank you all for being here.  D.

[carriebear]

Dear BI,

My heart to all here, I wish I could post more often here but I read every day & keep you all in my prayers.

In light of the recent discussion over Fox's poorly done report on the Travoltas, I found this CNN interview & article with Steven Curtis Chapman much more compassionate & real.  He is a talented Christian singer, who lost his youngest daughter in an accident a year & a half ago.  The author respectfully mentions the adjustment to a "new normal" and the article is really well-written, I thought.

I'd like to listen to his album although I haven't had a chance to yet, but I wanted to share the article here with you all.

love,

Carrie

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/11/12/steven.curtis.chapman/index.html

[lostwoher]

Veronicas mom, I know exactly what you mean. Ive been there for awhile and am finding hard to get out. Today is one of my worse days. Will put on my mask and go to work as usual. Best wishes and hopefully you will find yourself out very soon.

Update on my laptop problems. Ive been using firefox for a couple of years but uninstalled it , reinstalled, ran the malware as suggested, found 0 items of fault. Thankfully! Still having the same problem. grrrr

Been a hectic tearful day as I went to the cemetary to find the headstone in place. Took me awhile to actually walk up to it but I did. Just seems so much more final. Will post pics tomorrow ( if able ). Im running very late and need to get to work soon.

Have a blessed day.

Love to ALL,

Lynn

[daveydow1]

Veronicasmom-----Those days of being in a deep dark valley can be

upon us without warning. Anything might bring them on. I do hope

that you are feeling somewhat better. Peace & prayers for you, friend.

Kathy----You are so right----children need discipline, and they benefit from

it. As Dee says, discipline gives them a sense of security----that things are

in control, not out-of-control. Of course they may not like it at the time .

but they know that someone loves them enought to correct them. My kids..

(all grown) laugh & joke to me about it now,....looking back. Back then, they would

 call me "mean". But they all turned out ok.  Tavian knows that his mi-mi  loves him,

 and discipline is just part of the process of growing up.  He will grow up to be a fine

 young man.  Peace & comfort.

              Daveysmom,   Sherry  

[ericasmom]

Lynn and Veronic's Mom, I know the return can be really overwhelming and sometimes unexpected, but let yourself go there, let it sweep over you because generally, I have found, that there are some new lessons in that depth you find yourselves. It will be okay, I mean better, but right now you need to give yourselves license to grieve. The headstone threw me too Lynn, in fact the stone makers forgot to call me and so one day I went to the cemetery not knowing that it was placed...OH MY GOODNESS, I feel apart, there was my Daughter's name on a stone, making more real the horror in our lives.

I think that when we return to our grief in big ways like the two of you are feeling right now, we just have to trust that we will climb out of that hole again, and the sun will warm our faces one day in the future. THose of us ahad of you on this long walk have done this and have returned again, and I know that I will hit those cavernous places again, each time a place to find something, a piece, a shard, to fit back into my heart.

Love and hugs-

Dee

Carrie, pleased to see you again, hugs to you too.

[lolynbo]

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING TO MY PHONE SENDING ONE OF MY MANY TEXT I GET IN A DAY AND I THOUGHT WHO IS THIS SO EARLY...IT WAS MY NEICE TARA SHE WAS TELLING ME OF THIS SONG SHE HEARD CALLED "I WILL HAVE TO WAIT"..ABOUT A MAN WHO WROTE A SONG ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER WHO WAS KILLED...AND I GET ON HERE FIRST THING FROM WORKING AT KOURTNEYS KLOSET AND HERE IT IS AGAIN..STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMANS....SO I THINK IM SUPPOSE TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG..TWICE IN ONE DAY AND IVE NEVER HEARD OF HIM...I THINK THATS A SIGN...

[shellbellsmom]

Lorri it definitely difficult when we come across something of our child’s or memory of them.  It can quickly turn a half way decent day into an emotional one in an instance.  This happens to me when we get mail for my daughter.  It’s so unexpected and then WHAM…right in your face again with the sadness.  Wish there were was to avoid them… and yes I think you are getting a sign- check out his music he's very good and "gets us".

Bonnie watched the video via Facebook and had to share it with others.  The love of that little girl for her sick brother touched my heart…when our children get sick, the whole family carries there pain. 

Kathy how precious Tavian’s memories of his mother and him living their normal life together before…write them down in a journal for him so when he is older he will remember those special times they shared together. 

Colleen it’s very difficult when our children turn the same age as our children who have passed away.  My son is 22, and that is the same age his sister was when she died.  Later this month he will actually become older than she ever lived.  He will always be her much taller younger brother to me.  Has your son said anything to you about this?  I often wonder what they think about it…..it must feel strange to them too. I do hope Aaron is able to enjoy his special day. 

Doriana my friend….{{{HUGS}}}.  I was there where you are this last weekend.  It come and goes with without any warning.  You are caught in a current right now and have been hit by a wave of pain and emotions.  Wishing you calmer days ahead. 

Carrie I love Steven Curtis Chapman music and songs so thanks for sharing this article.  He is an inspiration to so many of us parents who also have lost children. His songs speak to the heart and I can feel his pain when he sings them.  I especially like his new one “Heaven is the Face” ,have you heard that one?  http://www.onlylyrics.com/hits.php?grid=11&id=1036348

Lynn the headstone makes it so official doesn’t it….I could barely look at ours when it was finally placed.  Take care and let the tears flow….wishing you easier days ahead. 

To everyone else thank you for your continuing support….hoping everyone has a peaceful evening and upcoming days ahead.  Sue

[daveydow1]

Sue---Yes, it does give one a "strange" feeling when one of your

surviving children gets to be the age that your other child died. My

daughter Rebecca, turned 31, (Dave's age when he passed) and as you say, they

will then go past the age that our Angel/angels lived. Those numbers are burned into

our minds, and will never be forgotten---our angel's birthday, and the

date that they passed over. Seeing the newly-placed headstone is also

 very painful to see......especially for the first time. It makes it all so

official and final. May your Michelle smile down on you & warm your heart.

        Daveysmom,  Sherry 

[briansdad]

Here are the bricks I put at the angel of hope for Brian.

[shorty16]

Sue

We have not discussed the same-age-thing with Aaron.  But like you said, Aaron will always be Brian's younger brother.

Aaron was actually getting taller and heavier than his 2.5 yr older brother Brian. 

We will have a good day.  Thanks

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Beautiful article about this Steve Curtis Guy, such a sad story he shares, like all of ours. Listen you should ms.Lorri, it is filled with  hope and faith. Thanks for sharing that Sue.

Greg, I love the bricks, love the sentiment. You are a great Daddy, that Boy is mighty glad that you are his Pops.

[mysonrich]

So, my computer updates each night. Shuts down and starts up again. Every other time this has occurred my desk top has a icon for me and one for Rich, I click on one. early this moring when I went to sign on I was surprised to see Rich and Sarah smiling at me. It gave me a sense of peace, not to get so agitated over work and the things I want to do, share Thanksgiving with my family, and what I can not do.

I went back to sleep . Maybe someone trying to tell me something.

 

Bonnie, Lynn, Sue, Colleen, Kathy,Lorri,Greg,Dan, MaryAnn, Dee, Sherry, Carol, Trudi....reading all of your posts, enjoying the pictures, feeling the sorrow, enjoy hearing good news, all the events, our lives now.

 

Keeping busy and hoping thanksgiving doesn't hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

Good night

Betsy,mysonRich

[lolynbo]

HER LAST 4TH OF JULY...ON OUR PONTOON BOAT , THATS BRENT BESIDE HER..JULY 07'

[briansdad]

Here is a pic I found of B and one of his best friends,

 

[lolynbo]

LAST PIC I TOOK OF HER SMILING AT ME AND HAVING FUN...OCT 27TH OR SO 07' AT THE RACE IN WACO TEXAS..

[summergirl]

I LOVE the pics......!!!!!!

Sherry and Dee - thank you, I am finally realizing that Tavian does need the discipline and he has benifited from it although I always felt as though I was hurting him by bing "tough" but now see that when I say something I mean it and I FOLLOW through...that is one of the most important thing.....to FOLLOW through with what you say.  Tonight was another good night......

Carrie - read the article, so very sad and tugged at my heart.....the words so true for all of us. I will buy his CD and listen to it.

veronicasmom - the dark valley is a tough place to be indeed. Many days will pass and then I find myself "back there" without warning and it consumes my whole being with a pain that is beyond words for any of us. Let the tears and pain come, they cleanse us and the pressure eases. This is a life time journey none of want to be on but the strength we get from one another is a life line to grab onto.  Take care my friend.

To see your child's headstone for the first time brings you to your knees, to see their name and the dates makes the heart realize "it is true".   I was lucky to have been notified that Jessica's stone had been set because I do not know how I would have handled it had I came across it........so sorry for those of you who had to.

Trudi - sounds like you are having some HOT weather......

Lorrie - definitley a sign so play some music girl.

Today was cold and windy and all those leaves I took care of yesterday are back to haunt me...... 

Tonight I was sitting in the chair watching Tavian playing on my laptop, Barry at the firehouse for a meeting and I felt content, just sitting there watching Tavian and resting....... for just a little while.

Peaceful dreams to all.....Kathy

 

 

 

 

[ericasmom]

Glad that you had a restful, peaceful evening Kathy. Hey, why not mow your leaves and dump the remains in the compost bin, if no bin, that makes a good base in which to begin one. Beats raking or blowing, plus you will have some rich and wonderful soil for spring. Yes, I was no disciplinarian, however I do know that if I carried through, it was better fro everyone, same is true as teacher. Today a little girl tried to be funny when I asked her why two problems out of 6 were not finished, (homework) and she said, well my mom didn't have time...I said, honey, this wasn't your Mom's homework, and your mom sends me a note if your family ran out of homework time, so you miss half of recess, it happens again, you miss it all. She said, "oh, okay." She was very surprised that her silly voice did not change my mind, but I don't think that she will try that again. Many kids miss whole recess if they choose not to do thier homework, and eventually they begin to do it as they really want recess.

Bonnie, my thoughts and prayersa re with you as your area was rained upon so heavily.

Love to YOU ALL< I am sleepy,

dee

[mikesmum]

Its been hot again today.  Muttley has had his 'winter coat' trimmed off and now looks more like 'Spike'. 

Have had a 'funk day'.  Going over my investments that thankfully didn't completely crash, but nevertheless didn't thrive either....bummmer.

In amongst it all found these...

Micheal Shane - Would be about 12yrs....fit well and loves fishing!!  We went to Batemans Bay for baby brothers wedding.  Took all my persuading to get the kids of the rocks/beach and dressed that afternoon...

Mike Lauren and Emily 10yrs ago.  The first surgeries evident on his knee....

Love seeing pictures of our kids, doing kid things, raises a smile...

Softer tears today - I remember those days.....happy days......my boy.

[bjsmom]

Thank you all for the wonderful encouraging words. Seems i thought i was doing much better, but with Bj's birthday in September then his Angel Day in November, i fell apart once again. It's now almost 1:00am and i'm still awake, my thoughts are of my son. I was sent this photo just today. This is Bj (long hair phase) and his girlfriend Ashley back in 2006; they dated for almost 2 years. Although Bj was single when he died i don't believe he ever got over his first love....Precious memories of what could have been. She is having a hard time. So many regrets.

[lolynbo]

HUH WHAT A 360...CARLEY TEXT ME AND ASKED COULD SHE COME OVER SHE DOESNT FEEL WELL JUST TO REST TIL BRENT GETS OFF...SATANS DAUGHTER WOULD HAVE COME BY TO BURN MY HOUSE

GEORGE PASSED AWAY THIS MORNING AT 4 (

[ericasmom]

Deneace, they made a gorgeous couple, and I do hope that she will be able to feel his love and support for all time. He would want her to go forward. You will see in a few days probably that life will regroup a bit.

My heart,

dee

[heartbeataway]

Greg,

Love the smiling face of Brian with his friend. 

Enjoyed all the pictures of the kids ..... how can they be gone?

In the past there would be times that I would be homesick for Jason and Rich would ask if we needed to schedule a trip to Virginia to see him. I was thinking about that yesterday ..... we can't schedule a long weekend in "Heaven". 

Lorri,

So sorry for your family loss ......

Our weather is cloudy and hazy and wet at times but we are far enough away from both the Maryland and Virginia Beach coastal areas that we're safe and sound, no flooding or strong winds.

Thanks for asking ......

Love!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[shellbellsmom]

It’s Friday the 13^th and though I am not superstitious there is just something about this day that is a constant reminder that sometimes things go bad….others joke about today, but ones who have suffered tragedies like us definitely don’t need the reminder.  I have an appointment with an oral surgeon today so hopefully it will turn out good news rather than bad.

Denease nice picture of your son BJ and his long hair…it is hard when we find a reminder of the good ole’ days.

Bonnie book me on the next plane to heaven with you….even if it’s a visit in a dream I am there.  Glad to hear you missed the really bad weather. 

Kathy doesn’t it feel strange when we actually have those good days?  I…knock on wood, have had several OK days this week. But last week I was a mess…deep dark mess, and am glad to be in a better spot now.  I know any minute it may come back but for the time being I am happy to finally feel a little OK now.  Wishing you many more good nights.

Dee my son was one of those kids that would have to miss recess all the time.  It wasn’t that he wouldn’t do the assignment but somehow he would forget to turn it in, couldn’t find it after he did it (probably waded up in a ball in his bookbag) and said he didn’t like all the busy work, which meant assignments.   Luckily he had the brains to Ace all the tests so his grades weren’t too low.  I tried like crazy to get it through his head to  be more organized without any luck and then by HS it finally clicked in. 

Greg love the phases you have put on the bricks…and love the picture of your son smiling from ear to ear….you can’t look at that picture without thinking of all the good times he had. 

Lorri wishing George’s family some peace, and will keep them in my prayers.  Seeing your picture from the 4^th of July in 2007 sure brought back tons of good and difficult memories. That was the last kind of good day we had with my daughter…she was in the hospital being treated for cancer but that was the last time we were able to laugh, joke and spend some time together before she took a turn for the worst just one hour after midnight.  Seeing her last photos are still too difficult for me. 

Trudi seeing our kids doing what they loved to do laughing and smiling does soften the pain for a moment but then once the realization of what happen settles in so does the sadness.  Looking forward to a day when I can only smile when I see them. 

Betsy we will all need a little help getting through the holidays.  Our families Christmas party is now being hosted by my brother’s family which is great by me the day after the 25^th.  My sister who lives in Denver, CO- I live in Michigan called and informed me that her family would be in town for the whole week staying with my parents.  Christmas Day we traditionally just celebrate my other sisters birthday (which is actually on the 25^th) with no presents just a few of us to eat dinner together and there is no pressure.  Now, looks like her family will be joining us on Christmas Day too.  So I am stuck having to fix dinner and try and get through that day and then the following day at the family party.  Having 3 of my nieces around me for 2 days and then many nephews too (all close to her age) without my daughter is going to be the death of me….my daughter was the oldest of the girls and just loved hanging out with her cousins so…One niece, and nephew are her exact age...and the rest are just a few years behind her in age.  I hope I don’t drown myself in a bottle that day. 

For everyone here…be safe today, look out for ladders and black cats and find some peace to get you through you day.  Sue

[heartbeataway]

Sue,

Rich and I are just going to close off for the holidays.  You are going to need all the strength you can get and if it happens to come in a bottle ...... oh, well .....

All jokes aside, it doesn't sound like it's going to be an easy day for you.

I just hate this life we were left with ...... I want things back the way they used to be.

I want a reason to look forward .......

Love!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[bjsmom]

Wednesday i sat down with lawyers for over 5 hours. We have so many questions yet so many are unanswered still. The one question that i am asked & always stick's out in my mind, "tell me about your son". As Bj's mother you would think this is easy to put into a few words, but it's not. How do i explain to strangers how my son really was, how do i explain his personality, his love of life and everything he cared about most. How do i explain 19 years of life in a few short statements? It's absurd, for how long do defending attorneys really "know" their clients? Yet they still defend them. This case has taken so much from me over the past year & yet no trial date set. Where was i supposed to turn, who would give me any answers? Hope is my only way of overcoming the fear of giving up...so much Hope.