Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

 

Happy Belated Birthday in Heaven, to dear Michelle.

[daveydow1]

Yikes----miss a couple days on BI, and as Lynn...says (HI Lynn!) .....Can't keep up

with all the posts, but think of all here in the BI family.  Love ALL the pics.

everyone !

Dan---Lovely birthday greeting for Michelle with the roses, & Michelle's sweet

face in each rose.

Dee--Your last bike ride in 70 degrees sounds divine. Nice that your class will

'adopt' a family to help.  It's a wonderful lesson to help others. Also, hope that the

 weather holds out a bit for the annual placing of the wreaths on the LIONS at the

 Art Museum. My husband and I went there a couple times. What a wonderful

place........we need to go back again !  

 To all here at BI.......thanks for the photos.....keep them coming! I really enjoy seeing them. Peace & tranquility, friends. 

    Daveysmom, Sherry

 

 

[shorty16]

Hello to my BI friends

Missing my Brian today.  He would be in Colorado right now working at a ski resort being a snow-board bum.

Thinking of you all

Colleen

[4everjoeysmom]

Dan, Thanks for the compliment on Joey's distinguished look. I look at that picture and it kind of takes me to a place of dreams... Kind of Great Gatsby-ish, the pic...an era gone by...

Sounds like you need a retreat from your stressful job. Hope you find the rest you need...

Happy Birthday Michelle!! Thinking of you Sue...

Love, Claudia

[ericasmom]

Col, both my kids are snowboard lovers, Jon went to a snow/ski equipment show the other night, said though, that it wasn't as good in previous years, less vendors, less folks, and that is all due to less money. Gas is up to $2.89 here. Do Arron adn your Daughter snowboard or ski?

[daveydow1]

Deneace----Thinking of you today----BJ's Angel Day. Prayers and

wishes for peace & comfort. 

Sue----Lovely poem you posted for your dear angel, MICHELLE. Thanks.    

      Daveysmom,  Sherry

[daveydow1]

Leah,----Hang on, dear....come to BI, and let us know how you are doing.

We all understand how difficult it is a lot of times.....with being "down" and

not feeling like doing much. Try to do more for yourself---I know it is hard.

Come back to BI.  Take care, friend.

     Daveysmom,  Sherry

[mpsmom]

Sherry, I havent seen my "Davey's Deals" sign in 3 weeks now, since I broke my leg we have not been able to get to counseling, looking forward to going tommorrow.  Hope all is well with you, sure do enjoy seeing your sweet boys smiling  face here.

HUgs, Marcia    Bethanys Mom Forever

[mpsmom]

BJ hold your mom, dad and your baby brothers close on this day that you left this life to join our angels in heaven.  Deneace take care of yourself, I think about you often, it was so nice hearing your voice and knowing that you are holding on, if even by your fingernails, BJ is proud of all that you have done since he left. 

Hugs, Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever  

ps will call you again next week to see how you are doing.

[mysonrich]

Bj, remembering you and your family today.

[ericasmom]

I have to admit that I cannot find my cheat sheet in my messy office, but I went to bed thinking of BJ. and then it turns out that today is BJ's angel day.

DENEACE, knowing what this day means to your heart, know that we are holding you.

BJ, listen you need to surround the family today, especially Mom and let them know that you are ok, better than ok. Let them feel your peace.

Dance with the kids up there, give them all hugs.

Love to you Deneace, as you find your way through.

[nicksdad]

[daveydow1]

MARCIA---Thanks for your kind words. Sure hope things are coming along.

Not easy having a broken leg, I'm sure.  Hope you will be feeling good as

new soon---I know it must be exasperating to be "laid up" when there is

so much you have to do, and want to do. Sweet Bethany is surely smiling

down on you and wishing you a fast recovery.

      Daveysmom, Sherry

[mikesmomrs]

Deneace....you are in my thoughts and prayers on this, BJ's Angel Day...may he surround you with the sweetest of memories to calm your heart.

love and peace,  Carol  Mikesmomrs

[daniellemom]

Deneace – May your memories of BJ bring you so much peace today. Dan said it right, he was a ray of sunshine!

Marcia I’m so sorry to hear about your motorcycle accident. LOL. Get well soon.

Happy Belated Birthday Michelle.

To all my brothers and sister I’ve missed you all. Love the pictures and I’m trying to read the post. I will never be able to response to all of them but know that I love each of you so very much and wanted to thank each of you for posting and helping me each day. I’m back and will post more later.

Sonya (Danielle’s Mom)

[mikesmum]

Deneace - Thinking of you today as you remember the life and times of BJ hopefully with laughter as well as the odd sprinkling of tears.

Talk of how others dont mention our kids, ask if headstones or memorials are complete made me wonder.......is it because we are anchored to that one day, that one minute, that  last heartbeat and they aren't?

I thought of my pic with Muttley.  Sitting silently in the middle of the stream with the water rushing by - reflecting in part my life.

The temp here is up to 36c and I am off to the ocean.  The recharging of the soul as I watch and listen to the crashing surf is much needed........

Love the poetry for Michelle's birthday in heaven......

[mikesmomrs]

Dee:  I am glad that you got to go on your bike ride and I hope that you had a happy supper with Jon and Shannon enjoyed their meal with you and you were able to create some new happy memories.  I hope you have a good week at school, free of "hyperness" from the kids and free of germs...is that even possible in a room full of kids that age? 

Dan...glad to see your handsome Nick's face again and see your post...beautiful job on the roses of Michelle...and the pic of BJ....

Sue:  the bookmarks are just wonderful...I know that Michelle is so very proud of you for all that you have accomplished in her name...

Claudia:  I also love the pic of Joey, and yes, he does look like a distinguished gentleman from the 40's...glamour shot...yes...love the other pics, also...so much laughter just beaming from them...

Trudi:  The pics of your walk bring us right to the river with you...ahh, but that it could be so...I would be dipping my tootsies right in there...the sun looks glorious...Muttley knew that was one way to get you to dip those feetsies in there...the stone does indeed look to be the perfect place for a plaque in Mike's honor...

Marcia:  Oh, the shopping trip...sweet memories...hard to believe it was only for, what...1 1/2 hours or so?  We did so much...still can smell the buttery pretzel we shared with Trudi...but the company holds the sweetest memories...if I were there with you now, I could put you in a wheel chair and we could shop again...

Lyn:  the pic of Danny at halloween is terrific...you can tell he loved doing that!  thanks for sharing...

Sonya:  What a coincidence...seeing your post...coming home today a different way than usual, went by the "Danielle Lane" that is around the corner from my house...thought immediately of your sweet Girl...

Kathy:  It must be so hard to be strong for Tavian when all you want to do is hold him and cry with him,---I am so glad that he has his mi-mi there to comfort him and be his sounding board when he needs one...I know that your sweet Jessica is so proud of you for the way you are taking care of Tavian...

Colleen:  I am really sorry that you are having a "really missing Brian" day...although we miss them each and every day, some days the "presence of their absence" is just so much more in the forefront of our minds and hearts, and certainly it always seems more so at the time of the change of seasons...thinking of Brian snowboarding to his heart's delight across the clouds of heaven...   In reference to your post a couple pages back with comment about "the sadness of Mike's last Christmas" addressed to Trudi; actually, it was me who posted that about T'Day, and then I had talked about how I wish so much we had "gone over the top" with the Christmas celebration, knowing fairly certain that it would be his last Christmas...just wanted to clear that up...sometimes it's easy to confuse us with both having "Mike's."  But, yes, I do know what you mean about such being like going down a dead end road...  The holidays do tend to do that to us, don't they...

Got a meeting to go to...thinking of you all and will post later. 

love and peace,  Carol  mikesmomrs

[lolynbo]

THINKING OF BJ IN HEAVEN ON THE ANGEL DATE...HOLDN YOU IN MY HEART

[arc4ever]

Prayers for BJ's family on his angel date.

Terrie (Adam's mom)

[arc4ever]

Probably not an original, but here is a lovely quote posted on Facebook by Adam's friend Abby (or better known to him and in his contacts as BEAUTIFUL) they loved to fight and loved each other very much.  She is the one that got the ARC always by my side tattoo:

"I thought of u with love today but that is nothing new. I thought of you yesterday and days before that to. I think of u in silence I often speak your name. All I have is your memory and the keep sakes in a frame.  I LOVE YOU ARC"

Sirens, and firetrucks and police cars and life flight just down our road.  called Adam's friends and our friends checking on them.  Freaked out a bit, and started walking in circles around the house.  Never ends does it?

Love to all, Terrie (Adam's mom)

[shellbellsmom]

Yesterday was far worse than today has been.  Thanks again for all the birthday wishes for my Michelle. (BYW today is her actual birthday so some were early and no were belated).  Dan the rose graphic was so beautiful…this one I saved.  It was wonderful to see her name…and in my mind I “hear her name”. 

Yesterday we had her mass and then went out to dinner at one of her favorite restaurants. * I think she was there…picture to come later.  One of her friends made it to mass- it was one of her college roommates she loved.  I gave her a plate she had made for Michelle as a gift before.  I hugged her and then lost it. This is so not me….I am stronger around others….I am mush when I am alone.  She was the only friend that made it and drove over a hour to honor her ….and it meant the world to me. 

Lynn I know how you feel when you don’t hear their names….My family is pretty good talking about her…friends- not so much.  One of the reasons I had rough day yesterday was at mass we had my whole family present (about 20  of us) and her name was not mentioned during the service….This is something they always do when you dedicate a mass to someone.  THEIR NAME IS SPOKEN OUT LOUD for all the whole congregation to hear .  I was waiting the whole mass and hoping I wouldn’t tear up when I heard her name…so I was listening …and the rest of my family too.  We have dedicated many masses to her and her name has always been spoken before.  Why didn’t they this day.  Broke my heart….couldn’t even sing or concentrate during the rest of the mass and it really pissed me off too.  My sister stopped the little girl reader after mass to ask her if she forgot one intention…Today another daily mass I dedicated to her too….AGAIN NO MENTION OF HER NAME.  My mother asked one of the nuns why and they didn’t know.  I am emailing my priest and telling him if this is a new policy….then need to change it.  When we lose a love one….WE NEED TO HEAR THEIR NAME.

Trudi and Claudia you are so fortunate to not have to deal with Thanksgiving….I caved and am having some of my family over.  My mother and father were thinking about going out to dinner rather than bother me (I traditionally always do it) and my father is 81…and both parents have a hard time getting around.  So I caved- dinners at my place. 

Love all the photos- Lynn looks like you  “Rocked On”, Trudi love all the beauties with their father….this one’s priceless.  Love the Trick or Treater’s too.

Kathy so sorry you had to deal with the thoughtless comments….they just don’t get it. 

Dee- love Erica’s dreads….and I do cheat sheets too.

DJ you are a “Ray of Light”…{{{HUGS}}} to Deneace- haven’t yet met.

Terrie, love the quote…put in on one of my bookmarks I made this year.  

Leah I got signs today and all through songs like you did.  This was so much Michelle.  She loved her music…..poor  kid was tone deaf like crazy though.  I was only in the car for a short time but each song that played was sent to me... Most were ones she told me about when I was in need of a good song for a video I was making (Unwritten & Got the Music in Me) Train’s calling all angels- which talks about signs, Dancing with angels, somewhere over the rainbow- Jason IzKam, which I have on her website, then a  Kelly Clark song I had never heard before called Already gone, Simple Minds- Don’t you forgettable me….and then of course “I will remember you”…by Sarah McLach.- I wrote them down I couldn’t believe it….This also happened last year when we were in Nashville for her BD…same songs….everyone I knew were for me.  THANKS MICHELLE~ I LOVE YOU KIDDO. 

Sorry so long….feeling better now. Take Care everyone….Sue (Birthday Girls Mom)

[shellbellsmom]

Sorry wanted to share some more....

This was a picture my nephew made in his Spanish class for "On the day of the dead" and gave to me today.  " No hablo espanol"...so I think it says I remember my cousin Michelle.  I especially love the McDonalds french fries...she always took him there when she baby-sat him.

[shellbellsmom]

Don't know how to post more than 1 photo to a post. Here is what I had put into todays press.

[shellbellsmom]

Here is a cell phone picture I took of my father while he was toasting Michelle and telling a story about her last night at dinner.  Look at the bottom right corner of the picture....I think she was there.  My son thought it was my thumb but It couldn't have been since the lens is way on top and my thumb was on the bottom pushing the take button. 

[ericasmom]

SUe, pretty sure that Shell was with you at the table, listening to her Grandaddy and spending her big day with her beloved family. She shone from her place, marking it for all time, leaving you to see that she indeed visits you. I am so glad that today is easier than yesterday, and yes, what is up with the church messing up a dedication service? Nope, that should be a redo. So happy that you were able to spend time and hugs with one of Shell's friends, those are moments in which our hearts are made over, where our Child has been remembered and honored by the presence of an old friend. OH, I adore the cousins rendition of his dear Shell sharing fries. Lovely. Eri's photo from 6th grade is on teh alter table in our school, the table that holds the photos for day of the dead. Many kids say, " who is that girl?" Why did she die?"  In fact one little girl came to me today and said, Ms. Conmy, was it that girl, and pointed to the photo, that gave me money for the field trip today? I said yes indeed, the ERica Reith Fund is here to help kids to have a good education adn to have a lot of fun. She hugged me. She is in 2nd grade spanish immersion class. I know Eri smiled at that.

Sonya, so good to see you here smiling through your Daughter, Danielle.

Terrie, I do the same thing when we hear the sirens and see the heliocopter, I get very agitated and worried about everyone I know. It was so bad for a while that I would walk past Jonathan's to make sure of him. Breathe.

I love that particular quote, and i love that she has that tattoo, ARC.

Undying friendship.

Carol, I like the phrase you used, was it " the presence of the loss?" I would sit with my toes in the water too with Trudi, wouldn't we laugh though? ANd yes, not too long ago you and Marcia and Trudi went shopping, the three once strangers are strangers no more. We none of us are strangers anymore.

[summergirl]

Deneace - thinking of you and yours on this your sweet Bj's Angelvesary. May you find strength in your memories and hope in your heart.

BJ, BJ, BJ ...................SAYING YOUR NAME !!

[lolynbo]

WELL JUST GOT BACK FROM COUNCELING...WOW COULDA STAYED HOME FOR THAT ONE....JUST DIDNT GET MUCH OUT OF IT TONIGHT...THERE WAS A LADY THERE THAT JUST LOST HER 50YR OLD SON TO HEART ATT.....THEN IN 97 SHE LOST HER OTHER SON TO BRAIN CANCER...BOTH HER KIDS ARE GONE..WOW HARD HARD LIFE ...

I TELL THEM ABOUT BI..AND NO ONE EVER JOINS...I GET MORE OUT OF THIS WEB SITE THEN ANYTHING..IM SO GLAD I HAVE YAL....I AM STILL GOING TO GO TO THE MEETINGS CUZ I COULD USE THE EXTRA HELP...BUT YAL HELP THE MOST..

WELL MY SISTERS FATHERIN LAW IS ABOUT TO CROSS OVER..I GUESS KOURTNEY WILL GET TO HELP WELCOME HIM INTO HEAVEN...HES 80??? OR SO IT COULD BE ANY TIME NOW..HIS NAME IS GEORGE KILLINGSWORTH IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO PRAY FOR THEM...

THANL YAL

[summergirl]

Carol - yes, it is sometimes so very diffacult to be so strong around Tavian, to always have to stand tall and suck it up as they say but he is worth the pain I endure and it would be so much more painful without him.  He tests me quite often but I am becoming stronger, no longer think Jessica gets upset with me for punishing him. Today on the way to school his chain came off his bike and he had a total meltdown, screaming at me because I could not fix it, so I tossed it in the back of my car and home we went and got his new bike and sent him off, followed him but he would not acknowledge me !! I was so angry at his "temper tantrum" so tonight when I got home I sat him down and told him "no bike tomorrow, there are consequensces for your actions and this morning they were unacceptable" he was not happy but oh well -- he needs the discipline, I cannot let him get away with behaving that way or life will not be good for either of us.  Not easy but I am determined.

Sonya - so good to hear from you and see your beautiful Danielle.

Dee - love what you said "we are strangers no more" - even though alot of us did not make the non-reunion we are connected in a way that can never be broken, the ties that bind here are strong.

Sue, I love the book marks, so beautiful and bring tears. Michelle is smiling!!

Trudi - sure widh I were walkiing to the ocean with you, I could use so refreshing, some renewing, some peace of the ocean waves and my toes in the sand. I will be with you in spirit - just close my eyes and there I am.

Colleen - missing Brian day - oh how hard they are and they take us to a place we do not want to be but necessary in order for us to move forward on this journey. Hugs to you.

Lynn - oh yes, the wonders of family and some friends !!  There are times when I just brush it off and say I am so over it and then they will do or say something again that just puts them at the top of my "revenge list" - not that I will ever really seek revenge as that would make me like them but it sure feels good to dream about it.

Marcia - how is the ankel/leg doing?? Think of you always my friend. Think of Jessica and Bethany laughing and talking. I wish there was an address in the stars.

Sad day at work today, they have let 2 of my friends go !! I am so sad for them as it is not fair. I am going to miss them but worry more about what they will do from here, jobs are not as plentiful as they used to be. I pray for them. It was so hard to see the tears they cried as they both love their jobs and are sooooo good at it.

Another beautiful day but the cold and rain shall be moving in soon. I hate that it gets dark by 5 p.m. - the evenings feel so long. Time to get my butterfly quilt out and finish it.

Question - how many days do you sometimes go without crying??  I have not cried about Jessica for a while and I wonder why that is - the pain and grief are so overwhelming yet my eyes stay dry!!!

Peaceful dreams and sweet rest my friends. kathy

[ericasmom]

Kathy, I think the consequence fits the offense quite well. There are reasons for consequences, and when we look back to hard lessons learned as children, they usually involved our behavior causing some punishment. I sit in school today and listened to the kids read about their weekend. One girl said she was mad because her end of the season soccer party wasn't at her house and she wanted it to be, so she didn't go. NOw I am sorry, but you better damn well figure that if you spent the time on the team, you are not letting the team down now just cause you did not get your way as to where the party was held...and I do believe that she loses out on the lesson, as well as the inflated sense of being in charge. Real life means you have to show up. And it means that if you show up and bring the wrong attitude or behavior, then you will have to forgo the good stuff that day. It just makes sense. It also supports the kids that are doing the right thing on a daily basis. Why is ok for them to see kids that are not pulling their weight earn the same rewards?

Beth, the fund in my daughter's name services the whole school on a needs basis. I teach third grade, but the fund helps kids throughout the grade levels. The money is donated each year by my family and ERi's friends at our gathering each summer called, "Eri-Fest" and sometimes on her birthday there is money that comes in. The PTO also has donated the last two or three years, which is wonderful. Each year I write checks that total on average 2000.00. I know that ERi likes that idea, that in her name, we help the children.

Sleep is pulling on my eyelids,

night all,

dee

[cameronsmom1]

[shadow=blue]I GET TO FIND OUT WHEN MY BABY WILL BE BORN TODAY!!![/shadow]

[lolynbo]

YEAH AMANDA

[shorty16]

Belated First Angelversary for BJ.  11-9

Deneace, We are thinking about you and may you feel BJ around you today and always

 

Colleen

[bjsmom]

Thank you everyone for sending messages, thoughts & hope on Bj's Angel Day. I'm not sure how i made it to this day, it feels like just yesterday that i heard the horrific life changing news that my son was gone from this world. Can it really be a year? I won't lie, it's been an emotional day. Crying so hard that i found myself heaving over the kitchen sink, then trying to regain some control. My 2 boys were at school, my husband at work, so i was alone with my thoughts & Bj most of the day. This is just as i wanted, just as i needed. This past week has brought forth some challenges, things that i must take care of for Bj's case & for my peace of mind. When i was told of these challenges i asked myself "why" does this have to happen now, why is this happening to us, but in the end i know there's a good reason. Bj's Angel Day was unique, things did happen. One thing in particular, that Bj & I would have joked & laughed at together. I know & feel it was a message from him, i thanked him for this. I miss my son so much, words just cannot describe. Over the past few months i have found great peace knowing that i will see my son again, when it's my time, just not right now. For now i must keep living, keep breathing, day by day, for the ones i love who are still here. It would be so easy to give up, to make excuses & say they will be alright & taken good care of. I cannot give up, i cannot give up. I was blessed in every possible way to know & care for my son for 19 years, i was given that time. I cherish the memories, the pictures, the words & the love that we shared. I know my son knows how much i love him, i know this. I also know how much he loves me, a bond that can never be broken. Only separated for awhile, i will see him again. Although i have found a sense of peace with myself, i wish i could say i was doing better with the world. I am still reluctant to be out in the world again, i still dred the questions. I have become somewhat of a hermit, although sometimes i feel like it would be better for me if i were out of the house, in the workforce. I think i'm strong but then it only takes one person to make me feel so helpless, as i stand there ready to breakdown. Yesterday i went to pay a bill, the lady asked me how we were doing, that she had been thinking of us. I could not even look her in the eyes as i tried hard to swallow for, if i would have, i would have surely broken down right there in her office. I basically ran out, trying not to face anyone else. Pain is always present in the eyes. Yesterday was emotional, the day before was emotional, today is iffy, and tomorrow may or may not be emotional. One minute i'm fine, the next i'm a hissing serpent making everyone around me mad or upset. I hate how this has affected us all, how everyone's lives around me are changed forever. For how can anything ever be the same again. It cannot. I wish things were different but then i feel selfish for wishing this, i miss the days when life was just happy, but then i was too blind to see what was right in front of me. I wish i could say that after all this i'm not taking the days of my life for granted, but sometimes i still do. I try very, very hard to make my boys lives happy, i want them to know & feel nothing but happiness in family. Sometimes i fail, as i cannot "not" be sad some days. It's times as these when my husband is the hero, he's such a good father and always standing by my side to pick up the pieces. This is our little family, our life, the path that is ours. We are all making it together. Only separated for a little while Bj, until i see you again-momma

Deneace (BjsMom)

Marcia (Bethany's mom), you cannot know how good it was to hear your voice. Thank you for this.

Dan (Nicks dad)- thank you for the beautiful caption of Bj.

[bjsmom]

[align=center]B.J. McElroy- 09/10/1989-11/09/2008

Bj loved life and lived it to the fullest. He was killed in a car wreck on November 9, 2008. He was 19 and beautiful. At the time he was attending East Central Community College in Decatur Ms. Life was wonderful!!!

[/align]

[bjsmom]

Bj's brothers: Zachary Reel (7) and Dane Reel (9). School days.

It's hard not to be happy around these 2. I am blessed!

[ericasmom]

Deneace, your boys are beautiful, impossible to say one is cuter than the other, they, all 3, are so very handsome. I am touched by what you wrote Deneace, the knowing that causes peace inside your soul is a welcome change to this life, but the feeling of vulnerability out in the world is still a problem for you, for many. Life did change completely, and I am glad that people ask you how you are, just remeber it is okay if you let hte tears out in front of others. It is okay to say OH MY GOODNESS I AM SORRY BUT I NEED TO LET MY TEARS FALL> In many ways, we parents are the ones here on earth teaching others hwo and what to do with our breaking hearts. If we go out among folks and breakdown, it is simply a lesson for them to see that the loss we suffered is always going to be a loss. It does not go away. When I break in front of folks, I simply say, please don't stop asking about how we are, or saying Eri's name, but today it struck my tear center.

Let your tears fall Deneace, they are a very real part of life.

Peace and thank you for sharing BJ and his brothers with us.

dee

Amanda, let us know, it must be so very exciting.

[arc4ever]

Am I the only one who is a bit offended by this article on Fox News' website regarding the Travolta's?  Here are just a couple of clips from the article:

It's been a traumatic year for the Travolta family following the tragic death of their teenage son Jett in January after a seizure accident. But it seems John and wife Kelly Preston are finally moving on and were all smiles at the Hollywood premiere of Disney's "Old Dogs," which not only stars the famous couple but their 7-year-old daughter Ella.. . . .While the threesome declined interviews, those posed together for photographers and gave excited fans a wave as hundreds turned out to get a glimpse of the iconic star and chant his name. They were also snapped out and about in LA over the weekend, appearing to be in high spirits and even told USA Today that they were "healing" with "Daily religious counseling sessions."While the threesome declined interviews, those posed together for photographers and gave excited fans a wave as hundreds turned out to get a glimpse of the iconic star and chant his name.

I tried to post a comment twice stating my feelings about the "moving on" and "all smiles" and "high spirits" but in the middle of posting my comments it kicked me out before I could post.  Maybe a sign that I need to shut up.  It just irritates me and makes me feel like they are doing a dissservice to bereaved parents and to society by stating that they are moved on.... what the heck, yeah we just move on and are happy go lucky and run around smiling after a set period of time that society believes is appropriate.  What a load of crap!!!

Terrie (Adam's mom)

[4everjoeysmom]

Deneace, HUGS!!!

I can totally relate to "all it takes is one person" to set in motion a sense of reeling backwards into a pit of complicated grief... Happened to me last night, totally unexpected, and I am so shocked and down I can't even go there right now. Have barely slept... I'm so sorry for your pain. I remember 1 year...and 2, and it was a tough time in between those... My heart to you... HUGS, Claudia

[lostwoher]

 Terrie, you are not the only one offended by the comment made about the Travolta's. Keep in mind it came from a reporter who obviously has never had to experience a death such as we have. We all know how to put on a mask while in the presence of others not to mention that they are both very good at acting. Keep trying to post what you have to say. Its important to let people know how it feels. Yes, we may keep moving on doing what needs to be done but the broken heart remains for a lifetime. I dont think the Travolta's read tabloids but if they were to see it or hear what is being said then Im sure they are just as sickened as we are.

From one broken heart to another,

Lynn

[mikesmum]

Terrie - Wow, no wonder people think we are okay after losing our child.  Fox network says so.  My pysch says half my problem is that I 'present okay'.  Should I be 'letting it all out in public' so the guys with the nets can take me!! 

As for the life flight and sirens - we have had brilliant weather here and the 'weekend warriors' are up in their hundreds. These are motorcyle riders who bought the big bike to tackle the winding roads through the mountains.  Problem is they ride like its a Grand Prix and their experience is BMX.  Airlifted about 4 over a period of 5 days!  The flight path is over our house and the helipad just up the road........hate the sound.

Deneace - Some handsome gene pool.  I love your pics, and yes we are blessed having our boys siblings with us.  If Mike had been my only child I hate to think of the depth my grief would have taken me.

my husband at work, so i was alone with my thoughts & BJ most of the day.

Kathy - I think its hard to say how many days without tears cause they hit hard and fast adhoc.  Like Deneace says, alone with my thoughts I cry some days till exhausted.  I'm on meds to lessen the 'impact' of the emotional rollercoaster so its hard to know if its meds or me.....

Dee - It does make you think what msgs do the kids get and how they will travel into the 'real world'.  I think its been a problem for a number of years.  'Wise old owl - gently show them the error of their ways'.  Its hard.  Em gave up one of her two extra cirricular activities only to be told by her choir teacher she was a quitter!  She'd been a member for 3yrs.  Sad news was she could only handle one activity cause she will be in 6th grade next year, her last before high school and it will be that little bit harder.

Sue - Its Michelle.  I have no doubt.  Watching her granddad speak of her with love and just being. 

Well ladies and gentlemen, I took you all with me yesterday. We walked 4kms along the beach.  Poured over the rock pools & sat watching the waves for hrs.  Lunch was chicken avocado (sp) & salad sandwiches.  Enjoy.....

Beyond

Back beach Portsea

Its called London Bridge - love the rock pools

Out to the ocean

A treasure...blue star fish

Hope you had fun.......

[cameronsmom1]

Well I was hoping for something soon but all they really said was they are going to watch him and not let him get over 9lbs which right now he is 7lbs 9oz. As for now the date is set for the 30th but if he gets to 9lbs they are going to take him. I went from not being dilated to being dilated to a 2 in one week.

[lostwoher]

Im not so sure he is going to wait til the 30th. Best wishes Amanda!

[mikesmum]

Did they make sure your baby boy understood all the instructions ????? (lol).  He might have made other plans........Take care.

[daveydow1]

Deneace----Thinking of you for BJ's ANGEL DAY Nov. 09. He is

 such a handsome guy. Highway wrecks take so many lives....of young & old

alike, but it seems like there are more young people losing their lives

this way.  Also, great pics of BJ's brothers. Thoughts and prayers for your peace &

comfort at this time, friend.

    Daveysmom,   Sherry 

[daveydow1]

Lorrie---I think you are doing the right thing by continuing with the counseling.

Sometimes I guess it just takes awhile to start getting something out of the

sessions. One can feel a little "out of it",  at first.  I believe you will know,

after several sessions, if it is going to be worthwhile and of any benefit. Yep,

I agree.......BI is the place to come when grief has a hold on you. Lots of

positive feedback here.  Prayers for Mr. George Killingsworth, that he may

cross over peacefully into his heavenly eternal home. Angel Kourtney will surely

welcome him too.  Take care.

            Daveysmom,  Sherry  

[bjsmom]

The boys wanted to buy Bj some little pumpkins & i added the mums & the Mt Dew(Bj's favorite).

[lolynbo]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE PRAYERS FOR GEORGE...HES HOLDN ON....

CARLEY (BRENTS FIANCE) TEXT ME TODAY TO ASK ME

"WHERE TO LOOK FOR A WEDDING DRESS, WHO DOES GOOD WEDDING MAKEUP, AND UP DOS...." AH IM INVOLVED,,,,.

[ericasmom]

Lorri, George will let go when it is his turn, maybe waiting for a hand from the heavens...how very cool that Brent adn Carly are including you in the plans. I think that Brent has done some growing up, and that Carly has a natural instinct into the lives of those who grieve. Nice.

Terrie, I have not seen the interview or anything from FOX news because I hate Fox news or anything FOX related. Sorry, but I do.  They use sensationalism in almost everything that they put on the air. They use the broken hearts of people to sell air time, and they have some onair personalities that offend my soul with their prejudice and hatred and horrible ways. I think that JOhn Travolta is selling a movie and trying to be upbeat perhaps, but we know the story of life after loss, we know that it isn't how it looked on TV. I would imagine that for their young one's life, they are made to go out and do more things that allow her to learn how to find some sense of normal again. Keep in mind that they are movie stars, not a normal family to begin with. We will never know unless they divulge their hearts in a book or a real interview, just how they are coping.

I think that you are doing many things that helps you find your way Terrie; the motorcycle rides, the fund raisers, you are still new to this loss. One thing sure, our Children are smiling on us, trying to help us through the fog, to one day feel happy again, to actually know happy.

Love to you,

dee

[4everjoeysmom]

It looks beautiful Deneace...

[summergirl]

Deneace - what a handsome boy - your Bj and his "visiting site" absolutely wonderful and so decorated by you and the boys. You have a handsome family!!!!    The workforce is a hard thing to make a choice about.....I had been at my job 11 years when we lost our Jessica....I took 5 weeks off and when I went back everyone looked at me with saddness, not sure what to say to me, other's acted as though nothing had happened....I spent the first week back running outside at least 5-6 times a day having a meltdown.....I finally decided I could not work with the public anymore so I transferred to Human Services where I have my own office...I do all of the ordering, contracting etc. for the Senior Nutrition Program......I have found much comfort there as I see the elderly each day as they come to eat, play bingo, visit and do many other things that is offered......the elderly are wonderful people - they have many stories to tell and some just want to talk......none of them know I have lost a daughter and that is fine with me because they do not look at me as "different".... there are other's that work there my age and they are great.....so I made the right choice......however, if I had not had a job "before" than I am not sure what I would have done.  I spent those 5 weeks alone each day as Barry went to work and Tavian to school.......I completely re-did my whole house, moved constantly because to stop moving would surely mean I would curl up and die from the pain.   I remember going to Walmart with a friend to get some more paint for my house and the guy who mixed it did not put the top on all the way....as I was carrying it some of the paint got on my coat....it was a gift for Christmas from my Jessica.....well, I went crazy on the man, I remember so well the moment of looking at him and saying "my daughter bought me this coat for Christmas and she died and now I have paint all over it and what is wrong with you????" as the tears fell down my face......I dropped the paint and ran out of the store.  My friend did everything she could do to calm me but there was just nothing I wanted more than to go "HOME TO MY SAFE ZONE".......it tool me some time before I ventured out into the world but I needed to bacause of Tavian and for me.......time does soften the pain but the tears will always fall and we shall never be the "people we were before".......I think you are amazing and I hope you keep moving forward one baby step at a time......

Dee - how right you are...the consequence fits the offense...Tavian needs to learn that just because I am not the "mommy" I am still in control and if he misbehaves then there is a punishment. He was very upset this morning as he thought I would change my mind but I got through it.......when I picked him up he was still upset and began to act out when we got home so he got time out.......afterwards he came up to me and hugged me and said he loved me.......those words say it all. It is not always easy to be hard on him but I want him to have respect for himself as well as others.  I am getting better at it and work hard to maintain....Thanks for the advice.

Trudi - I too am on meds that help me but the tears that come sometimes leave me exhausted, the pain in my heart and mind to much to bare....I can go for many days without letting go and then I get slammed.  I probably would let go alot more if it were not for Tavian.         I did not get to see the pics you posted as it says they were removed by photobucket???????  Thanks for the walk, I really needed it.

Tomorrow is Tavian and I day, he has no school and I have no work so hope it is nice and we get to bike ride or something.

Amanda - CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and Peace to all.  Kathy