Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

HOoray for Carol, and what gorgeous Kids you have Mary. Drew and your Girl are best buddies it is plain to see. That is how Jon and Eri were. It is very hard on Jon to be here without her. I am so glad to see the gorgeous Kids you have.

Greg, your two compositions from 5 years ago to now are an outstanding way for those new to this twilight zone to see that they will find their way. I applaud your work at writing your feelings and observations and comparisons. Thanks Greg, B is mighty proud of his Dad, and how nice that you were proud of the Dad he had become. Guess who he learned that from?

Trudi, Betsy, Bonnie, the bad girlfriend stories rip my heart apart for all three of you. Such unnecessary behavior, especially this long afterward. How does that work for them do you think? Someday, Oneday, I hope, they will grow into a self-actualized human.

Love,

dee

PS Shelly, so good to see your words, know that you are here.

[homeschoolmom]

Just woke up after three hours of sleep, and my head is pounding! That's what I get for staying up all night.

Bonnie, so sorry for what you are going through- the whole situation is not a failure on your part, but a lack of character on this young man's part. Praying for peace and the grace to make it through....

Trudi, ditto for you. "Never forgive, never forget" just kind of jumped off the page at me. Such ugliness! Continue to journal, your gran-daughter will one day have this treasure and will know that you loved her, and it is her mom who closed the door. Praying that time will soften a heart hardened by rage, hurt...life.

I had bought myself a digital photo frame and uploaded some pics of Rohan and the others and it is just a pleasure to look up at it and see a smiling face, or a huge kiss being thrown at me...

My in-laws are about an hour away, so guess need to go shower and make sure the kids' rooms are okay. Guess I could make something for lunch too.

Blessings,

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

[lostwoher]

Yes, thats my daughter. My daughter in the water. I was there to catch her every time; except the last.

[hotsauce]

SHELLY, i like the new picture of you angel Rohan.

TRUDI, i am sorry you are having a tuff time with amanda, some people never grow up.  i really feel sorry for Harmony.  she is the one who is getting cheated, buy not being able to see or talk with you. 

BETSY, Mike's ex girlfriend sound just like my Brian's ex.  never liked i ideal that Brian and i had such a great relationship. 

ALL, i hope everyone is having a good day.  you do know it's monday, back to work, school, i never did like monday's.  can't say i like any day now, they are all alike. lonely. 

hugs to all

mary ann

 

 

[mikesmum]

 [user=27668]mysonrich[/user] wrote:

 My hurt and angry so deep and in utter despair, knowing I may never fold my son's shirts or sit with others that may want to do the same. I also believe that Rich's money market came into play. So my hate stems from  greed, as I saw it, and the fact that someone, not a wife, but someone decided that I shouldn't be a part of Rich's final "business". Not for monetary gain but a right, a long held family right to care for our relatives, my sons, everything.

When i called her Trudi, pulled over to the side of the road with my cell, I do believe that if I had looked in the mirror my head would have been spinning 360 degrees and green vomit foaming at my lips. I can somewhat laugh now but it was and is not a laughing matter.

 

Betsy,mysonRich

 

Betsy -  You put it beautifully.  I didn't want to be part of Mikes death, no parent should have to bury their child. I didn't see it as a financial windfall.  I felt it should have been a family who had loved and cared for and about Mike.  Those who came together to see he was respected and sent off in a way that reflected and celebrated his life...

After 55mins of resus, Mal went to tell Mikes partner he was gone.  Not easy especially when you know the family.  Her response and I quote "I don't have money for a funeral".  I arrived and was told the same.  That was on the Thursday.  We told her we  would talk to the  local funeral home and asked for an estimate, not to worry about he money.  I was numb - looking at caskets, vaguely hearing numbers and requirments for my son, my baby.  When we rang that night (Fri) and were told she had a friend in the industry who would be doing the funeral and she would be at our house in the morning with him.

The discussions were simple, she was the next of kin, I didn't know my son and as a token I could have a say about a memorial bookmark.  Oh yeah and the funeral would be $2500 AU and I could come to her house and meet with the celebrant she had chosen to marry her and Mike - a deposit was paid for a wedding, she was converting it to a funeral.  I kid you not that was as cold as it sounds.

My head was about to explode but wait, theres more.  We were to find out in the days before the funeral she had a goverment payment of $3000 for Mikes funeral with a further $3000 to assist her re-establish after his death.  She also held an insurance policy on Mikes life value - $400,000. AU.  That had been taken out 6 weeks before he died. The forms for that were requested on the Friday, completed and received by the insurer before the funeral.  We had no idea.  Mike's death was seen as a financial windfall for her.  Being next of kin meant she held the power.  She refused to tell anyone what she was intending to do with Mikes ashes.  It was then I refused to pay for the funeral.  If this was to be 'her right' then she could damn well pay for it........(that money is now in trust for Harmony).

Mike had a laptop with hours of video footage, pictures & his music.  It was something that he spent many many hours recovering with.  He had guitars (4), a mini bike and other things that meant something to us, his family.  I asked if it were possible for us to have his laptop to download some of these things.  NO.  I asked if his siblings could have something like a guitar or even the mini bike for the grandies. NO - "you'll probably sell them'.  Melissa and Steven went to visit her in the Feb.  They noticed a 'marriage' certificate dated January 22nd 07 with Mikes 'signature'. 

I'll have to admit when they told me I wanted her to be in the ground and Mike back.  He would never have treated her this way in life or death.  I made the  mistake of going to see her.  I took my baby brother who was and all was will be my 'keeper'.  The look of distain and ambivilance to my request to see the cert was shocking. I asked about the monies, the certificate, the insurance and why she had been so cold and callous about Mikes death.  She was unmoved.  The money she deserved she said.  The marriage, well we had baby he should marry me....the logic was lost on me.  She asked me if I thought she killed Mike and I replied "I think if you had not been in his life he would be here today".  I left after that. 

The insurance company contacted us as a curteousy.  I told them that it would appear Mike had taken his own life.  The policy was void.  She has blamed us for that.  She blamed us for her being a person of interest in the early days of the coroners inquiry.  She hates with a depth and verocity I have never seen before.  She was 21!

I refuse to hate her.  My son was not one to hate, moreso to forgive. 

I chose to remember those days where I can smile at a thought, a memory.  Like the DVD of Micheal walking tall with Harmony in the November before he died. 

The picture of Laurens 21st where Mike made it home (albeit in a wheelchair) after having a large wedge of bone taken from his tibula to correct his deteriorating knees........

Having ranted and reliving this nightmare called Amanda, I will not give her another minute of my life.

Bonnie - I know Jason wants the same for you....you never really lost him, he's just hanging with the guys waiting.  

Thanks to all who hear my story and know my heart.....only here can I truly celebrate and grieve for my son........

[hotsauce]

Trudi,

i am so sorry, amanda hates you because you said that Mike may have taken his own life and she did not get the money.  i am sorry for saying that, but some people only thing of money.

i will tell you this, when i first looked at your angel in the wheelchair i almost saw my angel Brian.  in his wheelcahir, smoke in hand and ex sitting on his lap. 

i wish i were there to give you a big hug, but you are in my prayers. 

the hard part about seeing your son's picture was that amanda almost looks like Brian's ex jackie.

mary ann

[mysonrich]

Trudi, enough said is right. on that note a Folgers Coffee Toast. ( * clink*clink)

 

 

Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love.  ~George Eliot

[shorty16]

My BI Friends

Today, when I went to work, I was informed Brian Polzin, 39 was killed in a motorcycle accident Sat night.

Brian was the Father of a 17 month old daughter.

My heart is broken for their families.  He was not married, but lived with the mother of his child.

He was itelligent, cute, kind, hard-working and a great loss to me as a friend.

Lord, please smile upon his family and give them peace.

Colleen

[mikesmum]

Maryanne - the lady in the picture is Mikes first love 'Lauren'.  She was with Mike for 10yrs.....Amanda was with him for 2.

This pic was taken on 4th June 07.  It was Mikes 32nd birthday, he had been gone for 6 months.  Amanda dressed as a bride and had a celebrant officate over her 'marriage' to Mike's ashes.  Harmony is in her arms.........told you there was more.

I live for my sons memory, of the years before Amanda.  I live for his siblings, the grandies and the knowning in my heart that he is now free.

Enough air time for Amanda.......out into the crips morning, showers and sunshine breaks......ahhhh.

Colleen - I am sorry to hear of another family devestated by loss.  The baby growing up knowing her dad through the memories of those who knew her....Thoughts of the family as they join us on the journey no one wants to take.

Terrie - pls let us know any news when you can...

[mpsmom]

Trudi, I read and re-read your posting about Amanda and her hateful actions, I am so sorry that Mike spent his last days with someone so cold and uncaring.  I wish I had something to say to make it better, I will pray that one day Harmony will realize how much she is wanted and loved my your side of the family and that she will come looking for you., and I know you will be there with open arms and huge hugs.... I also will pray that the venom that runs thru Amandas veins is not transferred to sweet innocent Harmony, I pray that Mikes good heart will overpower any of the venom that Amanda tries to transfuse to this sweet grandaughter of yours.

Love< Marcia   Bethany's Mom Forever  

[mpsmom]

Colleen, I am so sorry to hear that another "Brian" has joined our angels, my heart goes out to his family. Was he one of your co-workers? 

Hugs & Peace   Marcia    Bethany's Mom Forever

[briansdad]

I have only one thing to say. I hate motorcycles:(  They Suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They should be called murdercycles. I know many of you ride so please don't take offence. But a bike took my sons life and I'll not forget that.

[shorty16]

Everyone

Brian Polzin was a Design Engineer at ACA who also served on my team as an auditor.

He had piercing-blue eyes and no hair, but he made that look good.

Brian was so proud to be a first-time Dad.  Joylene - He named her.  "The Joy of my life"

My head is not together, it is locked-up on "How could a man who had the world by the tail die?"  He finally got his life together after a nasty divorce and now he is gone.

I am devasted for us, Brian is with our angels.

Brian, Bethany, Eri, Jason, Mike, Brian, Mike, Adam, Brian, Alex, Tanner, Kourtney, and all our other angels. please say Hi to Brian Polzin.  Give him a hug and tell him he will never be forgotten.

Colleen

[shorty16]

Greg

I agree, motorcycles are dangerous when not given the respect they deserve.

My friend, Brian did not wear a helmet and was known to drink and drive.  The accident was in a subdivision (about 5 miles from me), he went too fast for the curve and "went airborn."  Died at the hospital after flight-for-life took him.

Too many die on these machines?!?!

Please pray for his family

Colleen

[simonsmam]

It’s over a year since I posted on here. I read the threads daily to keep up with everyone and it is so sad to see so many newly bereaved parents joining us. I feel I want to answer everyone but seem to be lacking in mental energy.

I thought I would write on a positive note but underlying it there is of course great sadness. Reading Bonnie’s post made me feel I wanted to share my experience.

We lost our 27 year old son Simon in a road accident nearly 3 and half years ago. He had only been married for a year and 10 months but had been with Joanne for 9 years. She has been so brave in trying to make a new life for herself after such a devastating loss at such a young age. Her world and future as she had planned it was cruelly snatched away without warning. During the last 3 years she has overcome so much to complete her nurse’s training, get a job, move house and meet a new partner. She got married again in August and has found some happiness again.

We have given her our whole hearted support as a family.  She is too young to spend her life alone. She lost her dad in her early twenties and had no close male relative to put a strong arm around her. At least my 2 girls and I have our husbands to turn to. I cannot begin to imagine how you go out into the big bad world and start to rebuild every aspect of your life again ( although we all face a new life too I know).Her partner is a friend of Simon’s and was an usher in their wedding. We also know his family who knew Simon well too. Joanne’s new husband also grieves for Simon and feels guilty too. Joanne often calls him ’Simon’ by mistake which he totally understands. We haven’t felt ready to see them together on family occasions and he has understood when Joanne comes to see us alone. I have sent cards to both of them as a couple since they were engaged.

They got married abroad and then had an evening celebration a week later. Stephen and I, my 2 daughters and Stephen’s sister attended to give them our support and blessing. We didn’t know how we were going to be but everyone was so kind and caring .Many of them had been to Simon’s wedding and found it difficult too. You could see the compassion in their faces and they said such kind and thoughtful things. Joanne and her partner were so very pleased that we were there. She looked absolutely beautiful and deserves a future and some happiness. 

I have a very open and honest relationship with Joanne and have held her in my arms so often when we have both broken our hearts together. I find it hard to believe that we have lost Simon and survived for over 3 years. I am sure you all will understand that none of this has been easy. Underlying everything I have said there is so much heartache, pain, longing, guilt etc. I feel that by supporting Joanne we are carrying on Simon’s love for her and she will always feel like our daughter in law and will always be a part of our family. On her wedding night she thanked us for everything and said we were like parents to her and had helped to make her the person she is today. Lovely words, bless her.

Nothing has changed for us really, the worst thing happened when we lost Simon. It’s just good to see Joanne look healthier and stronger with a chance for a future with some happiness. I know she will never stop loving my Simon. Whatever happens, life unfortunately goes on and we as a family are trying to live it as best we can.    

Love to everyone,

Take care,

Avril xxx

 

[ericasmom]

Avril, good to see your name here, and I sure am praying for you all as you have learned new steps in this life after losing Simon.

Col, so sorry that you have lost a friend, and I will pray for you and for his family. He is on his way to our Babies, where he will be free. I know that the lives of many are shattered by his leaving, we all know that. Like so much broken glass. Prayers and more prayers.

Trudi, enough about Amanda is fine with me, but if you need to talk about her more feel free. She has sounded calculating and cold from the get-go. I am sorry that the Handsomest Boy who is anything but cold fell for one like her, except to say that Harmony was to be born, she has much to teach the world, and so Amanda needed to be here too. I will say however, that Lauren is gorgeous and very peaceful looking. There are reasons for things that we simply are not privy to aren't there?

Lynn, no photo but I sure get the message Sweetie. You have been away for some time, are you feeling okay? You went through a big anniversary and now climbing back tothe light of day can be daunting. I love you Lynn, thinking of your beautiful Kayla.

Greg, I too find motorcycles way too dangerous, though totally get it that folks love them. Be careful friends.

Love to every single one of you lovely people,

dee

[lolynbo]

MONTY HAS A CYCLE (ME TOO, MONTHLY SORRY HADA DO IT) BUT HE VERY SELDOM GETS TO RIDE HIS, I DONT RIDE WITH HIM, I FIGURE KODY AND KIMBERLY NEED ONE PARENT HERE...PPL JST DONT WATCH FOR THEM..I LIKE (THEY LOOK SILY) BUT THE BRIGHT COLORED NEON VESTS SOME CYCLERS WEAR..U CAN SEE THEM...THIS IS HIS MOTORCYCLE..

AND YES THEY SHOULD BE CALLED MURDERCYCLES...AND MONTY WILL NOT WEAR A HELMET...I HAVE BOUGHT HIM 2 OF THEM.

LYNN THAT JUST BROKE MY HEART WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE NOT WITH YOU...IM SO SORRY...MAYBE SHE WAS WITH YOU????

[lolynbo]

AS I SAID I WANT TO POST PICS..HERE IS MY GRANDSON AVERY...WITH A PIG NOSE...POOR BOY AND KIMBERLY

[summergirl]

Trudi - maybe enough said about Amanda but you know me - I have to say my peace on this subject - the wicked witch of the East, West, North and South !!  I am sooooo very sorry that your beautiful letter was received in such a brutal way, Amanda has no conscience, she is self-serving, selfish, egotistical, mean spirited and has the "it is all about me" attitude !!  Reading and then re-reading your posts brought my anger to a level where it has not been for some time and if I could write a letter to "her" I would and believe me I would not be nice.  You are the forgiving one, you will be the one Harmony seeks out when she is older, your Mike will make sure of that and she and you will have many walks and talks - she will come to know her GRANMA, the one we all know and love so dearly.   Strength my friend, strength - to go forward in this life you now live where you will keep HOPE alive.   I will not speak of Amanda again but I will always say "Harmony" for you and the day will come when you will post of your meeting her and the happiness in your heart.

Colleen - I am so sorry for the loss of your friend, prayers for all. It is so diffacult to understand the circle of life, those lost so suddenly, those left behind.

Avril - so wonderful to see you here after almost a year - one never really leaves do they??

Greg - I hate motorcycles too - used to love them and Barry and I used to ride every weekend - now I look at them and know I could never do it again. Lost a good friend of mine when I was young from a motorcycle accident - going to fast on a gravel road.    Your posts of one year and then five years - beautiful, tearful and yet the message to those new here so very essential - to know that life returns, the laughter, the smiles but the loss never leaves.

Tavian had a rough day - someone stole his bicycle and new "dragon" helmet from the school !! Barry was so upset. I will talk to the school tomorrow and see if they can send out a memo - probably will never see them again but at least I can try.  I can live with it but seeing the tears on Tavian's face is what broke my heart. Well, guess we will have to go to "Wally World" and buy a new bike when we go camping.

My back is better tonight but a rough day trying to get around, lots of pain when I sit so it was hard at work as I am on the computer alot and need to sit - the good thing was that I got my new chair at work today and it was much more comfortable !!!

Going to start a new book tonight - just finished the series of "Twilight", very different but very good.

Love, peace, sweet dreams my friends - Kathy

[summergirl]

Lorrie - love, love all the pics - post as many as you want !!!

[daveydow1]

Betsy----I have kept a journal ever since  David passed, and sometimes

I have noted memories in my entries, so I guess I have them both

incorporated in one place. I don't write every day......just when I feel

the need.  I do think that a 'memory journal '  is a good idea, though.

It could be started anytime, really, because we will always have our memories,

won't we?   Peace & comfort to you.

      daveysmom, Sherry

[heartbeataway]

Avril,

I wish that Jason's fiancee could have remained a part of our life too. We even said in our eulogy to Jason that she would always be a part of our family.

She started securing what she wanted before his memorial.  We listened to her on the phone, call after call taking his name off things, trying to transfer points from his business card to one of hers, etc.

The morning of his memorial, she went and had a pedicure. I found that really, really odd. My toes were the last thing on my mind at that point.

I was waking up during the night after sitting in bed writing Jason's eulogy trying to hold my sobs so that Rich could sleep. Only to have him put his arms around me and hold me as his sobs joined mine.

Sunday, the day after he left, I walked past her bedroom and she was talking to her two aunts about money. Rich and I paid for Jason's memorial and even paid some of their personal expenses as a hold was put on his business account. After she called the bank, told him he died and tried to put it in her name!

She went shopping with his American Express and we got to pay that bill too!  She thought that since they were engaged, everything was hers.

If we had not been there two weeks before and if Jason had not expressed his desire to have a pre-nup to protect his business we probably would have thought differently about some things.

We had basically decided that we would keep her going for six months to give her time.

But after sitting through screaming profanity laden tirades, we began to realize that she was more upset that she couldn't get her hands on his money and his business.

She wanted his Rubican so she could go jeeping with his friends ....... later she said she needed it so she could sell it and use the money.

She had both the business and his personal phone disconnected, waited three days and then called her lawyer.  Three days is normally the length of time when you can't get them back.  We were able too thank goodness.  We did lose his messages though.

We stayed at the house for over  a month with her and she progressively got worst including locking us out on a day she knew we had been to The Pinnacle and needed to shower and change for dinner.  There was a key normally in a lock box outside but it was missing. We remembered that Jason had an opener in his truck for the garage and luckily the door from the garage to the kitchen was open.

When we came in at night all lights would be turned off ....

We took Jason's safe when we took his toys, etc ....

It was taken to our attorney's office.  When she was contacted for the combination, she gave one.  It didn't work.  She wouldn't give the right one until we agreed to let her be there when she opened it and take what she wanted from it.

She had put some of her things in it and so the attorneys made a list of everything and noted what she took. 

All of his friends knew that he kept money in his safe and had recently disclosed the amount to someone. And as some folks save pennies, Jason saved dollar bills.  He supposedly had a huge roll of one dollar bills.  That was gone too.

We really don't even care about that ..... if she needed it. We're glad it was there for her.

We tried, we really tried to be understanding and patient.  We quickly realized that she wanted us to leave so she could go with her life.  She even told us that the counselor she was seeing told her that it wasn't unusual for young people to meet someone quickly after loss. The counselor met her husband within three weeks after his wife died and they married in less than six months.

Yes, I wish things had been different and I did not expect her to stay alone forever. I did think that dating again before the day she and Jay would have been married a little too much.

But, that part of life is over.  I would like for all the river rock with messages to him that were written on his memorial day to make their way to his memorial location.

I can so get carried away with this  ......... so, that's enough.

Good to see you posting.

Be well,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[daveydow1]

MaryAnn----Sorry to hear you are having a 'down' time right now. As

others have said......it's like being on a roller coaster...especially in the

early days, weeks, and months.  I'm glad you finished your dear Brian's

banner and got it sent. Your dear son will surely see it flying along with

all the other angel banners, and will be smiling down to warm and soothe

your poor aching heart. Peace to you, friend.

     Sherry

Colleen----Thoughts & prayers for  all the family & friends of Brian who

sadly died in a motorcycle accident. Prayers & Peace.

Lorrie----Great pic.....you all look like you're having a nice time.

Avril----Good to see you back at BI. Peace & comfort.

              

              Sherry

[heartbeataway]

Mary Ann ...... keep talking ..... I think it helps to share your heart.

Colleen,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend, Brian. News like this can be a set back. Are you doing okay?

Trudi,

Harmony is beautiful!  I received Mike's flag banner today. Beautiful!  I can't tell you how touching it is to open these when they arrive. And each one is uniquely different and special.  I need to keep your note with the explanation of the different pictures and symbols. Very touching!

We have our first home visit tomorrow morning.  Our house is a total disaster! We have spent so much time getting files together for our attorney that everything else has been on the back burner.

So, if dust bunnies count against me ....... I could be in trouble! ;-)

Nite all!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[mikesmum]

Bonnie - Glad the flag got to you.  Re - dust bunnies, they are a sign of a happy home......well that's my theory...Good luck tomorrow.

Marcia and all - It is hard to think of Mike with someone as cold and disconnected as Amanda was and still is.  Yes I hope with all my heart that Mikes genetics of love, care and understanding can shine through.

[homeschoolmom]

Bonnie,

When we had our home study two and a half years ago, I was so nervous, I nearly made myself sick. Our home was SPOTLESS...yet the Social Worker barely noticed!! All that for nothing  Oh well, at least I didn't have to clean for a while after. THAT was nice. I think she just wanted to see the layout of the house, ensure there was space for Akiem (a bed), and generally that the place wasn't falling down around our ears.

Hugs,

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

[homeschoolmom]

MaryAnne, thanks for the compliment on Rohan's pic. We were at the beach here in Jamaica, and he was having a blast. Summer 2008. A lifetime ago.

Shelly

[homeschoolmom]

Well, as we get closer to actually returning to FL, the anxiety is starting to get the better of me. This is the first time Akiem is going home with us, and while I packed Rohan's things on a trip earlier in the year, they are in boxes in his closet. I guess Akiem's closet now.  I had taken down his dino stuff, and put up the transportation pics and such that he had before. It isn't that I want to keep his room as a shrine, but I wonder how it'll feel going in to tuck Akiem in instead... this is hard. While we have been here in Jamaica, Akiem has carved out his spot in our hearts and in our home... now we get to "start over" and I worry about the transition. Maybe I just worry too much!

Shelly

[calebsmomma]

I'm so sorry to hear about all the hateful things people that your children loved and had in their lives did to you all...Why is it at a time when people need to come together they let greed get in the way.

Fortunately I didn't have to deal with this from Caleb's friends...except one, his ex girlfriend started spreading that she was pregnant with Caleb's baby. they hadn't been together in six months and she wasn't showing. I basically let it known that if she was pregnant I was going to sue for custody on Caleb's behalf as she was barely 16 and quit school her freshman year and suddenly the rumors stopped and guess what ? never was a baby. She just wanted attention.

The true love of Caleb's life we've had to encourage to go on, and build memories with others. She is always a part of our life and family and she knows that and has even stayed with us from time to time. We love her as if she were our daughter and have had to honor of representing her as her parents at different functions.

And of course I have to live and deal with my Mother in law who said to me and her niece the day after I buried Caleb that her first thought when she heard there was an accident was, "Thank God it was Caleb and NOT Wes." Which I replied, I guess thats cause its my baby and not yours.  Wes is my beloved husband and Caleb's father and would have given anything to have the power to trade his life for Caleb's as I would have.

But all in all, I've had more compassion from people than pain. And I can only imagine what you all are dealing with. All I can say is I'm sorry and my heart goes out to you. The love of money is the root of all evil and think about what kind of lives your children would have had with these hateful people. If you are a praying person, pray for the power to forgive them..(I'm still praying for that with my MIL), and know that your children will love you for it.

[zachysmom]

I have a bit of good news today. Last week I called the company who took my sons' school pictures to ask them a question. I wanted to know if I ordered the disk with my boys' picture on it if I could take it some where and have prints made. When I told them why they told me they would send out a package at no charge. I couldn't believe it till I got them today. My husband cried when he saw them so did I.

Thank you Lifetouch!

[hotrod]

Zachysmom  

 

I am so happy for you. and  I am sure you and your husband will treasure these memories.

 

I am always touched by  the compassion that strangers are capable of. 

 

Thank you for sharing this uplifting event

[mikesmomrs]

Beth:  I am so glad that Lifetouch responded in such a kind way...I have heard that it is a really good, family-oriented company, and I guess that is one of the ways that they show it.  I know that you were happy to get the pics...finding a picture of our precious child that we didn't have before is like a gift that goes on and on each time we look at it.  I am happy for you and Zachy's dad.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[heartbeataway]

Beth,

I'm overjoyed that you have Zach's school pictures! Way to go Lifetouch!

Shelly,

I will lift you up as you face these new challenges with your travel to Florida. Did Rohan and play together?  Follow your heart on sharing Rohan's space. I wouldn't do it until you know you're strong enough.

Our first home visit for foster care went well ...... we think. There were questions and Jason came up. At one point towards the end of the visit, Jason came up again and Rich started crying. We were talking about his relationship with Jason and tears came to his eyes and then I realized that it was more ....... I took his arm and turned him into the kitchen.  He couldn't finish his sentence and tears rolled down his cheeks.  The social worker teared up and hugged him as she told him she was sorry. It took me by surprise and touched my heart. When he could talk again he just said, I miss him so much.

Whew! .........

I made Shepherd's Pie for dinner and it's ready ...... I am so hungry!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[summergirl]

Beth - way to go Lifetouch !!  I am so happy for you, what a beautiful treasure for you - pictures always have a story to tell.

To those of you who have had to deal with the "ex", I am so sorry - your postings bring me to tears for the pain you had to deal with on top of the worst nightmare we can go through. I am proud of your strength to be able to forgive, not forget because I do not think you can forget something that occured at the same time as losing your child. I pray for peace for you, always in my heart.

Had to take Tavian for his school physical today - he is right on for someone his age except for his height - his is tall - 53 and 1/2 inches !! He was so excited.  On the way home we were listening to the radio and the song "Believers" came on and I happpened to look at the car coming toward us and my heart jumped, was sent back in time - it was Jessica's car !!   Believers - a sign????   I thought of what Greg posted about writing our memories down, to begin with just a few words and before I knew it I was putting together an entire memory of "Jessica and her car" !! It was so beautiful and bittersweet.  BI, my home, my heart, my friends - love you all.

Back still hurting but better - off tomorrow after work for our camping trip. I am going to take my laptop as they have optimum wifi and I am hoping to be close enough to get on and talk - HOPE!!

Sweet, sweet dreams my friends. Kathy

[mysonrich]

good morning BI family, following doctors orders yesterday to get out and about more I took a drive along the Susquehanna River, following Suvillans March, if anyone is familiar with that late 1700 history. What I can say, is boy, did Suvillan march..anyway, when the dark curtain that I feel at times started to block the beautiful view I started on the memory, good memories.

 

When Rich was 19 or there about he called me one day and said " Mom, I'm in Pittsburgh,Pa".  My first thought, "why is Rich in Pittsburgh". Seems he and a couple friends decided to go for a ride, no map, no real plan, but off they went. He wanted to visit a friend in college and travel on to visit my mom. I said " Rich, you forgot to turn right somewhere. Grammy lives north of where you are now, around 3 hours away."     I think he meant to pick up 80w and missed it somehow.

 

Off they go. I receive another call. " Mom, we are in Williamsport,Pa",,,, just another north...Good, they made it. Rich looked up his friend and traveled on. I told him to make calls then and there because of lack of cell phone coverage.

 

They had a good visit with my mom and other family. He loved my mom so much .  He made his way home.  He wanted to drive across the county right after HS, I still wish he had tried that.

 

As far as the Black Cloud/curtain, I'll keep shoving that aside but some days it sure is heavy.

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[ericasmom]

Betsy, good for you trying to shove that dark old curtain to the side. Blessings as you travel both figuratively and actual. It sounds like a pretty drive. I too am happy for the experiences ERi did have before she died, going to Bonarroo in Tennessee for a 3 day concert...all the stuff she was able to experience, ziplining in Costa Rica, parisailing, falling in love...I just love her beyond words and miss her great physical presence, but her angel-like presence is about adn for that I am most grateful.

Beth, Right on witht he photos. Good for you guys.

Shelly, take your time, some of the instinct you have will show itself as you go, until then let it go if you can. You have so much in your heart, I do believe it will direct your actions.

Bonnie, I have tears thinking of how Rich felt when he couldn't answer. We have all been there haven't we and he was able to lean on you which is great. Sheperds pie, sounds great.

Calebsmom, I am glad that you have mostly met compassion, I have been lucky in that way as well. Blessings to you and the family each day.

Dee

[mysonrich]

Dee, I've heard of that concert. It must have been a great time for Eri.

 

Calebsmom,  I'm sorry you had to hear those words. people are just so callous aren't they. Thankfully you have those around you that are compassionate. The MIL, she needs "a smack upside the head"...forgiveness, not always an easy task.

 

Shelly, powerfully mixed emotions I'm sure and a struggle in your heart.

 

[mikesmomrs]

Betsy:  thank you so much for sharing your memories of Rich...It sounds like he had a good time, and didn't mind finding his way to where he wanted to be...I am sure these memories bring up similar memories in many of us...Mike, too, had his wanderlust moments...he decided one night, at 8pm, that he was leaving the next day for California--(he was 24 at the time and in a very uncertain place in his life)...something he'd long wanted to do, but for many good reasons, couldn't/didn't.    We had to believe that this was something that he needed to do, and as with many things in Mike's life, everything worked out in the end the way it should...  It's a long story, but the short of it is that we got him an 800 number so he could call us...and he called, every day!  Sometimes it was only for a minute to tell us where he was, and sometimes it was at 3 am, our time, to tell us things like "I'm standing on Gene Roddenberry's Star, dad!" on the "walk of stars" in Hollywood...(Gene Roddenberry is the creator of STar Trek, which was a love that Mike shared with his dad since a young boy)  He kept us on our toes that whole six weeks before he finally decided (thank God!) that what he really wanted was right here, where he'd left it, and came home.  (Less than 2 weeks after he came home, he had his first grand mal seizure, which eventually led to his passing of brain cancer, 6years later.)

Kathy, I am glad you had the sign from Jessica...and surely it was a sign..."Believing," playing along with seeing her car...I am glad it triggered a sweet memory for you to share and then to write about. 

Mike's middle son, Kameron, had a sign from his dad the other day and he always gets excited when he sees signs from his dad.  His other grandmother told me (Kameron lives with her and his mom) that Kam frequently talks to his dad, or will say something like "Hey, dad," when he sees a heart or a blue VW...Kam decided that "his" VW from his dad is blue...the other day, Kam and his grandma were in the car, and they were discussing Mike's leaving for California.  Kameron knows about the trip, but was too young at the time (only 2) to remember it.  He does, however, know that it was the thought of not being able to see his boys that brought Mike back home from his wanderings...the song  "Sometimes Goodbye Means a Second Chance" came on the radio...Kameron very much likes this song and likens the "Second Chance" to his dad's coming home from California...he told his grandma..."I don't want to listen to this right now," and pressed the button to change the station...the new station was playing the very same song.  Kam went to press the button again, and his grandma asked "Do you really want to do that?"  Kam pulled his hand back and said "Well, I guess not; I guess dad really wants me to hear this song right now, so I guess dad connects this song to his trip, too."

I really like Greg's idea about writing things down...I haven't kept an "official" journal, but have written many things down, and I do think that our memories can blur, so it is important to write it down when we think of it, whatever it might be at the time. 

Bonnie:  My heart hurts reading of Rich's tears...sending out prayers for strength for both of you...I am so glad that you were there to be with him. 

Shelly:  as others have said, follow your heart, take your time.  You are dealing with so much right now...

Calebsmom:  MIL is a gem!!!   I too am glad you've had comfort from others, and also glad that you were able to forgive her, but forgetting is difficult. 

Sonya:  thank you for your words of Mike's upcoming angelversary next week...will be thinking of and praying for you this Sunday...I pray Danielle will only allow sweet memories through to warm your heart and surround you with peace.  

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs 

[cameronsmom1]

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I don't really have time to catch up on all the post so I just wanted to ask you all to keep me in your prayers. I went to the doctor yesterday and they had to do blood work because there is protein and bilirubin in my urine. I'm not really sure what this means but he said its not normal so that scares me.  I should know the results later on today or tomorrow.

I also wanted to tell you all about my baby shower plans. I am pretty excited about it. We are calling it Not-your-average baby shower. And I am making it more of a girls night so that I can hang out with my friends before the baby comes. I have requested that they bring gift cards rather than gifts but if they end up bringing gifts I won't argue with that either. They can also bring diapers and be entered in the drawing to win a gift basket from bath and body. We will decorate like a baby shower but with a twist. I have scheduled for a woman to come over from pure romance which is a company that does parties for adults...toys, lotions, lubricants, lingerie...you get the point!! LOL The theme is the fun of making babies!! I have went to one of these before and it was a lot of fun. But we will also have karaoke, snacks, games, movies and just have a lot of fun with my friends. I wish you all were closer so you could come too. Lorri I will be sending you an invite since you are in ardmore so be looking for it, hope you can make it.

Amanda

[ericasmom]

Betsy, it was the best time of her life she said. Her going was heaven sent as well as I tried to get her a 200.00 ticket as a birthday gift for her, but they were sold out. She was sad but she moved on. Well when the envelope came for her girlfriend's tickets, inside were 6 instead of 5. Eri drove everyone in her ancient cadillac, inherited from Grandmom. She came back looking much like PigPen from Charlie Brown, and announced that," it was the best time I have ever in my life had...and I am going back next year. "

I am so glad that she was able to go, that she was meant to go.

Hey Everyone, a new Mom to this sadness may start to post. Her name is Diane and she lost her Son 2.5 weeks ago. I wrote to her in response to her email today, and left her this link. I am a writing buddy of her cousin Janice. Janice wrote me a few weeks ago that her cousins child died suddenly. I hope that Diane will join us, she does not live too far from me I think. I was glad that she reached out at such an early point in her grief, and so I encouraged her to meet all of you as I know that there are no finer folks for her to be supported by.

Thanks,

dee

Amanda, the shower sounds perfect. Have fun.

[lolynbo]

SO I WAS VISITING BRENTS MYSPACE YEST AND I NOTICED A POST KOURTNEY HAD WRITTEN TO HIM..JUST 2 YRS AGO NOW...WERE COMING UP ON 2 YRS SINCE WE FOUND OUT, IT WAS THIS TIME OF YEAR, DRIZZLY COLD AND DEPRESSING...THIS IS WHAT SHE WROTE HIM:

Oct 1, 2007 3:55 PM

hey i am so ready to go home i still cant believe my ear is still hurting freakin sucks man...i love u and i am sorry about this weekend if i was there it wouldnt have happened and u know that...love ya baby!!!!!!!!!!!

HERE IS A PIC I(IVE SHOWED YAL B4, OF HER A FEW WEEKS LATER, NOTICE SHE IS MESSIN WITH HER EAR???!!

MAYBE IF I ONLY KNEW????

 

[mpsmom]

Lorri, There is nothing you could have done... know that now she is safe and happy and healthy and free from anything ever hurting her again. 

Hugs, Marcia    Bethany's Mom Forever

[mikesmomrs]

Lorri:  I agree with Marcia...you couldn't have done anymore than you did...and most importantly, we know they are now pain-free and happy.  When Mmike was first diagnosed, all his dad and I could think of was that we wanted it to be us and not him...he had his whole life ahead of him...he'd just had a new baby, just recently gotten married and had landed a really good job with a great company...he had pretty much everything he'd always wanted...Mike's seizures had increased and he was having trouble walking...the ER nurse asked me why we "waited so long to bring him in"...talk about guilt and regret...it took me a looooonnnngggg time and lots of therapy to get past that...

I think it's like Marcia and many here have said...we must take comfort in the fact that we know they are now safe, with no more illness, no more pain...they are perfect...and keep on remembering that we will see them again one day.  I know that that does not always help, but we must make it help, even when we don't want to hear it.  Right now, with Mike's angelversary just eight days from now, I don't want to hear it, but I must keep reminding myself of it anyway...my heart goes out to you...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[mpsmom]

Carol, holding you close as "that" date approaches. 

Love & Hugs, Marcia   Bethany's Mom Forever

[lolynbo]

THANKS CAROL AND MARCIA...I HAVE ALWAYS REMEMBERED PPL SAYIN "WHY DONT YOU GO TO THIS STATE AND WHY DONT YO GO TO THIS DOC, AND ARE THEY TRYING THIS..".YOU NO INTERNET PPL OR TV PPL THAT THINK THEY KNOW IT ALL, IM JUST IN A BLAH MOOD, LIKE I SAID ITS THAT TIME OF YR WE FOUND IT, AND HERE WE GO AGAIN.....

WE ALWAYS TRICKER TREATED, ME , MONTY, KODY, KOURTNEY, BRENT, HALIE AND CHRIS...WE ALL DRESSED UP AND WENT OUT JUST LIKE LIL KIDS TO GET CANDY...MAYBE I CAN FIND A PIC OF US DRESS UP WITH KOURTNEY..I USE TO JUST LOVE HALLOWEEN...A FRIEND ASKED ME WHAT WE WERE DOING THIS YR AND I SAID ,"NOTHING" , ITS NO THE SAME AND NEVER WILL BE.

WELL I  DIDNT FIND ANY PICS., THATS ABOUT RIGHT..

[ericasmom]

Carol, indeed sometimes we do have to force it to work. Bless you for reminding us that there are times that we do force our way back into the day, there are other times when we simply need to draw the curtains and mourn, grieve deeply and hope for a better feeling in a day or two. As you approach this angelversary, know that Mike is rooting for you all as well. He is your biggest fan, cheering you on as though you are the Red Sox Team, His wonderful family filled with all of his favorite players. It feels like you are running the bases some days I know, but eventually, you do make it home...one day we make it all the way home to our Kids. Until that day, our home on Earth is here and everywhere we choose to spend our time and our energy. You do make it as happy a home as possible for your grandies and you.

Lorri, what could you have done differently? Knowing earlier may have meant more surgeries, not a cure. Second guessing now and even then would not change the sad outcome that Kourtney would die from her illness. It does suck, it SUCKS! We can't change the outcome, we can however, hope for cures, we can raise money for cures and for assistance to those who need help with their diagnosis. WE can do many things with the love and energy of our Babies with us and thus, change someone's life for the better. When we do that, we are blessing our Baby with our love. Living strong means to live it well, to live it hard and strong to make a difference. NOPE, we don't get to have them back though we all wished that it would happen, half way thought our wishing so hard could produce our child again, but no. What we have is a sad and hurt heart and time to do something each day to honor our Kids. It is that time of year that starts the memories of sadness for you, and I so wish you never had a time such as this. Kourtney is holding you so close Lorri, she knows how you ache. Maybe a costume ball at Kourtney's Kloset?

love to all,

dee

[shorty16]

Hi Everyone on BI

Just a note to say Hello.  We are all well.  Aaron has Homecoming with his Illinios g/f Saturday.  He is doing very well.

Thinking of all of you

Very tired

Colleen

[summergirl]

Carol, thank you, I believe it was a sign also - magic.

Lorrie - as all have said there is nothing you could have done otherwise you would not be here. I am so glad you have some e-mails from your dear Kourtney, even if they make you cry you will always treasure them. I have quite a few from Jessica and read them now and then. One was a little thing they did among friends, I will copy and post it for you guys, so sweet. I hate that any of us are here but I am thankful every day for all of you. Find that pic, I would love to see all of you in your Halloween costumes!!

Home alone tonight - I decided to let the "guys" have the first night camping with just the 2 of them. I called around 7 and they were sitting by the campfire. Tavian said he was having fun and he was a big help to Pop-Pop with setting the camper up, he loves to help put the braces down etc.  He said he and pop-pop were going to watch a movie later and then he said I love you Mi-Mi and see you in the morning. I am so proud of him because he usually gets upset if I am not there at night time - he is getting to be quite the little man. I love him so.  So quiet here !!!

Today I have been married for 36 years to my wonderful husband !! Hard to believe it is 36 years - I would marry him all over again.

Missing my Jessica so much - it slams me like a wrecking ball, knocks me to my knees. I have a friend here who is looking to move away from here to Maryland - been here all his life but said there is nothing for him here anymore. I told him I have thought about moving to a nice little farm back where my family is but I can never leave mu Jessica here - may sound crazy to some people but I cannot imagine not visiting her place - so New York is where we will stay.

Marcia - hope you are doing better and things have calmed down.

Trudi - thinking about you as you face the the battle ahead of you.

Always in my prayers, sleep well.  Kathy

[arc4ever]

Lorri honey, there is nothing that you could have done.  Please try to remember and take comfort in that.

I wanted to give an update on my friend's brother who was hit while on his motorcycle Friday night.  He is not progressing, and they did another CT scan today which showed he had had a stroke (they could not see it prior because of the swelling in the brain so bad).  Tomorrow afternoon the family is removing him from all medines/machines, etc. and let him go to God.  Please say an extra prayer of comfort over the next 24 hours, we will see how it goes.  There is no telling how long he will hold on.  But just a few extra prayers for comfort, for a peaceful transition and for love for his family.  Hopefully his brother Pete and two newphews and niece will be waiting for him once he transitions.  (And maybe my angel Adam and a few of your angels - as we hope they have all become friends and will welcome in a friend of a friend   ) His name is Mike Stegler.  Friends call him Tattoo Mike.

Thank you, Terrie (Adam's mom)

[daveydow1]

Calebsmomma----I'm sorry that your mother-in-law said such an

insensitive hurtful thing to you when Caleb passed. Such a thoughtless

and pain-causing thing to say. I, too, have had that experience....when

my Lisa died at age 6 mo. an woman I had been friends with came to the

wake, (and she had a baby boy not much older than my baby), she said

"I had a dream that when I saw her in the little white casket, that it would

be my baby----I'm so relieved" ).  I have not been close to

this nightmare of a woman since---that was many years ago. People do say

the most appaling and ignorant things to parents of a beloved child who has

passed. I guess many times it is just thoughtlessness, but other times they

should know better. They should just say 'I'm sorry', and move on. I'm sorry

for you and all your heartache. Peace and prayers to you.

          Daveysmom,  Sherry