Loss of an Adult Child

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz, thinking about you this month. 

[Changed]

Hi Carol,  thank you for that.    It was David’s birthday earlier this month - as  you had last month for Mason’s birthday  - we know all it brings to our hearts.   We lost David the last day of November - very close to when you lost beautiful Mason -   so painful and heavy a load .  I know that Virginia too shares the upcoming anguish of dates as we approach Christmas. 

How did Maddie’s move go - smooth and exciting I hope.   It’s a big step  - good for her. 

I was thinking about you saying that you still have a struggle with your thoughts before falling asleep - I have a method that I use and it allows me to switch off all that is in my head - it doesn’t always work - depending on what I’m worried about - but it does let me stop going over and over David’s death  (I’m  carrying that with me always , anyway,  but I need to rest my mind before I sleep - so do you love).   
I used to look out into the night before I went to bed and thought of David travelling ,  or later  , when he settled in Australia -  thinking of what he was up to .   I carried on doing that in the years following his death  but realised it was really distressing me and offered no comfort any more - so I’ve stopped doing that - I was just punishing myself .

We all have to navigate this horrible road of grief - lots is hidden from view .   I do my best trying to be there for the family, trying to make sense of my emotions  and recognising who I am now - it’s certainly not who David knew. 
Take care , love Roz.

[Michael Rodriguez]

roz, that is so true , we are no longer what our kids left behind, we are broken and as much as we try to hide what our feelings are , they always come out. first few months after B left us i would ask with the strongest of convictions for a sign that where he was , he was ok. i still, at times keep on asking for that sign.

[Matthew48]

2 hours ago, Michael Rodriguez said:

roz, that is so true , we are no longer what our kids left behind, we are broken and as much as we try to hide what our feelings are , they always come out. first few months after B left us i would ask with the strongest of convictions for a sign that where he was , he was ok. i still, at times keep on asking for that sign.

Hello. How are you?

I only usually post in the loss of parent section, but I decided to venture over to other subforums to see what's being said/discussed.

You said something that really rings true with me: "We are broken, and as much as we try to hide what our feelings are, they always come out."  That's so very true. I have a lot of grief that manifests as anger. Our society doesn't allow people to grieve properly, so we always have to put on a "nice face" for everyone. 

People will ask you how you are. If you are honest, they get offended.

By the way, I'm in my second year of grief after losing my mother (suffered a stroke/seizures) in her early 70s. She died two years later from hospital-induced sepsis.

My father and I felt abandoned while caring for my mother after her stroke by her own siblings. That's another issue I have. Then, when she died, her sisters became vicious with me and my mother over nothing. It was terrible. All of them but one have stopped talking to us. 

I lost my mother twice: after the stroke, and two years later in death from sepsis. She was never the same after her stroke, even though she recovered very well physically. Her mind started to go, even though she retained some of her old personality traits and could still read and be sharp about things. 

I thought things would get better in the second year -- boy, did I get a surprise!  In some ways, I'm a little better, but in many ways, I'm worse. The pain never stops. I always think I'm going to wake up someday and there she'll be in her kitchen. Not going to happen in this lifetime. I know that she was not young or middle-aged, but I always think I could have had her for another 10-15 years or so.

Sorry to post on here about my mother -- I know this section is only for people who have lost children. But your words really stood out to me as as true.

In closing, I know you live through terrible pain every day. I suppose the only consolation is knowing that other people are feeling tremendous grief, too. It's part of the human experience.

Please take care of yourself. I wish you true peace and healing.

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

36 minutes ago, Matthew48 said:

Hello. How are you?

I only usually post in the loss of parent section, but I decided to venture over to other subforums to see what's being said/discussed.

You said something that really rings true with me: "We are broken, and as much as we try to hide what our feelings are, they always come out."  That's so very true. I have a lot of grief that manifests as anger. Our society doesn't allow people to grieve properly, so we always have to put on a "nice face" for everyone. 

People will ask you how you are. If you are honest, they get offended.

By the way, I'm in my second year of grief after losing my mother (suffered a stroke/seizures) in her early 70s. She died two years later from hospital-induced sepsis.

My father and I felt abandoned while caring for my mother after her stroke by her own siblings. That's another issue I have. Then, when she died, her sisters became vicious with me and my mother over nothing. It was terrible. All of them but one have stopped talking to us. 

I lost my mother twice: after the stroke, and two years later in death from sepsis. She was never the same after her stroke, even though she recovered very well physically. Her mind started to go, even though she retained some of her old personality traits and could still read and be sharp about things. 

I thought things would get better in the second year -- boy, did I get a surprise!  In some ways, I'm a little better, but in many ways, I'm worse. The pain never stops. I always think I'm going to wake up someday and there she'll be in her kitchen. Not going to happen in this lifetime. I know that she was not young or middle-aged, but I always think I could have had her for another 10-15 years or so.

Sorry to post on here about my mother -- I know this section is only for people who have lost children. But your words really stood out to me as as true.

In closing, I know you live through terrible pain every day. I suppose the only consolation is knowing that other people are feeling tremendous grief, too. It's part of the human experience.

Please take care of yourself. I wish you true peace and healing.

 

thanks for sharing, so sad about your mother mine passed away back in nov 4 2008 , the day that president obama won the elections. i wish she was here , she passed at the tender age of 89 yrs old. my dad passed at 71 back in 1985...i was 22 yrs old at the time, so that was tough

[NiquesMom]

Oh it is so true that we will never be the same person.

Sometimes I get a glimpse of the old me, but lots of times I miss her, she didn't know how good she had it.

My mom died in 1999 (shocked me that this was 25 years she has been gone, I was only 19 when she died, I had her less time alive), and I remember thinking that was the worst pain I would ever feel.

Then my dad died in 2014, my daughter died 2017, and my husband 2022. 

I miss them all in different ways, at different times. And I actually miss my husband most now, I think because it's the most recent loss. 

I know we never get over the losses, but I can see lots of times when I am able to function fully without the stabbing pain. But never a day passes that I don't think of one of them, or multiple of them.

The holidays are coming and normally I try to be away from home since it is so empty, just me and my son. This year we will be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas so will see how depressed I get.