Loss of an Adult Child

[Jeff's Mom]

Another pic of my youngest granddaughter. She is anxiously awaiting the ski season. We noted that she is a huge lover of bubble gum pink...all things pink from what we have been told.

Thinking of everyone. Love to All.

 

Kate

 

 

[TearsInHeaven]

On 12/15/2015 at 5:34 PM, Jeff's Mom said:

 

I would like to share  story with you that happened to me a couple of years ago. Now I know that some will say it is not possible. However, if it brings even a shred of comfort to anyone at this time then it is worth telling again. I have had my fair share of ups and downs in my life..as we all have. After Jeff died my mother-in-law was diagnosed with colon cancer. She was not given much time to live. She fought like a trooper and it was a long hard battle to witness. She passed away in the spring and I felt I could now finally focus on mourning my son. I was finally hit head on by the actual reality of his loss.  In November of that year a good friend that was a personal assistant to our priest asked me to have lunch with her. The day was a typical November day that was very gloomy and it was pouring cats and dogs. When she arrived she asked me where I would like to go for lunch and we decided to go to  small Tea House in a town that is approximately 40 minutes from our home. When we arrived  she dropped me at the door as it was still raining quite hard. I walked in to ask for a table. I was surprised to see that the place was packed. The waitress told me that they had a table in the small summer back room that was  quite comfortable despite the weather. We were seated in a corner at the back of the room. We settled in for a nice and leisurely lunch and visit. About half way through our lunch  two women walked into the room with a small boy. They were approximately in their thirties. Very average looking and in no way showy as to cause attention. One woman started to look at me. I started to become uncomfortable after a period of time. The way you do when you wonder if you have spinach in your teeth or something equally as silly. After they finished their meal one woman rose to take the little boy out of the room. This other woman that was looking at me rose and hesitantly started to walk towards our table. She then told us that she had a message for me. My friend instantly thought it was for her... as her elderly mom had passed away within the past year. She shook her head and then told me that it was definitely for me. She asked me if I had had a young man pass away recently. My knees started to shake and I felt faint. She then proceeded to tell me that he wanted me to know that he was "OK". My friend reached over and touched my hand and asked if I was alright. I then asked this woman if she did this for a living. She told me  "NO". That she just had this message to give me and then walked out of the room. Well I have to say it took me some time to compose myself. I was actually shaken up for a few weeks after that. But in a good way. What I did not know was that in January of that year my husband was going to be diagnosed with end stage three colon cancer and would require surgery and chemo. That message is what I held on to with all of my might when we went through those next several months. As a normal skeptic  even my husband could not explain the event that occurred that day in November except to say that it was a gift sent to give us support and hope. Do miracles occur? You bet they do! Life does not end after this one.  And we will see them again.

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thank you to all of those who posted pics...I loved the baby Preston in his Pumpkin suit! All the pics were so very nice to look at tonight.

My youngest Thomas, had back surgery on Friday for a ruptured disc on the C5. So far he is doing very well, they sent him home the next day which I am surprised that it could be done so soon. In the mornings, I am going over there to help him and my grandson Benton. 

Sending gentle thoughts to all. 

Leah, I too echo Dee's thoughts and would hope you could stop "in" once in a while. It is like a special treat to read a post from someone who hasn't been on in a while. Wishing you peace and comfort. 

 

[Jeff's Mom]

Yes, that was the post that I had hoped to copy for people to take comfort from. Thank you so much for saving me the trouble. Much appreciated. I would like to add that many times since that day we have both found such strength to help us over those rough patches.

Laurie, oh my...how much can one person have on their plate to deal with? I am so pleased to see that the surgery was a success. Please take care of yourself and remember that everyone here is behind you in all that you are going through. Take care.

 

Wishing you all a peaceful night. Kate

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

First I would like to say, I love seeing all of the wonderful pics of the angels and little ones here. It helps me get through my long days.  I pray daily for those that are new and old here.  Plz keep taking care of yourselves.  I don't reply much to posts here but however I do read them daily.  

Mom had to go to the hospital yesterday and her Dr called me this evening saying that it is time for hospice.  It seems that the cancer in her liver has found its way around the chemo and he feels that it is causing more harm than good to continue treatments.  I was thrown back by this news since he originally  told us that she would have 6 mths with and 3 without the chemo.  We have been battling delirium more lately which has taken its toll on me.  I'm beginning to wonder if I can actually do this. I'm scared of what her dying in Ricky's room is going to do to me mentally.  I haven't been able to go to his cross since she was diagnosed in Sept and it pains me terribly.  I so miss him more each day.  Halloween was one of his favorite holidays and my husband decorated the house today while mom and I slept most of the day.  My nightmares have come back and are now more vivid than ever.  I didn't sleep much lastnight cause I kept waking up crying.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring and my daughter feels like I never have time for her.  She has decided to name the baby Lucas instead of Elijah.  We are giving her a baby shower on the 13th, hopefully, if all goes well.  I just feel like my whole world has turnt upside down.  I honestly felt like giving in lastnight but then I thought, who would take care of mom? I feel like I'm literally losing my mind.  I got a speeding ticket and was supposed to call within 11 days, that didn't happen so now I'm hoping when I call tomorrow they will still let me do defensive driving.  I can't afford to have it go on my record and raise my insurance.  My husband is lost on what to do for me cause I don't know how to tell him what I'm thinking or what I need from him.  I went to a therapy class but it wasn't what I needed.  I don't even know what I need or want anymore.  I just want the pain and emptiness to go away.  I can't lose my son and mom in the same yr.  I am so terrified of myself and don't know how to ask for help.  I'm drowning in my own emotions! Sooooo lost! I pray when I go to sleep that I don't wake up every night but I always wake up! 

[Jeff's Mom]

Wendy, I just read your post and I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I know it doesn't seem fair that when we feel we have suffered so much that we are dealt yet another blow. I hope you will give your therapy another try. Sometimes when you are so deeply depressed you feel that absolutely nobody can reach you or understand. Even if you just go and listen you may find that it slowly begins to help. Take any support that you can get that is offered at this time. This dark place you are in right now will slowly lift in time. I too felt that I was an Island separated from everyone and that I could see the distant shore but lacked the strength to make it. One day at a time is all that you can ask of yourself when things become so challenging. I am so very sorry that your Mom is having to endure this illness. I pray that she will be kept as comfortable as possible and will find peace soon. Please know that everyone here is thinking of you and wishing we could help in any way that would make a difference. You are not alone. Hang on with both hands and let us know how your day is going. Sending a huge "HUG" from someone who also walks your path. Kate

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

Thank you Kate .  I read your post that was shared and you were right, I needed that at this time in my life.  You know to well what I'm going through.  I wished I could get a message from Ricky to help me get through this horrible time.  Bless you dearly love!

[janris]

Wendy

I agree with Kate and that you may benefit from some professional counseling at this time. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done to lose my son, I could not imagine that topped off with the fear of losing your mother so soon!! I cared for my mother as she was dying of cancer and it is a very difficult thing to do! every night she said goodbye in case she never made it through the night. To watch her in so much ain was unbearable. You will make it through all of this, even though you feel now that you cannot handle it...we amaze ourselves when we can get our self through a terrible time like this, sometimes we just need a little help to get us through. I feel for you right now, as these are two of the hardest things to get past and you are being dealt with them both at the same time. Get as much support as you can right now.

Big HUGS!!

Janet

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

Thx Janet

[Mermaid Tears]

Wendy...I know Kate was in much the same situation as you....she lost her son..and then had to stand by/nurse/guardian of her MIL during her terminal illness...hardly a chance to catch her breath...now I understand that Janris went through the same scenario...so beyond sad...so beyond what we as humans can care for. Grief by itself is so incredibly exhausting...I do know that when hospice steps in...they will take so much off of you. You will find an immense relief in knowing you have someone who will help/advise/guide the family in this phase. Chemo is so toxic...and when our loved ones are already so very sick and frail it does so much more harm than good. We all wish we could re-write the story....and either have a miracle or a happy ending, but life does not work that way. We do have each other to lean on and listen. Hospice can steer you to a good counselor. I, too, believe you will be helped by having someone you can talk to in person. With this kind of grief...you..me...us...really do not know what we need....we are in such an abnormal life we don't even know what questions to ask. I am so sorry about your situation. So many times I wish we could all live down the street from each other.

[Steve s mom]

Hello everyone,

i just can't seem to shake those Halloween memories of Steve today.I didn't think today would be any big deal but I find myself crying ,I don't know why.

When Steve was small up until about 5 th grade or so my mom made him such wonderful costumes once he was a were wolf including fur glued to his face and hands that my sister did the make up for him he was maybe 5. A tiny little werewolf .he always chose what he wanted to be and my mom would make his costumes no store bought costumes for him except one year he wanted to be Alf  so he wore a he usual cheap store bought costume and mask ,he was a devil at least 3 years all different costumes but they all included the wooden devil fork my dad had made for him ,my sister used to take him to Halloween costume contests and he won several.most times we'd go trick or treating and I'd dress up too usually as a cat ,his father would go with us and  the people always said what cute "kids he had" lol thinking I was Steves big sister .Steve had a little tiny pumpkin one year not a gourd but gourd size an actual pumpkin but very small the ones that fit in your hand ,he must have been very little maybe 3 or 4 he loved that pumpkin he carried it all over slept with it ,kissed it ,long after Halloween he treated it like a pet

one morning he came crying because the dog had taken his pumpkin Pal as  he called it ,while he was sleeping with it ,and thinking it was a ball ,rolled it all around and eventually chewed it into several pieces .I can still hear him crying "penny killed my punkin pal" maybe that's what reminded me today ,yesterday I got him one of those tiny pumpkins for Halloween and put it on his shelf.

i hope all of you have a Happy Halloween with sweet memories of your precious child.

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....how is Thomas doing ? Thanks to medical technology...back surgery has come a long way from the way it was done. I have many friends that has found such a relief from their back problems....many finding a new release on life. They can walk without pain. One friend told me she walked, talked, sat and slept with pain...and now she is free. The Dr. told her before surgery that she had to lose 40 lbs. before the surgery...( I hear many insurance companies are advising the Dr. to have the patient lose lbs. before knee/hip surgery)....now she can walk she has lost even more. What all are your spooks doing for Halloween ?

[Mermaid Tears]

Maryanne....I woke up this morning with a Halloween memory from 1980.....

[tobyfreefoot]

such a darling picture of andrew and his daughter lucy last year i had to share. his wife keely said they continued to play belle and beast and chase each other around the house. Lucy recently asked her if they could still play. please keep this precious family in your thoughts thanks

btw keely made that dress how awesome!!

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Halloween opens the door on many happy memories...thank you God for photos...

Gretchen....how did he die ?

[daveydow1]

Steves mom--------I agree....special times bring back so many memories

and the tears will fall.  You have lovely memories of your dear son, Steve.

These memories are treasures that we can hold close....no one can take

them away from us.  Though the tears fall,  the memories warm the heart.

Steve is always with you.  Thoughts & prayers.

Thanks to all for pics and posts.

 

PEACE   TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

[Mermaid Tears]

My house of Halloween....loved the spooks that came...

[janris]

we had a very difficult day yesterday .. Halloween was one of Jamie's favorite holidays!! We missed him like crazy and had a lot of emotional moments . We carved a pumpkin for his tree and went there after the trick or treaters were all done! the emotional roller coaster never seems to stop. Some days I just want to curl up in my quilt and hide.

[Mermaid Tears]

Janris....it is certainly a marker day for parents that has lost a child....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Wendy, sending special prayers as your mom is nearing her transition. Prayers for a gentle release and for a special touch for you.

Mary Ann, thank you for sharing about Steve. I thought the story about his little pumpkin showed his tender spirit. Hugs.

Janet, gentle thoughts are sent your way as you have just passed your first year mark. It takes some time as many of us here can tell you.

Gretchen, the Belle costume was beautiful, thanks for sharing about Forest’s special friend. My sister, when she passed in 2003, also had her best friend pass 6 months later. My mom always felt they were traveling together.

Kate, are there plans for Jeff’s tree this year?

Susan, thanks for sharing the picture of your front porch all decorated!

For those who have asked about Thomas, he is coming along in his healing from surgery. I saw today there is a scar across his throat area where they entered from the front side to operate on the disc. So far the pain level is fairly low and he is mobile. I am hoping he does not overdo it though.

Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes.

*************************************

My thoughts on grief after 4 years

I have found the vocabulary we have [ie our culture]  is so limited as most of our words don’t seem to be able to touch the depth of loss, particularly child loss; the words are too shallow, too limited, too constrained. Words are tossed out to the bereaved such as acceptance, healing, peace, loss, anger (the latter usually directed that you need to do x-y-z thing to get on the right path, forget you can hardly breathe much less meet anyone’s expectations)…I have found emotions and feelings that are in my heart and soul do not fit easily into any words…or any known written descriptors…

I have found that those who share a like experience with a common child-parent relationship, have a more complete understanding.  Like “acceptance” for instance, I will not ever “accept” this is my life…it is more like an ambiguous circumstance I live in day-to-day because it has been forced upon me to do so.

I have found that some of the common, modern practices directed at grievers from mainstream psychology and/or religion to be sorely lacking both on an emotional level and spiritual level. It seems there is a push to fit everything into a “one-size-fits-all”  package and to hurry hurry hurry the bereaved person.  However, since I never followed the herd mentality before,  I don’t think that is going to happen now, especially now.

What do I believe in? The most is direct experience from those who have nothing to gain, often they have been thrust into the worst as well. It is often  raw and unsought, but I know there is truth that transcends. Like those who have graciously shared their most sacred stories, I have shared my personal experiences with those I think need to hear. To honor my beautiful son and his life. And my little baby son, Taylor.

Those are my thoughts for today, having just passed the October month, the fourth year of Jesse’s passing.

[Mermaid Tears]

Beautifully written....and I agree on every level. We had no choice...and we will never have an answer that will 'fit' just right.

[ericasmom]

Kate, love that you know of Louise Penny and where she lives, I picture your town for the setting of this book. I love the photo of your little skier and the dog of all dogs. So sweet.

Wendy, no, it should not be that you lose your Mom the same year that you lost your Boy, no none of this should be...it just is. It is not a punishment, it is not because you did anything to deserve this sadness, this eclipse of light...it simply is. And yet there is nothing simple about grief is there? I am sorry for your fear and your worried heart, but your Momma is getting ready to leave and she will be without pain when she does, without anymore complications to her body, it will be a fast trip to the new place beyond this one, and she will be in such good company.

 

[ericasmom]

Right on Laurie, I have long agreed, that our country and really many countries do not deal or teach us about grief. We skip and skate around it and when it comes time for real grief, people wonder why we are not over it like folks are on tv shows that show a death. We are grievers, we are mourners, we are those who walk with holes in our lives, right smack dab in the middle of our lives...we are without recourse in these occurences, and so we learn that we have no real control. It takes a long while to aclamate to this idea of no control...eventually we do. We learn that we have this minute and in that moment, I can control myself, but that is it. Finally, we learn that our grief becomes an integral piece of us, that it is the spiritual place in which we connect to our Babies, it is private and it holds so much within the boundless love...we are mourners and I can handle that moniker.

[Jeff's Mom]

 Thanks to everyone for sharing pictures of your sweeties! Just love their costumes...but most importantly I love the excitement on their faces. Gretchen...that dress is beautiful. What a little doll.

Laurie, yes we have ordered the tree again for the Healing Garden at the hospital. It will be the sixth year that we have done this. It is so nice to know that it has become known as Jeff's tree.

Well, I have to say that it rained cats and dogs last night. A very nasty night for the kids. Or should I say...awesome. The fog also started to roll in a bit later after the rain stopped. Perfect for haunted house stories. We had a total of two young kids. Little cuties. So off today I trekked to a neighbours house to give the goodies to their brood.

Susan, your house looked great for the event. And Dee...I wanted to mention that I really like your hair shorter. It suits you! That dog is a gem. He is so well trained and gentle.  Perfect for working with the kids. We are anxiously awaiting the results of your election next week. Fingers crossed.

I am thinking of everyone and wishing you all a very peaceful rest tonight.  Kate

[daveydow1]

Laurie----thank you for that insightful writing.  So true. I agree with you

and with what Dee said.  Our culture really seems to want to sweep

grief aside.....almost as those it didn't happen to us.  Very keen insight, Dee....

that t.v and movies also play a part in the expectations for recovering after

a tragic event like losing our darlings.  In the movies, there's the event, the

short aftermath, and then it's all happy-go-lucky and back to normal.  We

here at BI know that it is definitely not the scenario for us.  Our darlings are

gone, and that hole in our lives will always be there.

 

Janris-------Such a nice way to remember & honor your dear Jamie.  thanks for the pic.

 

PEACE  TO   ALL   INDIGOS. 

[ericasmom]

Maryanne, I was happy to see you post here the other day. Yes, Halloween seems to have been many our Childrens' favorite time...Eri sure loved it too. It is one of those markers of time when we see another holiday go past...but oh so many good Halloween memories we all have. We had 68-70 degree temps for Halloween, so odd for us. but boy, thousands of trick or treaters on the sidewalks in our town. I had fun walking along with the Grandies as they wrapped their brains around collecting candy at each home, and looking at the scary or silly decorations. Hilarious. I will post photos in a few days.

Sherry, I know that you are also enjoying these temperatures...and the Cubs are battling with the Cleveland Indians in this unseasonably warm weather.

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

Evening all indigos ,  

I went to Ricky's cross yesterday and had a long cry and talk with him.  This is a crazy thing we are all going through.  I was sitting there talking to him and asked him to give me a sign that he didn't suffer.  I was thrown back cause about 2 mins after I asked him a gentleman saw me sitting on the side of the highway at the cross and stopped.  He asked me when it happened and I told him the date. He then asked me if it was a black Honda Accord and I started breaking down. He then told me that he and his wife had a wrecker service and had witnessed the wreck.  His wife even took a video some of it.  He had gone up to one of the other cars and they told him to go help Ricky.  He said he hadn't seen me at the cross in a while and when he saw me yesterday he was compelled to make a u-turn and come back to me to let me know that Ricky didn't suffer,that he was killed one the first impact. It's really strange how when you ask for a sign you get it. I'm so grateful to know that my baby didn't suffer or feel the other 2 impacts after the first one. Ricky so loved Halloween and my husband made it a point to celebrate it yesterday especially since it will be our last with mom. I dressed mom up as Uncle Fester ,hubby was Tony Romo and since he had a head injury forgot his number,I was split personality of life and death.  I learned to be careful of what I ask for cause I just may get a answer that I thought I was ready to hear. I have had a rough week and not looking forward to the upcoming holidays at all. I'm sharing pics of us dressed up lastnight and one of my silly baby,Ricky. He dressed like that for a cigarette .  Oh how I miss him more each day that passes. sorry don't know how to rotate pics.

Thank you all for just being here and supporting each other through these horrible times that we have unfortunately been brought together by. Bless you all! 

[janris]

Ricky's mom,

That is an amazing story. I am sure that it was very comforting for you to hear that he did not suffer. I know the coroner told us that Jamie was killed instantly his head was hit first. IN fact aside from the head injury he had only a couple of broken ribs and a broken arm...hard to believe because he was hit by one car and thrown into next lane and was hit by another car.

I love the pic of your son!! That is something that my Jamie would have done too... I thought I would share one of Jamie's Halloween pics as well

[tobyfreefoot]

Maryann that little pumpkin story breaks my heart. 

Laurie I will never accept this either. I think therapists sometimes think you need to but the fact is this is NEVER going to be OK with me.

Susan the autopsy still isn't completed.

Kate I only drop in and out right now but I always love to see you've been here too my friend

I had a rough day of the dead at the cemetery yesterday. My daughter has borderline personality disorder and she hurt my feelings which I should know to disregard but I just lie on forest tombstone and sobbed

Here we are minus my daughter because she shot the picture

[Mermaid Tears]

Wendy and Janris...thanks for sharing....those photos brought a huge grin to me....it is very important...even a lifeSAVER for me to remember the laughter..good times...

 

Gretchen....love this spooky family...what fun....sorry you had that episode with your daughter. For me....there are those days when my skin is thin....and those days when a tiny slow tear can turn into a mountain of sobs...and deep sorrow...and I feel so sorry for me...myself...I....the little Mama that I am.

[Mermaid Tears]

When parents share their stories of 'signs'.....it gives other parents 'HOPE'.....and we grab it with both hands and hang on....

[tobyfreefoot]

oh susan that last quote hurts soo true

 

[Mermaid Tears]

It is very...very important...but very hard for parents to learn how NOT to shut out the siblings...I knew I would have to help my children...deal with the loss of their brother, John David.....I still do...

[daveydow1]

Dee------Well...the World Series is over......CONGRATULATIONS TO THE CUBS!!!!

The match was so intense, and  both teams fought their best til the end.

People in our area were disappointed, of course, but they're saying......"Next Year".    

 

Susan----Your house looks so nice & spooky......nice decorations.  thanks for the screen shots.

 

Thanks to everyone for the Great Halloween pics.  So much fun to look at these picstures......Happy Times.

 

Hope    everyone   has   a   restful    evening/night.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

 

 

[ericasmom]

Wendy, Janris, and Gretchen, love the Halloween Photos...I will post some in a few days, for now I am babysitting a few blocks from my home at my Grandchildren's home, parents on a trip to celebrate their anniversary.

Gretchen, thanks for the compliment, YOung lookinng???I am 100 today, not really but feel as though I am. Such a hard school year this year, so very taxing.The hair is shorter still now, I cut it off, like Jane Pauley's hair. I like the lack of time or energy needed to be ready each day. Ease.

Sherry, yes, I woke last night to the many neighbors who thought fireworks on a work night was a good idea to celebrate the Cubs win. Wow wha a long game, they both fought tooth and nail to win, what an evenly matched series! Great that the Cubs won after 108 years of not winning. Super!

Going to bed so I will talk more tomorrow, sweet thoughts to you all.

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

Ok , I'm done being strong. The stress ended me up in the emergency room today. I woke up with the left side of my chest hurting so bad it felt like someone had a vice on it squeezing and also felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest.  I took mom with me to the hospital so I could still take care of her. I had to call a friend to come get her and bring her home to eat and get her meds.  The hospital wanted to keep me cause I had all the signs of a heart attack due to stress,  but, I had nobody to care for  mom so I had to promise the Dr that if I got worse I would find someone to be with mom and return to the ER . It's literally killing me going through this. I hurt so bad and I'm so tired of being the strong one.  

[Mermaid Tears]

Isn't your Mom under hospice care now ? If you are having a heart attack...or on the verge....you certainly don't need to be home alone with your Mom. So sorry you have no one in your circle of family or friends that could stay with your Mom while you get checked out. An EKG can tell if you are having a heart attack or have had one. Please get yourself the medical care you need.

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

She hasn't been put on hospice yet.  Dr is thinking it's  time. Will know more Tues after MRI and CT scan.   Once they come in, they don't stay till the end.  They come in once a week or twice to check on her and bathe her.  They will furnish all she needs but will give me the morphine drops to put under her tongue to keep her comfy.  I did receive an EKG as soon as I got there.  They said I had all the symptoms of a heart attack but hadn't had one yet.  They wanted to keep me overnight for observation of my heart.  I just couldn't  stay. 

[Jeff's Mom]

Wendy, blood work will also detect a heart attack. I have been in the hospital a few times this past year due to issues that presented as heart problems. I was immediately given a chest x-ray, blood work, and hooked up to an EKG monitor at the St. Boniface Cardiac ER where they monitored me for an entire day. Stress can really cause significant health issues. For that reason it is essential to self-care as best as you can during this time. They are now finding that women present differently then men in heart attacks. I thought I was still suffering from complications due to my gall bladder surgery. I had a lot of abdominal pain. Never disregard issues relating to your heart. Better to err on the side of caution than to regret it down the road.  For me...I had a good outcome. I was sent for a MIBI test shortly after and given the results put on meds to control the issue. So far, so good! Thanks to an excellent team working on my behalf.

Dee, how awesome is that???? A long overdue win. How nice for the team and fans! My hubby was tuned to the whole game. As Jeff would say....SWEET!!!!

Laurie, how goes it your way? How is your son getting along?

We are having the most glorious next few weeks. Tomorrow they are calling for a high of 18C...which is approximately mid sixties. Now for us... given that it is November...bring it on. I am loving it. Nature walk tomorrow for sure.

Thank you, Georgina for sharing that. It was beautifully written.

Wishing you all a peaceful weekend. Kate

 

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi I am floundering really bad at the moment still having the flash backs the dread feelings. My heart is definately broken I feel very sad. I miss them X 

Thank you for all the lovely pictures youve been sharing. And for the hope you've given. 

I thought I would share this it was read out at the end of the TCF retreat.  

God Bless Georgina x

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Wendy....with all the heavy grief....and the great stress you are under....please....take many deep breaths...then...drink some Gatorade....when electrolytes get out of balance..it can bring chest/muscles spasms....I know it sounds so simple...but I start having very serious chest muscle spasms when my stress goes through the roof. Georgina....you should do the same. Please...go outside and stay for just 5 to 10 minutes...and take many deep breaths. Remind yourself that you can only control what is happening now....don't over think your situation...or look too far in the future...or too far in the past. Just take this one hour...one day at a time. We all understand what you are feeling when you say...'I am so tired of being the strong one'.....this kind of grief is so heavy....so exhausting. How I wished 1,000 times a day I could have put it 'somewhere on a shelf'....so hard to carry. Listen to Kate.

   Kate...am so happy to hear you are on a healing path...

I think you should give yourself a lot of credit....give yourself a hug....you are surviving this. This is a time to treat yourself with lots of TLC...and kindness. We are here to give you all the support and empathy we can.

[ericasmom]

RIGHT ON SUSAN, real empathy is just that...it is not always okay, but it always worth acknowledging. Our hearts are made for love and when a loved one so young leaves us, our hearts are changed...we must do what we can to honor our Babies, just as Georgina posted too, it is our job now to take the steps to starting a new day carrying our babies with us, in the things we do.

Wendy, please take your Mom with you and ask the hospital to provide a cot and her med attention and let them monitor your heart. It is all to fast when a heart is in trouble. It is okay to let someone else carry some of the physical load for now.

[Mermaid Tears]

Yes Dee....when the 'shock suit' doesn't fit as tight anymore....when the grief fog clears a little....we realize we didn't have a choice. We know it will never be 'ok' or be alright...there will never be a good enough answer....or a solution that turns everything right. Thanks to you and all the parents on this site...this is the only therapy I have....and it is with ones that walk the same grief journey and understand my abnormal new normal.

Georgina I copied that reading....perfect and so true.

[Tommy's mum]

Powerful words thanks that helps a little. we are stronger than we think.

[daveydow1]

Wendy-----Please , please do everything that you can to see to your

medical problems. I'm sending thoughts & prayers for you, and for

your dear mother.

 

Georgina--------I'm sorry that you are in such a dark place right now;.

Grieving is so exhausting, and we must watch out, or our health can

begin to go downhill.  The stress, and exhaustion is part of the grief

road that we could well do without......but sadly.....how is one to

escape when we're dealing with broken hearts.  Peace & comfort to you.

 

Susan-----Oh...thank you for the screen shot. Truer words were never spoken.

 

WISHING PEACE  AND  COMFORT  TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you your words have really helped because sometimes you just get lost and everything overwhelms you and then your stuck in a dark place with no way out.

I needed to hear what you said "one day at a time and don't look too far into the future  or past" that's how I had been coping step by step but I got lost. 

Im so tired haven't been sleeping but I'm going to try this medicin a friend suggested tonight 

God Bless and thank you again Kate, Susan, Dee and Sherry xxxxxx

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

Thank you all! I too was taking it one day and one breathe at a time and somehow got off track.  A co-worker of my husbands told him that he had experienced a heart attack then felt same symptoms another time to find out his rotator cuff was torn .  I have been having trouble with that shoulder for  a long time now.  I'll  probably go back and have them check it.  I can't move my left arm at all without pain in my chest like a knife being stabbed in me from back of my heart.  I can't go back till Wednesday at the earliest cause I'm taking mom to nascar tomorrow, it was a surprise, then we have appt with attorney Monday to set up power of attorney and will, then she is having MRI and CT SCAN  done Tuesday along with seeing  her oncologist afterwards to decide if we are continuing the chemo or going to hospice.  I'm on hold for me right now. Hubby is out of state working so it's just me.  

[ericasmom]

May our Angels rock you to sleep Georgina, and you Wendy, and let some healing settle in, both physically and emotionally. We are far stronger than we ever wanted to know...but strength can only go so far...we must sleep, replenish our bodies with sleep and food, and exercise and plenty to drink...water, water and more water to replace all of our tears and give us the hydration we need to keep going. Getting stuck and lost are part of this scary time for those new to this, it is impossible to not at some point/s...get lost. after all, we don't quite know where we are going so the road is unmarked...the destination is also unmarked. It is the journey after all, that we find each day and along that journey we find out that we do have purpose and we do have reasons to still be here. Prayers for you All in these tough times.

Peace one day

[ericasmom]

Becky where are you and how are you? We have not seen your sweet Son's face shining out in a while. You okay?

Shannon, how about you? doing okay?

Kate, yes, the CUBS win was phenomenal and thrilling. The amount of people just celebrating in the streets was hard to fathom, over 5.5 million downtown the other day for the parade. After 108 years, it was certainly a boost to the most violent year in Chicago history.

[Jeff's Mom]

Susan, thanks for your kind words. I appreciate it. You know, I'm not sure how many people are interested... or have the time to take a yoga class. I was very fortunate in that I found an amazing yoga instructor that decided to form a class designed around her aging clients. The class was called restorative yoga and did not really focus too  much on anything difficult . What it did do for us was to force us to leave the business of every day life at the door and allow ourselves time to just relax and breath. It is crazy how our minds are so preoccupied with the day to day activities we face. That class helped me through a lot of many difficult times when my new breathing technique was brought into play. Also, just walking outside and breathing in the fresh air and enjoying nature is a great healer.  

Wendy , good luck this week. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Also Georgina, I can only hope that time will soften your heartache. How is that beautiful baby granddaughter of yours doing? I bet she is growing quickly. How fortunate we are to have those young happy innocent faces to fill our lives with joy again.

Thinking of everyone on this sunny Sunday morning. Love to ALL! Kate

 

p.s. Prayers please for Ross who is having eye surgery this week to remove a growth on his eyeball. They will send for a biopsy. Has to be done as it is growing quickly over his cornea and could cause blindness. Always something! We are now off for a wonderful hike on the nature trails.