Members Foochie Posted February 28, 2013 Members Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 Last year, my boyfriend was in the hospital and we were waiting for him to wake up after his heart attack even though we knew the chances were slim. He had been without oxygen to his brain for over 20 minutes. It was a waiting game. He was eventually transferred to another hospital out of town more equipped with neuro specialists. Two days later, he passed away. The following day, I decided to get his name tattooed on my shoulder. We both had plans to get each other's names before and never got to it. It was I guess a sort of tribute tattoo. Just two hours ago, my sister who has a lot of tattoos told me she wants to get his full name tattooed on her body. I didn't show it but I am fuming inside over it. Am I nuts or is this crazy? She was friends with him. She introduced us. But this just seems totally inappropriate. I wouldn't want her boyfriend's name on my body. I didn't say anything, just nodded my head. I want to ask if she's joking but I know she is not. How can I tell her she cannot do this? I am really very bad at confronting anyone on anything and will go to the ends of the earth to avoid it. I also didn't want to blow up on her. I just feel very strongly that this is wrong/unusual. He is mine not hers. He was more special to me. I feel if she does this, it just takes away from that. What would you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted February 28, 2013 Members Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 Sit down with her, and calmly ask her why she wants to do this, and listen. Then, if you still feel the same way, explain to her, that although you heard her reasons, you would rather she didn't do that, because it makes you feel very uncomfortable, and that it makes you feel upset. If you stay calm, and express it as to how it makes you feel..she might not do it at all. Or if she wants to do a memorial, suggest a picture of something to symbolize him, instead of his name, if that would make you both feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Caremal Posted March 1, 2013 Members Report Share Posted March 1, 2013 I agree with Silver keep calm and speak to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kathyl Posted March 12, 2013 Members Report Share Posted March 12, 2013 I agree with the others. It is best to wait until you are able to speak calmly to her. I was so afraid of my anger at one time that I emailed the person I was worried about speaking to. I was able to write the message, and make sure there was no anger in it at all before sending.I hope you are able to deal with this situation calmly ....and soon ((hugs)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted March 12, 2013 Moderators Report Share Posted March 12, 2013 How can I tell her she cannot do this? Hard to say not knowing either of you but seems to me that a very "soft" approach is best here. I assume she means well and just doesn't realize how you feel about it-? Explain that while you understand her gesture and it's a really nice thought, could she pls consider doing something else in his honor because you and he had plans to do this and you feel like it was something between you 2. She'd have to be a complete (insert nasty word here) to do it after knowing how you feel about it. But as you say, blowing up on her is the last thing you want, if for no other reason than she'll be far less inclined to respect your wishes. Just ask nicely and hopefully that's that. If not, I wouldn't give up easily - don't be afraid to let her see how upset you are and how much it would hurt you - again not in an angry way though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Foochie Posted March 13, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Thank you all for your responses. I have spoken to her and I was surprisingly calm. I just told her it would make me feel uncomfortable and suggested she should get a symbol instead. She understood and was glad I told her how I felt. I feel so relieved about it now. Thanks again for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted March 13, 2013 Moderators Report Share Posted March 13, 2013 Good to hear! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Caremal Posted March 14, 2013 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2013 How sometimes we are so worried how something will turn out and our worry was not needed. i am glad all turned out so well for you in this case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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