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Rejoining social gatherings


MaryArlene

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I know that with the loss of my husband almost four months ago that I have been sort of a recluse, keeping to myself. We used to be so active, visiting so many friends.

I feel that when I do thrust myself in these situations, even though everyone is super kind, wondering how I'm doing, I have a tough time mustering through it all and end up drifting to the bathroom to fall apart. As soon as I walk in to friends we have enjoyed for years, the whole situation takes my breath away. I think that while I'm in my house I can deal with the grief to a degree but in these social gatherings, I feel the void of James' presence. He had such a happy go lucky personality, wanting to reach out and enjoy people; not to hear his voice in these settings is just so devastating. Wondering if anyone has advice on how to rejoin activities that you used to enjoy as a couple.

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I'm so sorry. I wish I could say I have no idea what you're going through. My .02:

1. Give yourself time and lots of it (generally, but also to ease back into social gatherings).

2. Allow that sometimes you are going to have those moments of feeling "weird" or rushing to the bathroom or whatever (I had such a moment not long ago and it's been considerably longer for me)

3. Check meetup.com. If you're anywhere near even a modest-sized town or city, there are probably numerous groups of various kinds that might help you ease back into the social thing.

Best to you!

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MaryArlene - I wish I had some advice for you but I have not been able to do very much myself yet. I have met friends for lunch, I have gone shopping with friends, and I have had friends over to the house....but in almost 6 months, I have only been to a friend's house twice. I have had friends offer to take part in some of the things we enjoyed together, but I have not been able to do those things yet. I guess widower2 is right....have to give ourselves time, and lots of it.

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Thanks widower2 and kathyl... I think it is reassuring that I'm not alone in this although when I look at my friends and the lives their leading I feel such an acute loneliness. I know I have to give myself time ... some days are clearly better than others.

Kind regards--

Mary

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Mary,

Time will help most of all. I also suggest catching a speach joe biden did you can find it on line about grief. He spoke about the loss of his wife and daughter.I know it is on youtube. This was a real person speaking about his loss and how it made it past the hard times. and I also keep a journal - helps me to look back on how my days are getting better as time goes on. not that some are not real bad yet and i am in my 11th month of my loss. just know your not alone and hang in there - time will help. Check out the chat room it is a good place as well.

hugs to you

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