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One year, When does it get better?


Kimie Burt

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My mother passed away suddenly February 2, 2012. She was sick a few days before, and went to the doctor. They checked her out and said she had pneumonia. She left the doctors office and went straight to the pharmacy going through the drivethru. She died in the parking lot although paramedics performed CPR. I got the call January 30, 2012 that my mother had been in an accident, due to her some how backing into a car, they were having trouble getting a pulse and weretaking her to the hospital. I also received a call from a councler at the hospital wanting to know who she was because they couldn't find any identification for her but she did have her cell phone and my number was the last one to be called or receive a call from. Long story shortened my mother had gone without oxygen to long and had no brain activity. We took her off of the life support and she passed.

One year later I am still a mess; to top if off my grandparents passed away. My mother's parents. My "Papa" wanted to go see my mom on the 2nd but he held off and passed on February 6, 2013 and his wife my grandma passed away 4 days later on February 10, 2013.

My husband has told me many times in the past year that I need to move on. Recently he has been saying he cannot continue living with me this way for another year. I need to come out of my depression/grievence or he will divorce me. With this process I feel entirely alone. I almost feel as though it would be better to really be alone. I have start to isolate myself. It is easier to not have to explain to people what is wrong or why I am quiet. I don't feel like talking, or hanging out with people.

I am at a loss. I am seeing a counselor but still feel so empty. Does it ever get better?

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OMG, you are living my life. If you are like this after one year, there is absolutely no hope for me. First of all, I am so saddened to hear of your losses. My condolences. Each loss compounds and complicates any other losses you've had. It's like pieces of your heart go missing and you can't find them. I've lost two children by miscarriage but the loss of my dad a little over a month ago has turned my life upside down. I am a walking zombie and am trying to put my grief in a little box to deal w/later because it pains my husband to see me this way. His exact words to me: "Be tough. You can't change what happened, so move on." He is like Mr. Spock, totally emotionless. Never mind the fact that his own dad is dying of cancer and soon, he will be experiencing the loss I am now. You'd think he'd be more emphathetic.

My dad's death was a long and painful one. He was diagnosed w/emphysema and congestive heart failure in January 2011 and died January 17 of this year. I feel so alone. The people I'm closest to have not had a loss like I've had. I get no consolation from my mother who appears to me to be done grieving. I know that's probably not the case, and I'm trying to understand because she had to live w/Dad's condition up close and personal for months until he started calling hospitals and nursing homes his home. Talking to her hurts me.

I don't feel like being around anyone. When people ask, "How are you?," I'm at a loss as to what to say.

I guess the point of this post is to let you know that I'm walking right with you. I'm praying it gets better....for me and for you.

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My condolences and prayers are with you. With each person it is different to how we deal with grief. I am alone and no one to share my feelings with except my doctor, who is another human being, but through praying and trusting in God I am Blessed. Isolation is not a bad thing because I am isolated and I feel and do better.

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It really does feel like my heart has been broken and glued back together so many time that it may never be whole again. I try to explain to my husband that he has no idea what I am going through and he trys to justify his actions by saying that his had to deal with his own mother having breast cancer, she survived. I know it pains our husbands to see us this way but telling us to "move on" "get over it" and what not really doen't help. I too am praying that it get easier.

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Hi Kimie,

I can understand how you feel, lamp said it well, little pieces of your heart are missing and you can not find them. My husband does not understand either but says very little to me. I was just wondering if it would be helpful if your husband went to a counselling session with you then maybe he could understand your feelings a little better. He most probably does not know how to handle the situation, (men are not often good with strong emotions) perhaps the counsellor could help him how to handle the situation. Just a thought, I do hope things improve for you, one year is not a long time, you do need more time, sending you hugs.

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